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LTR break up shit test

Reddit View
March 16, 2019
68 upvotes

Long story short, everything was fine between me and my 6m LTR, she cancels a date last minute and sends me a text the day after saying we have to talk.

We meet, she tells me we have to break up because she had a fight with her parents and they'll be limiting her freedom and actions so she can't see me anymore ( we are from a Muslim background but are both non religious).

This breakup out of the blue seems like a giant shit test from an inexperienced girl wanting to test my interest in her. I was nonchalant about it and said if that's what she decide I'm fine with it.

She has since sent me two texts, first one asking if I wanted to break up, and the second asking me to talk to her. I'm ready to hit the next button but I don't want to rush as I've seen no red flags from this girl.

I just need redpilled points of view on the matter. Any opinions are appreciated.


Post Information
Title LTR break up shit test
Author CallMeBR
Upvotes 68
Comments 42
Date 16 March 2019 12:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/222146
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b1mmlj/ltr_break_up_shit_test/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipshit test
Comments

[–]RedLegendx88 points89 points  (1 child) | Copy

Let it be, she was the one that broke up with you, she has to be the one with the idea of getting back together (if you wish to get back with her). I’d start pulling back, you don’t want her to start using you for attention until she gets over you.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's exactly what I'm doing. As soon as we broke up, I iniated no contact. I won't be answering texts or calls because I don't see the point of doing that now.

[–]LLL3peat45 points46 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait wait wait. You are considering this ? Relationship was great but she pulled the nuclear shit test to see if you were committed and to shift power in the relationship for no reason?

Think about it. Let her come back to you. Otherwise if she keeps begging when she will, why would you be in a relationship with someone who breaks up to test loyalty?

She is asking you if you want to breakup and talk about it to see if you are invested or if you have potential options as she thinks she does. The other thing is she might have someone in mind to replace you with, but is testing if she did a quick break up with you today, what would happen 3-4 months down the road if she did it again to branch swing?

Your call

[–]CallMeBR[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yea, you're right. I'm considering this a red flag and I'm disappointed in her for doing this. I don't think answering her questions will change anything but feed her ego,and I'm not gonna do that for free.

[–]CasaDeFranco0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bullet dodged, consider yourself lucky she revealed her stupidity early on.

EDIT

Unless of course you want to make it more legit and get the parents blessing, but it depends if you want to settle down.

[–]OfficerWade13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

An ultimatum like this is going nuclear. I would just tell her if she doesn’t like me for who I am, there’s the fucking door...

[–]fichgoony32 points33 points  (2 children) | Copy

Religious or not, what good is anyone who can't think for themselves?

[–]empatheticapathetic15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thinking for yourself and parental boundaries aren't related at all here.

[–]HurricaneHugues1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Religious people do not think for themselves. If they did they would see the absurdity and hypocrisy of religions.

[–]vicious_armbar 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

I think a lot of guys are looking at this from the western context. Muslim parents can go bat shit crazy over their daughters dating. Sometimes to the point of actually murdering them rather than allowing them to have sex before marriage.

Also if op is in a Muslim country it’s not as simple as “go bang other women”. Almost all of the women are locked in their house under male guardianship. Whether formalized through the legal system or informal. The only exception are shopkeepers who work with their husbands, and are also recorded by store video cameras. I’ve been to the Middle East and North Africa. I know.

I say op should continue to play it cool and give her a second chance if that’s what -he- wants.

[–]WindIsMyMusic10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Finally a commenter who acknowledges the existence of world outside U.S. of A. and that life there may be very different from the American life.

[–]pussykiller0096 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You mean arab parents , not muslims I ´ve been in a lotta non arab countries dominated by muslims, most of the parents don’t give a F about their daughters dating life

[–]CallMeBR[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You make a good point. But getting laid is not really a problem. I live alone, have a car and a job. That helps a lot with girls here and getting a lay just takes more time than in a western country but it's completely possible.

Give her a second chance is something I'm considering but this batshit crazy behavior is a big red flag for us to remain exclusive. I think demoting her to a Plate is the right idea as another comment suggested.

[–]Xerexes3869-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He clearly said they are not religious.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Buh Bye.

[–]patacsiipse9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start seeing other girls, time will tell if she comes back, anyways you will have the choice then to take her back or not

[–]Xerexes38692 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

People will always try to do what they want to do at your expense despite having an agreement not to. Once they get comfortable, they test you to see if they can get away with more. People always need a reminder or an 'attitude adjustment'. Always have leverage and other options and be ready to execute. You're gonna need them. Life is one big power struggle. Nothing but chaos. Learn to get comfy in it. You need to soft next and pull way back. Stop initiating contact and reply in concise statements. No discussion over should you guys break up or get together again. She already bumped you off. Either she needs to fix it on her own or you need to move on. Because if you try to fix it, power balance will tilt completely towards her and you will never recover.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't you think that no contact would work better? Replying at all shows interest in my opinion. I already ignored her first two texts, why reply now? But I'm 100% with you with the attitude adjustment. I have to put a stop to shit like this.

[–]AuberyBitoni2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you break up one time, the relationship is over in my experience. There's no trust anymore.

[–]smartstarfish5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I would say if you’re under 25 just go next and look for plates.

And I would say if you’re over 25 next her as well because she sounds unable to run her own life without her parents deciding for her.

However If this is normal for your culture then I would not expect it to be a test.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I would not consider it normal but it's not reason enough for a break up. She's the rebellious type so whatever her parents said to her will not stop her doing whatever she wants. And this is exactly why I think this breakup is a shit test. Again, I don't want to be hamstering this shit and I'm 100% ready to next.

[–]smartstarfish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Next for sure. Good on you

[–]architectintx 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

two issues:

  1. this could be a pure power dynamic, in which case, dont respond for a week or two to see how things play out, keep your options open and demonstrate that you have options without explicitly saying so
  2. she could be thinking of branch swinging , in which case, show her the door now.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two completely possible options.

I'll give it a dozen days to see if she'll salvage or fix what she did, if not hard next.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She’s demoted to plate. Why LTR someone who issues such large shit tests? The alternative is it’s not a shit test and she really does want to break up with you and there you go - plate. Getting back into a LTR with you should require massive demonstrations of repentance from her. But even so, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. NEXT!

[–]CallMeBR[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the first large shit test she threw at me. I've been doing good with all her other tests but I've had a fun filled trip recently and I think this has caused her to go batshit crazy.

Anyways, I'll be playing it slow for a couple days considering my next move.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let me know it goes, it’s an interesting scenario

[–]kaolin2240 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The shit tests are a red flag to me, but they all do it to some extent, so deal with it as you will. My concern would be that this is just the beginning, and there will come a time when the pussy isn't hot enough to warrant dealing with it.

What she's doing is a popular fantasy among modern women. Somewhere along the line they romanticized the idea of you "fighting for them", even when there's no one, or reason, to fight.

When that happens, they'll simply invent one.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with you completely but in my case, how would you deal with it?

[–]kaolin2241 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're doing the right thing. Don't play her games. She wants to break up? That's her decision. The consequences are also on her.

Like earlier posts said, don't ever put yourself in a position where she realizes the mind games work. It'll never end from there.

You have two options here:

1) You're single again, so move on.

Personally, there's no reason to stay in contact or "remain friends" because I don't like the idea of being plan B, or her beginning to call you to "vent" about whatever when she needs attention.

She's no longer interested? That's fine, you gave it your best shot. You have your own life in front of you, so get back to work.

2) If, not when, she asks for a redux, you have to decide if you really like her that much to let this slide.

If so, you sit her down and explain that kind of behavior is unacceptable and this is her only second chance. If she even hints at treating you that way again, it's over. Permanently.

And you make good on your word, because she will try and test you on that later again.

Maintain your standards, respect yourself, and never tolerate anyone who disrespects your commitment and time.

This is why I mentioned earlier that these games are a red flag for me. Give them an inch...

[–]LordMarkStark0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have a more simple perspective. You like her. She wondered if she should still break up. You probably said of course not. Don't be silly. Didn't you?

It was an outside source/impetus she used. That would have tested her conviction. To my mind she just wants to see if it's worth it, and if you're playing ball after second thoughts. It's normal for girls even guys to doubt things after some time wondering compatibility. The above is not being beta. But she damn well has a hide for asking this of you.

If you want her back let it slide. Be together and forget about it. If you get together tell her not to worry about it. No sense having weirdness in what was already good. I think the idea in her mind would be not to pull that shit on you again. You've already demonstrated solidarity in yourself. But certainly now you have to address it, do so. It's like saying without all the insecurity and over thinking elsewhere, if you want to be with me cut the crap and do it/put your money where your mouth is. It's her who's bending. Forgive her weakness as she's moving closer. Never when she's moving away. She's moving closer.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Okay. She is showing weakness but how is it my responsibility to fix her mess? It was she who asked to break up, and I obviously can't say no to that question.

I ignored everything else she has sent me. On my end, I didn't show I cared and that's why I'm gonna keep a no contact rule until she apologizes or hard next.

[–]LordMarkStark0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can ignore my advice if it doesn't suit you, thats ok. There's no single way. If you have that kind of relationship with her where she would accept that, then do that. Its only my perspective.

Well, as to weakness, I don't know - capitalize on it. Its a relationship and you're status is just complicated at the moment. You clearly don't want it to be that way, and you are thinking a lot about it. Yet here you are going on about frame control when you don't probably need to play games. The delay in saying "yes mam! plz have me back!" is pretty much done. You can move towards that and like not see her for a week. The tension can still be there.

Do you want to torture her for the sake of some ego when its not required (if indeed its not, because I don't know specifics), so in that view of mine superficial as it is, is why I said that.

IF its just about 'being a man' then even by coming on here, you've been a baby. You're asking for an apology - what you think she won't give one? How far down on her knees will she need to be before you're satisfied. But then I don't know maybe you truly don't want to be with her and that is ok too.

I'd love you to be able to see my text messages to girls, half of them throw themselves at me. I am also called a nice guy????

Yuh. And duh. I'm just not a doormat and if a girl I don't like too much is being all sexual and waving her pussy about I don't bite and it drives her wild. I also do other things and every girl is different. So these things manifest in different ways. There is no fucking way in hell I would have a girl EVER dump me because someone said. But I don't think you're carrying that cred given your age and the culture things. BUT plz, I could be wrong and I am just spitballing theoretics here. Don't take offence. If you're more narcissistic than many then also please take that into consideration in how I am talking - I am purely trying to be general, and also I am not trying to say you're not good or something.

I can be indignant. But then again, I have done nothing wrong. I am all for TRP - but please remember its just a mindset - it does not take into account ego sparring and all the rest. You don't have to be 100% alpha for a girl, its a nonsense. You could already have solved this, perhaps, theoretically speaking, supposing, yet here you are with the same attitude that landed you there. Don't take this the wrong way. I am just saying, and its my superficial impersonal look. I don't expect you to have to follow my advice, but please use it as food for thought. We are not the same people and its ok. I really do wish you luck since you are disconcerted by it all. And trust me I would be too. But I think you'll be ok actually is the other takeaway.

- Here's another thing, sometimes a girl will want a fight and a bit of drama, relationships can have an undercurrent of agitation and its ok to get that out in the air -- so if this issue served her to 'agitate' things and see how you handle it because of some hindbrain thing, then technically speaking it will all wash away. So I don't see why you would want to delay the process too much. However in saying that, I also know there's no reason for you to rush within reason. So I am not against exactly what you're saying/plans. Just my perspective. Because TRP talks mostly about men with their own problems - but we must consider the other side in the relationship too in this one, if she's feeling a specific way then it needs a specific solution beyond the blanket "oh next" and "squirm, bitch, squirm"! feel good responses.

Like I said you could have hard nexted her, sure or soft-nexted her; but you can also soft-accept her then like not see her for ages. I'd take a girl back then like say to myself 'she's pissing me off' and steer clear for a little bit. Its ok. Obligate her. Its a form of submission too. There's give and take in relationships, but you may not see out the year. But after this period, you probably owe it to yourself to have some smooth sailing and good times. If she takes you back or how do we say "YOU take her back" come on mate, if she takes you back, then she will expect some better relationship bullshit going on, and you have a chip on your shoulder from your message - though granted its just a snapshot in time, you're probably a very cool guy.

Thats my genius in this, do 3 things at once. Sweep her up and if its not on, don't worry, kick her to the curb. However I am not feeling what you're feeling, and in that case take as long as you feel necessary. God knows, we could all take breaks from relationships if given half a chance, its for your judgement and not mine. Best of luck. Remember, girls have long memories. She'll bring crap up from ages ago you forgot. In 6 months time she could bring this back up and use it against you. The truth changes. Pick satisfaction or happiness.

End that part:.. Next part. You're suspicious. But who knows, she cancelled a date, she could have wanted a girls night out or to sleep with someone, or test the waters with someone. She used an excuse and is testing boundaries. So if there is something deeper going on, as her interest level is dropping, but for whatever reason she turned her back on that line of progress. Now she wants to talk and also ask if you want to break up. You did the right thing, and I am not saying its wrong.

If you had said sure we can get back together but lets quit the crap, its a double edged sword. In dealing with others you don't know what she's doing. If anything after 6 months she'd be wandering. Keep your enemies closer. Its not up to you to solve her problems but it sure helps to get a better idea. There is no tactic for this. But you can go about it without giving validation until its required to progress things. Whatever you do now is going to be a move in her eyes, so laying low is your best bet only because it retains the status quo. But when it comes time to do something, who knows she could have moved toward another, or anything. You can play with her for a few days but you do need a resolution. In my thing originally above you can get the ball rolling and the hassle/bother of it all coming through because you're not giving validation, calling her out a little, and not simply appeasing her, like a proper fight, can weld her closer to you because by the end she is 'sick of it' because she just wants to continue the relationship. haha! And you're refusing to see her/both of you would until its resolved.

There's no one way. Your arguing tactics must not be developed yet. Obfuscate a little, admit to not much, but come to an agreement even if you don't bend to her whim and are almost letting her go away - you're in an argument (does not need to be a heated one or be over in a flash/day, could go on and on)... if she is still arguing, she still gives a stuff :) She wants actions and gradual words over time. The arguing is just a little song and dance. She doesn't care about that crap. If she does, she's petty. And you don't want a petty girl anyway.

We can say it in that manner because who knows maybe you will air more than you otherwise do that if you protect yourself, because its better to be open and honest ultimately than be specifically honest in every single second. Which no one is here anyway, so I have tailored my advice for that - people use strategy and all that. Its as rubbery as the above.

I dont know man, how else do you get what you BOTH want in a relationship? By nexting her every time she flips out? Nexting is my second step or third because arguing is so revealing, if you argue with enough integrity and a dash of compassion. Argue her into the dirt then get on with trying to love her ass.

Thats not a tactic its just something you should be doing. After all is said and done nothing is certain. You said things were 'great' but if you're not arguing as such even little things, its not actually great. Its tenuous and maybe a little bland since its not open enough and stimulating enough over time, ups and downs - not a rollercoaster - but drama and green verdant valleys, some rainbows, then a storm, more happiness, you know what I mean. At the 6 months mark she may be thinking well nothing's happening anyway.

Yeh this is why some red pill people don't do relationships but I am sure you're made of more fortitude than that. Its called conviction and I know you have it. You don't accept any old thing - I can tell. By merely having conviction and a willing attitude to give her a chance like she is you, you can keep your terms and she may value it all more. Not that she isn't, but something set her mind off. You could steamroll whatever that was, I will say its tenuous for you two now, but you could make it all stronger. To finish as its a bit long now, sorry, do what you think is write, I am just saying for people and you, strength comes in many ways. If you want it to continue you will have to stop avoiding her at some point enough.

[–]panscrypto0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This happened to me too. Like 3 times in a relationship of 3 months. Once she wanted to brake up and we did for 4 days. Then she called me and was amazed that I didnt call back and how I could forget her this quick. It was fun playing with her like that. Maybe she cheated in that time or maybe she had another guy at the side the whole time with me but I wasnt going to mary her so I didnt care

[–]RedLegendx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t want to keep beating the dead horse but just to add, I don’t know if it’s been said but, if a chick really digs you, she’ll say fuck her religion and keep seeing you secretly, she won’t care what her parents have to say, she wants you so she’ll chase you down.

[–]spartan_samurai0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she has dropped the breakup shit test on you once and if you two get back together she will probably do that again.

Don't let her pull the strings of your life.

[–]priapula0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

http://archive.is/ENAtL

One of my favorite articles

[–]RedHoodhandles0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If she'd really be interested in you and this relationship, she would have played this waaaay safer. This was an open threat and she pulled the gun on you. And non RP man would have bent over backwards to salvage the LTR.

It's hardcore manipulative and a nuclear option she chose so that you (have to) enter her frame. Don't try to plate an ex. You have more mental drain than the sexy time is worth imo. As always in cases like this, I tell you:

Don't deal with terrorists. Hard next. Ghost.

[–]CallMeBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like this reply the most hahaha.

[–]Fulp_Piction0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

'ok'

[–]hazelstein0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

😂😂😂 bestone yet

[–]hazelstein-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

OH yess.(muslims) MY best friend had the same shit with 6 year ltr. The girl said she cant keep breaking her parents trust because they check her mobile at shit. The realreason is bitch lost attraction or seeking attention. I WOULD say its not worth it. Forget her. Probably her moral value bullshit came up I know how it is with these bitch. They will suck your dick and a month later would we shouldn't do it its a sin. A bitch sent me nudes for validation. Didn't gave her for long time. She started to fet on ny nerve saying things i love u u don't give me time then she said we shouldn't talk because its a sin.



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