I've seen so much LVM behavior both in my personal life and online and celebrated in the media that I don't even know how to enjoy sex anymore. I can't get past the idea that sex is something that men take from women or do to women.

My boyfriend cares about my pleasure, always makes sure I have fun, and is super intimate with kissing and being romantic during sex. He also is proactive in the rest of our dating life. He cooks more than I do, is neat, dresses well, has hygiene, plans dates, always makes sure I'm having fun, listens well, all the stuff that so many guys are incapable of.

But due to my own bad past experiences, I can't shake the feeling that he is just putting on an act and doing what he has to do to get to sex at the end of the day. And I can't help feeling that all the "focusing on my pleasure" stuff is just a cover for him being obsessed with getting himself off. There is no evidence for this. He always tells me he is fine if we don't have sex or if I'm not in the mood. Cognitively I think he means that. Intuitively/lizard brain-edly I don't buy it for half a second.

And I can't help feeling that sex is the price of admission I have to pay to be in a relationship. You hear so many people say "you should never have sex unless you're 100% enthusiastic," but I could easily drop down to once a week or probably even once a month in terms of libido, but he often wants to go twice in a single day. I know if I only had sex when I really wanted to he'd be out the door in under a month.