So I have gone 5 weeks without alcohol (except a .33 bottle of cider I swear was apple juice) and today was my first night out without. Now first of all I have gone on a diet that so far have put me 5 kg down, so I went out with some kind of confidence. This was a goodbye to a coworker party in a bar.

So first moment went fine. But as the night went on I saw the people I work with going funny to being drunk. It was a strange feeling. First of all I felt ignored, second of all irritated. People bumping into me all the time.

Tbh I was not sure what to expect but I realized that I have been way to depended on booze to be social. I noticed that I had trouble talking to people and keeping a conversation going, and I ended up drinking cola zero while looking at the phone while the crowd got more and more social.

Second part is that I realized that I am not attractive enough to keep the looks caring me. I hated it, every silent moment when a conversation ran out and no one would start a new one. Meeting a person's eyes just for them to walk through me. It made me question, do I need alcohol to have fun?

It was like I had trouble talking, my mouth would not open to engage in dialogue.

I left early home.

My question is how do you get to be the center of attention, the attraction sober? I do want to be a social highlight, being the person that people approaches to talk, but alcohol fucks up my body.