Does anyone else have a problem with obsessively thinking about your girlfriend's imperfect sexual past?

quicklogaccount · 2017-04-04T19:54:43+00:00

It bothered the shit out of me with my ex. Probably one of the key reasons for us to end.

It's just hard for me to think about the possible future mother of my children doing some of these things...

This is the thing. That line above smells like a shitty rationalization. It's remarkably nonobjective.
What I had to finally come to terms with was that I dated my ex because of sex, no matter what I said, no matter what I thought I felt. It was about sex. And I truly didn't care a lot about whatever else she offered, it was all superfluous for me.
Her sex was objectively cheap though. Easy to get, she gave it to some losers you wouldn't believe. And there I was, paying for it with commitment and promises of eternal love. This caused some issues:

I felt overcharged. I wanted just the sex, not the relationship crap, and I wanted to give just sex, not all else;
I felt she liked the other losers more than me because she gave better quality sex to them, was more kinky;
It became obvious at some point that I could get better sex from hotter women by "wasting" less effort, if only I wasn't committed.

When you ever think of an LTR, you need to think of it with a chick that has a lot more to offer than sex. Sex is easy, cheap, and is paid for with sex. Even if her sex was rare, it's still sex.

terminal_block · 2017-04-04T17:32:29+00:00

When you have equivalent experience it will not bother you as much. But with these hoe bags running around it's difficult to keep up.

Sugar daddy? Not out of the ordinary? That's straight up prostitution.

DrunkenHercules · 2017-04-04T21:51:52+00:00

Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who haven't had threesomes and sugar daddy relationships. One night stands are common though.

Always play the "the more sex you've had with the more people, the more awesome you are" to figure things out, but only if you're screening for LTR potential - otherwise DO NOT ASK.

As TheRedPill says, don't LTR a slut - you can't make a hoe a housewife. And if she's not an LTR, why does her past matter? If you really want to though, ride that shit to the wheels fall off, then get out ... just remember to wrap it up.

raisins3142 · 2017-04-04T22:00:13+00:00

Sugar daddy and mmf 3somes is above average slutty.

pprstrt · 2017-04-05T02:33:26+00:00

It can be a problem, but it is a preference based in truth. A woman pair bonds significantly worse the more partners she has. She also has a higher chance of carrying STDs.

Dwelling on it so much that it destroys your love life? Problem.
Choosing to fuck virgins? Not a problem (though more difficult).

Here's some facts:

http://i.imgur.com/rrLe319.jpg

http://www.statisticbrain.com/percent-of-female-infidelity-based-on-number-of-premarital-partners/

http://public.psych.iastate.edu/ccutrona/psych592a/articles/Sexual%20infidelity%20in%20women.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201304/the-lingering-psychological-effects-multiple-sex-partners

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201401/how-many-premarital-sex-partners-should-you-have

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2733220/Women-don-t-sleep-wedding-happier-marriages-men-play-field-without-worry-study-finds.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/21/more-sexual-partners-unhappy-marriage_n_5698440.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2540009/Women-sleep-university-likely-depressed.html

SkimSTi · 2017-04-04T17:26:05+00:00

nope.

worrying about someones past (or even your own past) will do absolutely NOTHING for you. you cant change it. whats there to obsess about? focus on your present.

sounds like you need to marry a virgin.

Fitness---thing · 2017-04-05T03:18:03+00:00

Not going deep. Yep. Ex disclosed 26 partners not including me. I hamstered for a while. It led me to putting it aside long enough to realize, whether or not she lied (she was a bit loony), she was an amateur in bed and I got to experience teaching, something I love to do. But it definitely fucked with my judgments about her, and probably because she lacked in other ways like general emotional intelligence. She wasn't discrete or thoughtful about her "experience". Now I am really quick to peg slutty girls and instantly see them as insecure, shallow, trifling hobags because that's how they move through life. For the other dudes talking about match her experience it won't bother you, that's bs, I have 20 girls in my past and 19 at the time of dating that girl, it still messed with me. Think what you will though.

Cunt_Robber · 2017-04-05T03:29:37+00:00

Is it just me or does it matter less and less the older you get? I remember I used to be like that with my first few girlfriends, but then I started just trying to get laid without commitment (I was putting in more work toward something I realized had less value than I was brought up to believe lol) and after gaining substantial experience I stopped giving a fuck. Women are all the same. you undress them, squeeze their tits, fuck their pussy while they sit there with their legs spread open, then it's back to whatever else you were doing. Seeking out those 5-10 minutes of fucking is man's greatest weakness. He sacrifices too much for the purity of the pussy he's filling. Learn to get over it, it's nothing special. Just dont have a family.

TxnyMontana · 2017-04-05T02:59:41+00:00

You have to accept that your girlfriend is a fucking slut. A dirty nasty slut who has been in threesomes, did anal, drank too much semen, etc.

Sounds too harsh, does not it? Haha I did not want to make you feel uncomfortable bro, but this is the fact:

When you're dating a woman and you know that she has had a lot of sex and enjoyed the sex she had with other partners, you feel angry, sad, disappointed. Well, this can be traumatic, but I'm going to propose some ideas:

Does it bother you that she has had more experience than you? That can make you feel insecure, yes. But let me tell you what in reality happens, from the perspective of a woman: Women have rejected more sex than you may reject in your life. Women go out and there are 100 guys who want to fuck with her.

Another thing. From the perspective of women. When she loves you, she really loves you completely, she does not compare you to the other guys she's had sex with. Maybe you feel that because you're comparing her to other women. But women are actually sweet, not so bad. They forget their sexual past when they are your partner, when they love you. You may think that your girlfriend fucked an athlete and you're thinking "oh my god, he's fucked this guy with an athletic body, a six pack and a huge penis" Well, let me tell you this. She loves you man, and she does not care about the past because she has a connection with you, so do not get paranoid about it.

Man's peak is in his 30's. A girl's peak is in their early 20's. So she probably has more sexual partners than you. Accept that your girlfriend likes sex, accept that she has enjoyed it without you. But keep in mind this: We also like sex. So if she likes it too, she is welcome to the club of people who enjoys sex. It's not that fantastic?

RedSkeller · 2017-04-04T20:10:49+00:00

So don't ask. Or date a girl with a past you have no problem with. As long as you are comfortable it's not an issue, if it is, break up because you'll never get over it.

[deleted] · 2017-04-04T20:42:43+00:00

No because I haven't got a girlfriend.

sd4c · 2017-04-05T00:11:47+00:00

If you dislike a girl's past- There's nothing stopping you from dating 18-year olds (who therefore are likely to have less partners) except for your own lifestyle and creativity.

missingpiece · 2017-04-05T04:14:42+00:00

I'd say it depends on the past. If a girl's only fucked a few people, eh, it's the 21st century, and who can blame a girl for doing what every magazine, blog, movie, and peer is telling them to do? Threesomes, sugar daddy stuff? Yeahno, don't put a ring on that.

If a girl has done more kinky shit than you, she won't respect you. If she's had a threesome, you need to have had three-somes...

But even then, I wouldn't try to make a whore into a housewife. Don't pay premium price for secondhand clothes.

Pitchfork51 · 2017-04-04T21:14:15+00:00

Because you haven't. And it makes you insecure about your lack of women.

sd4c · 2017-04-05T02:13:53+00:00

Never say never. Remain vigilant, my brother! But you are on the right track.

No sex, no relationship

No hymen, no diamond.

No kids, no marriage

nicetimeisback · 2017-04-04T23:59:37+00:00

You are not (i hope) going to have a lifelong ltr with her, or be in a marriage (i hope) with her.

See the relationship as something temporarily, for the simple fact that you don't know the future, and you have boundaries and standards.

So it's pretty possible that sometime in the future you will have to dump her (out she dump you), just a possibility, yet you are not sure about stay with her your whole life.

So, so.. Enjoy your turn, and don't care about her past

jeezydasnowman · 2017-04-04T18:31:30+00:00

Not if you're a sexual "deviant" ... as Seth Rogan in "The Interview" so eloquently put it, "they hate us cuz they anus!"

What I'm saying is your upset because you have never had these things, or you don't have the stomach for them. You are old-fashioned at best, insecure at worst.

Title	Does anyone else have a problem with obsessively thinking about your girlfriend's imperfect sexual past?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	30
Date	April 4, 2017 5:17 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/63figd/does_anyone_else_have_a_problem_with_obsessively/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-anyone-else-have-a-problem-with-obsessively.216080 https://theredarchive.com/post/216080

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