Mortgage or Rent

ldonnawho · 2020-09-10T04:34:20+00:00

My husband and I don't have fully joint accounts, we have a "Yours, Mine, Ours" system of sorts. We have an account for all household expenses and we both put 10% of our incomes in it. So from that account, our property taxes and shared expenses are paid off.

It doesn't feel like we're going 50/50 because it's one account for all the things people would traditionally split. I pay for anything him & I are gonna enjoy from our joint account and mostly reinvest my money.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-10T12:07:37+00:00

If I'm paying 50/50 of the rent and utilities, I have a roommate, not a boyfriend/husband. And I won't have male roommates🤷🏻‍♀️

wootykins · 2020-09-10T04:40:53+00:00

For rent, I prefer if the guy pays housing 100% or we split it based on income percentage - i.e. if he earns 60% of our combined income, he pays 60% of the rent.

For mortgage - if the house was solely in his name I’d bring up contracting an equity share based on income percentage. I am your girlfriend, not your tenant nor your friend. For example, if we lived together for a year, I want to be entitled to however much value the house increased, based on our income percentage. Never had this conversation before with someone, but if he refuses, I will negotiate a paying lower monthly percentage (“I’m not helping you pay for your mortgage - that’s wifey shit”) or I simply won’t move in with him. I can afford my own damn place.

If the house was in my name - I’d split mortgage payments based on our income percentages. I wouldn’t bring it up (😛) but if he wants to split equity from the mortgage I’d be more than willing to oblige him.

I did date a guy who was way below my income percentage (unemployed and disabled), and we moved in to my new 3br condo. I didn’t charge him rent, but he did all sorts of repairs around the house so I felt it was a fair exchange.

kwalden2 · 2020-09-10T07:33:27+00:00

I had my husband pay 100% rent for a while, and I kept my earnings in my own account. It was fair at the time, but it wouldn't always be fair for a 2-incime couple. I've also had times where we put almost everything together except a small emergency fund for me. The bills and other purchases all came from a joint account. We did have to consult each other on larger purchases, which is fair, but a HVM won't be overbearing when you do consult him. Vet for that generosity, and recall that this is part of why men pay for dates. A HVM in marriage will also more than likely to be able to contribute his fair share or more to the joint account. Pretty much any of that is fine, as long as you have your "fuck-off" emergency fund. What my parents did was have a $100-dollar limit. Anything over that number, they consulted each other on. Your number could be lower or higher- probably higher with inflation, but lower for poor/struggling couples. Aso vet for a man who doesn't typically spend a lot more than you'd be okay with.

Also note that the labor for actually paying the bills/tracking the bills should be fairly equally shared, or at least compensated for.

That pretty much covers spending. Retirement/savings funds can just be combined and shared or split when need be. Honestly, the fair savings split in case of divorce is why I find the safety of marriage important even for a successful working woman.

Being a SAHM or having a large income difference is a much different situation. I cannot comment except to say that an SAHM should still have her own account/dedicated funds FOR HER as well as for household maintenance.

We all know that he should not be eating at a steakhouse while you are eating home-cooked beans and rice. If stuff like that is not happening, and you are prepared for emergencies, you're probably okay.

Now that I think of it, a dedicated and equal budget for self-spending is probably pretty fair. If he gets to spend X amount per year on his personal hobbies, so can you. I like that idea, tbh. That's something to think about if you really want to keep track. However, there are also emergency times when budgets would need to be slashed unexpectedly. Counting the pennies on each side during emergencies is not high value behavior. Make sure that neither person has that type of self-centered attitude when things get tough. See how he behaves in times of need.

alymelni · 2020-09-10T14:42:08+00:00

My fiancé pays for the majority of the groceries, the entire mortgage (house is under my name), vehicle payment, the majority of the dates (I'll pitch in when it's my idea, but even then he tends to pay). We will be doing his, hers, ours accounts after we get married.

understatedalways · 2020-09-10T12:46:14+00:00

Yes mine paid for everything. And I mean that, everything. My money was mine and his money was mine. And he was fine with it. I don’t get with cheap, poor men.

Microwave79 · 2020-09-10T07:26:49+00:00

My so pays the rent, utilities. I cover my own phone bill and the internet and cable bill, we alternate on groceries. My partner and I make about the same, but he has 20x the savings as me due to good investments. He says he’d rather I save for my future than spend money on rent (even though I have offered to pay a portion of rent, as I don’t fully subscribe to the man has to pay for everything ideology this sub sometimes has)

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-10T14:59:31+00:00

My condo is in my name so I pay the strata fees and property taxes myself (no mortgage, I own it free and clear). My husband pays for the car payments and insurance as those bills are in his name (he owned the car before we were married although he's since traded up and my name is on the new car as a co-signer). Hydro bill is in my name so I pay that; phones and internet are in his name so he pays those. Then for household supplies and groceries, it kind of goes back and forth. If you add it all up he pays more overall which is fine since he earns more. From experience, I wouldn't date or marry a man who earned less than me or whose income was uncertain, i.e. no "self-employed" men.

supremelyparanoid · 2020-09-10T06:08:14+00:00

I curious about this too. I’ve read the handbook but I wonder how couples living the FDS way use their money and who pays what especially when renting or marriage etc

Title	Mortgage or Rent
Author	Microwave79
Upvotes	20
Comments	27
Date	September 9, 2020 4:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipiy7x/mortgage_or_rent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mortgage-or-rent.212402 https://theredarchive.com/post/212402

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