696,979 posts

Keeping Perspective

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July 12, 2019
24 upvotes

I work in (among other places) the American Automotive industry. Big plants, big unions, big pressure. Gran Torino Get-off-my-lawn style, just a generation younger.

 

This morning, a guy at the plant who worked night shift committed suicide in the parking lot. He got off work, got in his car, pulled his pistol from the glovebox, put it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. There's a rumor that it's wife/kids leaving-implosion-situation, but regardless I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around how he got to that point.

 

You see, I've been to the bottom, or at least as close as you can get without living on the street. I've faced the fact that my child will likely be born with a debilitating disease. We thankfully dodged that bullet but her first 2 months of life were spent in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) with 4 major surgeries along the way, including the first one 5 minutes after she was born. I made nowhere near enough to pay those bills with shitty small business insurance, but $10k too much for charities to even consider me. I had a March of Dimes (USA Charity) rep in the NICU tell me that if I'd divorce my wife that Medicaid would cover most and they would pick up the rest. That's what they did for our room neighbor's baby whose baby-daddy was in jail and she lied about having insurance. I was hard headed and proud then. Today I think I'd be more pragmatic.

 

I've declared bankruptcy. I've been foreclosed on. $350k+ of medical bills going to Collections will make that acceptable real fast. During that time I had my identity stolen along with my debit card (mid 2000s) and went negative value, can't deposit a check or it will be seized broke, for a few months until I got the fraud sorted.

 

In that time, when I was at my lowest, I never once considered suicide. And I think it was just a matter of keeping perspective.

 

I've had a lot of jobs. Most I've left voluntarily, one or two it wasn't by my choice. But I am confident in my value so I don't worry about finding work.

 

I've struggled recently with alcohol. 1-2 drinks turns into 5-6 too often (past 5 years, not previously). I can go a week sober no problem, but I enjoy the buzz too much for my long term health. I don't want to eagerly anticipate happy hour anymore. I walked out to my car mid morning today to do my video chat appointment for Sinclair method Naltrexone. It's a problem that's been slowly growing, so I'm going to fix it. At that time I find out about suicide dude, 3 hours earlier 150' away. And I think, damn, how bad does it have to be to go to that headspace?

 

So I'm sitting there thinking "my life isn't perfect, but damn how could it ever get to that point?" and I just don't see it. If you read this and you can bridge the gap in my understanding, take a big step back and reevaluate.

 

She left you? Ok, there's 3.5 billion women on the planet she's not that special. There's more women like her. She didn't arrive on a pedestal, you put her there.

 

She's taking your kids? Ok, get a good lawyer to limit the damage. Remain positive, be as much a part of your kids' life as possible, and play the long game. My home-life was good early, but rough as a teenager. My father and I get along great as adults, even though I respect him less now (lifetime blue pill) than I did as a child. My mother and I get along fine too. Stay in your child's life and they will understand you as adults later.

 

Lost your job? Eh, it's not the end of the world. USA doesn't have debtor's prison, the worst that happens is they take your stuff and you start over. Been there, done that, it isn't fun but it's nowhere near the black hole that it's perceived to be.

 

Feel stuck and powerless? It's all in your head. Being born in the USA (Or Canada, Australia, NZ, or Western Europe) gives you a financial and opportunistic advantage over most of the rest of the world. Make a plan and work it, you're already better off than a significant part of global population.

 

At the end of the day you're a man, you have value or at least the potential to be valuable and the world will open to you if you put in the work. You should go into the darkness clawing for another breath, not meekly accepting or worse yet welcoming it.

 

If you feel like checking out please recognize that is not normal, and perhaps you're not calibrated to the realities of life as squarely as you think. Please talk to someone


Post Information
Title Keeping Perspective
Author Commander_Nomad
Upvotes 24
Comments 23
Date 12 July 2019 02:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/245228
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cc58qu/keeping_perspective/
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Comments

[–]An_Actual_Politician9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've had nowhere near the suffering you've had, but my wife fucked a "friend of mine" a year and a half ago. I got red pill real quick. Gym, sidebar, diet, sidebar, discipline, sidebar, more gym.

I've been in that place that many guys are most afraid of, and I can tell you this - if you practice red pill theory? Even that isn't bad. Know why? Because I'm a fun, attractive, interesting man of value who now does what he wants with whoever he wants now.

I don't think there are many things that can pull a guy out of depression like MRP. Congrats to you for putting in the work to keep the world around you properly contextualized. I'm getting there, and that's all I want for any of you assholes.

If you're considering suicide please talk to someone about it immediately, then start tackling that sidebar like your life depends on it, mainly because it does.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret7 points8 points  (14 children) | Copy

Most suicides happen when ( usually men ) see no way for the pain to stop and taking their own life is the last vestige of control they think they have.

Don't think you had it worse than he did. You didn't grow up in his shoes.

While I'm not pro suicide I'll never begrudge a person who takes their last controlled action that way.

[–]RoccoPinkman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

While I'm not pro suicide I'll never begrudge a person who takes their last controlled action that way.

I get this. I didn’t used to understand suicide. Something I read about Nietzsche in ‘antidote to chaos’ made me understand. I’d look it up but I don’t have time.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'll never begrudge a person who takes their last controlled action that way.

And I see it as pure fucking weakness. I idolized suicide thanks to a childhood that made death a respite from the day to day. I once would have said the same as you.

Today I see it as giving up. Being too weak to accept the pain. There is a great divide between the mindsets, i cant live this anymore and fuck you - tear me screaming from this world, I will not go willing.

Tell me whats the difference between laying down your arms and dying on your knees and taking ones life? In a battle this would be considered cowardice, is life not a battle? Are you making any other decision than not to fight?

Do not go gentle...

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I put a gun to my head once. Glock 19.

Either I was a coward, or I found my limit.

Either way.

I am still here and fuck everyone else.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel about my life the same as you.

But I don't know the life of another.

But I can guarantee that if I knew you I'd figure out which buttons applied over enough time will make you off yourself.

[–]Commander_Nomad[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not crying about my situation , not in the slightest. Ive been way down, I'm solid now. Many have had it worse, many have had it better

 

My point is this- men who feel like they have no control left need to recalibrate, take a step back and try to be objective. Because in first world countries it's not easy to get yourself in a situation where you have "no control".

 

And full disclosure, if I'm ever diagnosed with a terminal illness and the pain gets to be too much to still enjoy life, I'll definitely check out on my own terms. But I just can't comprehend a situation where other people's influence in me is so strong that the same final approach is even considered.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

men who feel like they have no control left need to recalibrate, take a step back and try to be objective.

Do you really think it’s that easy? I’ve never considered suicide, but I imagine the pain and depression is way beyond taking a step back. Depression is a motherfucker. I have relatives that suffer from it. It can be paralyzing and debilitating.

I do agree that suicidal men should seek professional help though.

[–]Commander_Nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Taking a step back, as in recognize that train of thought is not normal or healthy and you need to get help.

 

A very close family member was seconds from pulling the trigger when he decided to take a step back. I talked to him about it after the fact - it was the all too common situation of feeling stuck in his career, wife gave him the ILYBINILWY speech, and he felt like he had nowhere to go. He was so invested in the white picket fence dream that he felt his life was wasted. He had the gun in his mouth and the only thing that stopped him was his mother had committed suicide a few years earlier and he thought it was pathetic that she did so. He didn't want his kids to think the same of him. So he took a step back, realized he wasn't thinking straight, and got help.

 

Fast forward a few years and he's still a plugged-in white knight, but he's doing ok.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t call that taking a step back. That was a moment of clarity before he pulled the trigger. If his mom didn’t do the same thing, it’s likely he pulls the trigger there. I’m sure he didn’t say to himself I’m going to take a step back now and think about this. Rather, memories of his mother came flooding back to him, and that moment of clarity came. In other words, it wasn’t a conscious decision to change direction in his thoughts. His thoughts were running him, rather than him running his thoughts at that moment. And his thoughts went to His mom and how that made him feel and how it would make his kids feel. It’s a blessing, is what it is.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is physical pain and there are worse pains

[–]FRedington-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't grow up in his shoes.

We are not all built from the exact same genetic cloth. We vary a lot from one individual to another. Add to that the life experience each of us accumulates. This is our genetic predisposition. Our experience forms a set of values, wants, needs. This merges or modifies our genetic predisposition in how we be able handle hardship, reverses of fortune, attachments, and other life events.

For some the answer is perseverance; for others the answer is self termination. Do not second guess that one whose answer is self termination. It is the answer he chose. You might choose a different path; that is OK too.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Suicide is complicated, it's not merely a "life is tough so I'll just shoot myself" situation. Plenty of well off people do it. If anything, seeing that you CAN do something is often enough for you to keep going.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some men just dont have another run in them. I would give anything to be able to talk that guy down. I hate reading stories like this.

Another man bites the dust and only other men care.

I'll pour out the first sip of my protine shake for this fallen bro.

[–]BarracudaRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good post. We all need to be reminded about our potential as men, and one of our greatest assets is our ability to start over. It's good to be reminded that I'm not the only one who struggles with kids health, medical bills, and other adult stresses. Those things are common to all of us, I'm grateful for posts like these where we can exchange notes.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is all kind of Iron we lift in our lives.

Until you lift that particular Iron, place it to your temple and not blow your brains out.

I am not sure anyone has any room to talk.

Heavyset Iron Ive ever lifted.

Lightest Iron I’ve ever set down.

[–]nobsyoga0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have to wonder if the dude was on any psychiatric medication. I made the mistake of going to see a psychiatrist because I internalized all the bullshit that my wife was giving me instead of turning it around inside me and taking control. I never wanted to commit seriously commit suicide until I was put on psychiatric medication. Once I got off, things the feelings went away and I was able to better take control of my situation.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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