My(21M) has a fiance F(21) was crying because I don't emotionally connect with her.

HornsOfApathy · 2020-09-10T20:10:24+00:00

This belonged in /r/askmrp.

For those of you that responded you all have Rule 11 bans.

Pycnostyle · 2020-09-10T19:14:27+00:00

I know this isn't what you asked, but what's the rush to get married at only 21 years old? You two hardly even know your adult selves yet. How could you possibly know if you would make good life partners for each other?

PillUpAss · 2020-09-10T18:54:20+00:00

don’t do things on her terms

You know you have a frame problem already, that’s good. I talk about crazy far out shit with women, because that’s what I want to do. If I didn’t and they asked why not, I would say its because I don’t want to. She’s welcome to bring up any topic she wants, isn’t she? Remember your assertive rights (WISNIFG).

aLL1HU · 2020-09-10T19:26:27+00:00

Sounds like a simple comfort test

toomim · 2020-09-10T19:11:19+00:00

Try communicating emotionally. That means listening emotionally, and speaking emotionally. When she cries, that's like her saying "sadness" to you, and you can put your heart into thinking about how she's sad. Then you might get a feeling for where she is at, and other ideas might pop up.

Our emotions and feelings are like guideposts through life. Being sad or happy means that other thoughts and behaviors will be more likely than others. If you are connected in emotions, then you will be more likely to have the same types of thoughts and behaviors come up. More synchronicity. This can lead to more possibilities.

Some of those possibilities might be talking about crazy stuff. Stuff like aliens. Which normally might seem like stuff you don't bring up, but if you are both emotionally connected, it could intuitively seem like a totally fine thing to bring up. This is a sign that you are connected.

If you aren't connected emotionally, and you try to match emotions and connect, but don't, then you might ask yourself why. It's possible that your emotions are wanting to go in a different direction than hers, even though your mind likes being with her and wants to get married. Like, your body, intuition, or instincts might be leading you in a different direction. It's also possible that you are just young and haven't found your groove yet. So give it some time and space and try connecting emotionally and see if there's a place you get stuck and a reason you get stuck.

And if you connect with her emotionally, it doesn't mean you are doing things on her terms. You gotta distinguish between communication and leadership. A good leader has to communicate and be connected with his people. You gotta be able to feel what they're feeling. You gotta be able to lead them through difficult emotions to the future. So you gotta learn to communicate emotionally both ways. You'll need to be able to do this while holding onto your own knowledge of truth. Don't get lost in the other person's emotions. Just feel them, and feel yours, and feel the combined entity that is the union of the two of you, and then put it there, put words to it, see it in front of you, talk about the options, and then make a choice about where to go. Choice is separate from connection, but it needs connection in order to be wise.

WhisperedThings5 · 2020-09-10T19:16:28+00:00

Ugh why would anyone get married at 21?? Christ.

stoicstephen · 2020-09-10T19:08:56+00:00

You just have to better your Beta game.

There's a lot of material out there about that.

Get to work.

MRP5248 · 2020-09-10T19:46:22+00:00

Questions can be posted in /r/askMRP. This is not for the main MRP subreddit.

Liberal-Federalist · 2020-09-10T18:50:30+00:00

Your frame and your grammer are awful.

Title	My(21M) has a fiance F(21) was crying because I don't emotionally connect with her.
Author	Tlapas77
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	September 10, 2020 6:40 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/iq9e3q/my21m_has_a_fiance_f21_was_crying_because_i_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/my21m-has-a-fiance-f21-was-crying-because-i-dont.214785 https://theredarchive.com/post/214785

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