So my boss refered to me as his work wife...

JusticeForScalia · 2016-12-06T10:11:43+00:00

I would have said "I am only wife to my husband, here at work I am your executive assistant." Women communicate indirectly, but when you want to set clear boundaries you need to be direct. If you set that boundary be ready for any consequences, good or bad.
It could also be that if this is a small business they tend to treat employees like family, however it doesn't seem that they have known you long enough to be buying you spa days or dropping checks off at your home. Make sure your actions are professional and you are not signaling that you are available in some way.

TempestTcup · 2016-12-08T02:50:52+00:00

You need to have a discussion with your boss about boundaries. I've worked at a lot of tiny companies throughout the decades, and a lot of the owners do get more chummy than I am comfortable with. They do tend to treat their employees like family, and they feel responsible for them.

It doesn't sound to me like he is hitting on you; it sounds like they are both over-enthusiastic and perhaps overcompensating. They might be trying way too hard to make you feel comfortable, and making you uncomfortable. I could be completely wrong about this; I'm just going off of my experiences in the past!

Of course, their reason for doing all of this doesn't change the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable. First, figure out whether they are just way too gung-ho trying to make you like them, or if they are genuinely creepy and weird. Start out with the "work wife" thing and explain that it makes you very uncomfortable. Then maybe mention that you move a little more slowly getting to know people.

I would definitely put an end to the work wife thing though!

myrpwi_account · 2016-12-06T07:55:05+00:00

I would not tell my husband and I would have immediately and respectfully told my boss to please not even joke about such things out of respect to my marriage and if he was unable to comply I would quit. This is exactly why men don't want their wives in the workplace and why women entering the world of work with men harmed the institution of marriage

Why wouldn't you be allowed to post here?

littleeggwyf · 2016-12-06T11:52:35+00:00

It's tricky cos some people are a bit more naturally flirty, but I can definitely see why you feel uncomfortable. I don't know if they are just being a bit unprofessional because it's a small business, or if you're right that it's flirting, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable at work it's bad.

The treats might be innocent and showing how happy they are to have someone taking on work that was leaving them with no family time, I guess, and that sort of makes sense that the wife role is also a work role to him.... but I totally get how it feels. Some men are generous without thinking it's a flirty thing (i got angry at my husband for offering to share a taxi with a random young woman when his train got cancelled once, because he just didn't get how it could look either creepy or like he was making a pass). It might be innocent niceness!

Maybe try striking up conversation about your BF and romantic stuff - if it's flirting or hitting on you I'd expect sort of a flat or negative tone to the conversation like a bad reaction to you saying how in love you are or something.

have you been in a situation like this? How did you bring it up to your SO? Where do you draw the line on when you talk to them about being (or possibly being hit on)? A catcall? Someone asking for your number?

I kinda have been, I had a real creeper when i worked as a researcher and he would IM me compliments and obvious flirts even though he was married and knew I had a BF. I told my BF (now hubs) after i'd told him to stop it and he didn't, to ask for advice. I've had a manager ask for my number and said no another time, but i didn't say anything because he never asked again.

The older guys would make catcalls sometimes, but I didn't bring it up at home because it wasn't like a secret thing or a real pass, it was just guys being guys to show off.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-12-08T03:05:17+00:00

I briefly worked for a husband and wife team (3 other women on staff) in their home/office. Weird setup. They operated a self-storage facility, lived illegally upstairs, and did construction contracting work downstairs After a few weeks, I realized that one of the "partners" was actually a mistress (openly) with the guy. Nope, nope, nope!

Boundaries are our friends!

QueenBee126 · 2016-12-06T22:54:22+00:00

Wait and see what your BF said but the touching thing is wierd coupled with the work wife comment.

Maybe they want a threesome LOL

[deleted] · 2016-12-07T03:08:54+00:00

you are being hit on. If you can't clearly tell whether a man is being courteous or coming on to you, he's coming on to you. don't be daft. stop this inappropriate office behavior immediately. I don't mean report him to HR or anything -- but communicate clearly and firmly that you don't appreciate this behavior from him, that you are married and your husband wouldn't appreciate this sort of engagement with male colleagues and that you want it to very much stop.

that doesn't make you a bitch.

that doesn't make you unprofessional.

and in case anyone dares suggest otherwise, let me make this clear: it doesn't make you any less RPW.

This is your relationship. YOU know what kind of shit your SO would and would not tolerate. have respect for your marriage. you don't have a work husband. you have a HUSBAND. and coworkers. reestablish boundaries and for hte love of christ, don't stir the pot and bring this to your SO.

this is not a problem within your relationship. it doesn't involve him directly at all. This is about you, and you inability to appropriately communicate how you want men to interact with you while you're married.

[deleted] · 2016-12-06T23:13:02+00:00

(Adding this in from my original comment that I deleted when I wrote this as a new comment. Thanks to /u/sunhappy_dc. Her reply to another comment I wrote made me realize that I omitted this the second time around). This was a failure on your part in that you did not put a stop to inappropriate behavior and define boundaries.

Either you or someone else posted this exact situation previously.

Edit: found the comment

/u/tryanotherjuan is a fantastic member of the community with a highly demanding/successful career. She hasn't been active in quite some time (she reconnected with a dear friend from college, they had an LDR for a short-while before getting engaged. I remember all the conversations the IRC had with her starting from when she was single, to reconnecting with this man and trying to figure out if she should or shouldn't try to pursue the opportunity to connect with him, and her updates over the subsequent months). She wrote from time to time about this very topic, and I will quote/format one thread she submitted below for you to review.

Two years ago and before I swallowed the Red Pill, I left a job in marketing to become an executive assistant for an Oil and Gas company. When I first took the job I was a bit hesitant. I had a terrible attitude and thought, “I’m smart; I have a college degree; I shouldn’t be assisting anyone.” But, it seemed like a good opportunity to learn the business and I would have exposure to executives who could potentially place me in management roles in the future.

I couldn’t be happier with my decision to become an assistant. Ultimately, I would like to stay home and support my family. But for now, I’m single. So I’m taking advantage of my time at work to practice what it means to be a good first mate.

I am writing this because I hope it will help other girls see how they can apply Red Pill principles to their daily life, even if they aren’t in a relationship yet. I have learned a lot by reading this sub over the last several months and I’m still learning. I’m not perfect by any means, but these are the things I’m focusing on at work to cultivate my femininity and grow as a Red Pill Woman.

Here’s what I’m working on:

Look to serve. My job is to add value to my boss’s work day. Sometimes this translates to small, unglamorous tasks like running to the deli for lunch or preparing coffee. Sometimes I’m asked to work on larger, challenging projects like coordinating an office remodel or planning a conference overseas. No matter the task, I always attempt to do my best and do it with a smile. If I can anticipate his needs and find ways to make my boss’s life easier without him having to specifically ask, even better.

Be Pleasant. I interact with a lot of people throughout the day. I always make an effort to pleasant and be polite. I am constantly interrupted by sales calls, colleagues who need something and clients. Sometimes I’m stressed and busy, but I try to smile, listen and help as best I can, with a good attitude. I took it as a huge compliment when my boss told me during my review that he enjoyed working with me because I was always pleasant and eager to help. Executives have high-pressure jobs, so I try to decrease that stress with a calm, pleasant demeanor.

Always Represent my Boss Well and Speak Highly of Him. I have access to my boss’s email and so I often have the inside scoop on things at the office. I keep my mouth shut. People try to weasel information out of me, but I am a vault. Coworkers often feel the need to “vent” about their colleagues. I get frustrated at times too, but I would never vent or say anything negative about my boss to anyone at the company. I respect him and speak highly of him to others. I think it goes back to the thinking that if a man’s wife doesn’t respect him, why should anyone else? Likewise, if an assistant doesn’t respect her boss, why should his direct reports?

NO NAGGING. My boss has a lot on his plate. He will get to something when he can. Sometimes there are only so many hours in a day and he has to set his priorities. HIS priorities, not mine. I do not nag. If I need something signed, we have a system. If he needs to make a decision, I will ask at a good time for him. If he chooses to rearrange his schedule and this is inconvenient to me, I roll with the punches.

Office Mom I am often the one to plan events, cook for office pot lucks, order catering and send flowers if someone has a loss in the family. Sometimes I pick up and clean up around the office. Instead of viewing these as menial tasks that are beneath me and my college degree, I see them as an opportunity to serve. It’s nice knowing that people now come to me when they want to acknowledge the birth of a baby, celebrate a retirement or plan a business dinner.

Be feminine to Get Things Done. I could be a shrew and bully people into getting things done or I can be feminine and get results. An example: I need a heavy piece of furniture moved. I could say, I’m just as strong as any man around here and attempt to move it myself. I could nag until someone takes care of it. Or I could appeal to the two men in their 30s down the hall, saying “You boys are much stronger than I am and I’m wearing high heels, when you have a minute, would you please help me move this desk?” They are eager to help and happy to do it again the next time I ask.

Dress the Part. Wrap dresses, pencils skirts and high heels are my uniform. I try to look polished and put together to make a good impression and gain the respect of my colleagues. I’m often asked to represent my company at charity events and fundraisers. Although I don’t have the means to bid on many of auction items or make large donations, I like to think I keep getting invited because I’m pleasant to be around and dress the part.

At the end of the day, I guess there is a little dread game. I must add value to my boss or lose my job. I’ve also discovered I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder. I really enjoy the supporting role, but I just never felt like that I had option. As a strong student, I was always pushed toward medicine, a law degree or another challenging career field. I was made to feel that I was wasting my potential if I didn’t pursue a challenging career path. Any career path can be challenging. A job is what you make of it. I’m glad to have RPW because I feel like it’s okay if you want to stay home to raise a family and it’s okay to be a first mate.

How can you practice femininity at school or at work?

Word of Caution: I’m a tall, blonde, 27-year-old. Although my boss is a man of the highest integrity, it would be easy for people to make assumptions about how I got the job and how I keep it. I think it’s important to establish clear boundaries from the beginning. Many boundaries my boss and I have established are unspoken, but still important. I don’t ever close the door if we are in the office alone. We almost never work late together, my boss prefers to come in early. I’m pleasant and can crack a joke, but not flirtatious. We don’t travel together. I often text/ email him reminders but we always keep it just about business. Most importantly, I’ve established a good relationship with his wife. I believe people respect me and I hope that respect translates to more respect for him as an executive of our company.

Title	So my boss refered to me as his work wife...
Author	chairman_mau5
Upvotes	7
Comments	32
Date	December 6, 2016 4:21 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5gqukd/so_my_boss_refered_to_me_as_his_work_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/so-my-boss-refered-to-me-as-his-work-wife.209325 https://theredarchive.com/post/209325

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