Yesterday, I got a phone call from my best friend John. I haven't spoken to him in a while but he sounded distraught.

First let me paint a picture. I've known John since I was 5 years old. There were times when we would hang out everyday, sleep-overs, i know his family he knows mine. You know the deal Especially when we we're old enough to go to bars (16 here), we would hang out and drink and try to pick up chicks.

John is the ultimate beta nice guy. He has no idea how to flirt. Is super shy. Feels inferior to other dudes. I think he maybe kissed 2 girls in his life, and had sex with one of them. This girl (let's call her Sally) he met when he was 19, became his first girlfriend, first everything and they are now together for 7 years. She is a headstrong, pretty dominant girl and John was hooked. Took her everywhere (even guy stuff), paid for the rent when they moved in together. Got a bigger appartment, he paid for the mortgage so she could pay off her student loans, the works. She has a job as a lawyer (good salary) but his is somewhat better.

At that time when they got together he lived at home... now as for John's parents...they are loaded. John's dad has a very succesful company and you could tell. John is not the best looking guy in the world but he is tall and has humor. So we have a guy with a good job and rich parents and BP mentality... and a girl with a decent job that walked all over him for 7 years. He's never had a girlfriend before so for him this was it. First girl that's interested in him so he's doing his best to keep her happy. Still believing in unconditional love and all that.

Last night, John called me to tell me he's thinking about breaking up with Sally because he thinks some things are 'just not right' and 'im not gonna spend the rest of my life with her'.

We started talking for hours and everything he said... was RP-related. So I decided to help him out a bit.

He apparently told her that he needed some time to figure some stuff out and it would be best to have some distance. Immediate reaction from her: emotional manipulation as she used to. Try to blame him for being insensitive, telling him 'you're hurting me on purpose', shouting, crying... you know the drill. He didn't budge (so good because he used to fail everytime)

Not even a day later he gets texts from Sally saying: "you know, I can get with loads of guys, they flirt with me all the time" Second strategy: female dread game (pretty explicit but hey) Strategy DENIED. He didn't give a shit anymore.

Now here comes the fun part.

They have been living together in a penthouse worth a fortune, all paid by him (mortgage), so that she could quickly pay off her student loans. Her job is near the place and they have 2 parking spaces and a lot of expensive stuff in the house (which he paid for).

The day after John told her he needed time to think (he wasn't even sure yet), she came by with her parents to get all her stuff, and told him: "Can we meet monday morning 8am because I need to get paperwork done so the parking spot will be in my name". They have a living contract together that states what goes where in the case of a breakup. He hasn't looked into it yet but he assumes it's going to be 50/50.

As I said, John is the ultimate good guy... not wanting to hurt her feelings more, wanting to end things nicely. He was in a emotional state of course so he didn't pick up on it immediately but things started to tick. He said 'whatever' and went on a roadtrip with his brother. He cut off contact with her for a week and in that week... my god the dude has potential. Because of the no-contact, all the daily small manipulation was gone. He's been spending every day with her for 7 years and she's been up in his grill 24/7. continously texting, making him report every hour when he's out with friends. One week away from her and it's like he's seeing things he never saw before.

The phone call:

I told him yesterday: 'You know she's still trying to manipulate you into getting as much out of the breakup as possible, right? Not even a day after you show any doubt and showed her that her tactics won't work this time, she's thinking about material stuff. Where is the love now?'

It's like he woke up from a deep sleep. At first he was like: 'I need to be a good guy and show some goodwill. She doesn't have any money (me neither) because she's using all her paycheck to finish off her student loans so I'm gonna give her a farewell check and let her be on her way.'

Me: Dude. That's your money too. You're making it possible for her to pay off her student loans by paying all the mortgage and all the vacation costs and everything. That is just as much your money as it is hers. And now you're even willing to give her money so she can live somewhere comfortably? Do you think she would have done the same to you?

John: 'yeah she kept telling me that it's the least I can do for her and that I shouldn't talk to my parents (smart people)'

Me: 'she's abusing your goodness and emotional state and preventing you from talking to rational people so she can clean you out as much as she can'

John: Huh... yeah fuck that. that's my parking spot. What if I get a new girlfriend (no despair here, new gf on his mind already) or even worse... I have to see her everyday because of that parking spot.

Me: Exactly. You have to realize that you don't owe her anything. You've been providing for her for 7 years and now she's trying to convince you you owe her stuff. You're not responsible for her financial state. She has a well-paying job. She needs to stop paying her entire paycheck to finish her student loans, not let you provide for her after the breakup so she can continue doing so.

John: Yeah... yeah you're right.

Me: I know it sucks thinking about your (ex) girlfriend like that... but you gotta see it for what it is. She sees you as her provider and the moment you told her you wanted to break things off, she's out to get as much as she can from you. She's not showing you any empathy whatsoever, so why should you?

John: Yeah, but I'm not like that.

Me: I know you aren't but trust me... you won't see her anymore after a month or so. Her parents and her are going to be out of your life soon. In a year time you're gonna be thankful that you were honest to yourself and didn't let her fuck you over. If that means being the 'bad guy' in her eyes... so be it. It's not like she's thinking about your wellbeing at the moment.

John: Fuck. where did the 'unconditional love go?'

Me: yeah that's a lie man. Reality is not like that at all. Tell me honestly... if you lost your job. Do you think she would stay with you?

John: ....no

Me: There you go. Her love is conditional and based on your ability to provide for her and her future family. Men don't care if their LTRs are elementary school teachers or professors. Girls don't work that way

John: Yeah but I still need to be intellectually challenged.

Me: I know... but you can be intellectually challenged by a girl in a low-paying job. Do you think a woman thinks it's enough if a construction working dude can intellectually challenge her?

John: hmm no. How do you know all this stuff dude?

Me: I've been fucked over once or twice. Gotta learn from that shit. A lot of guys are... most of what I told you has been told and told for a while now. If you wanna learn some more on how you can prevent this shit happening again... here's the link (TPR introduction)

John: Alright man thanks for the advice. Really appreciate it. I'll read it.

Me: No problem.

(note: I tried not to force stuff down his throat but mostly acknowledge his story and try to give reasonable explanations. Found it particularly hard to not talk bad about Sally so I might've slipped once or twice but he took it well fortunately. Also I tried to ask the right questions to make him think about it, instead of providing the answers myself. I'm not gonna treat him like a kid because he's BP. He's realizing on his own and I'm just trying to ask the right questions so he keeps thinking.)

And that is how my totally beta friend, after 7 years of complete BP mentality, woke up. Hes not plugged out yet but I think he's going to. I'm gonna meet him this week to talk about stuff and see how he progresses. I have a feeling TRP is gonna resonate well with him. He's a really kindhearted guy and he told me 'I need to find a girl that isn't like that'. I had to burst his bubble by telling him that all women are like that. Some are better at it then others but still. The only thing you can do is become a better man to prevent being manipulated again. And that starts with recognizing it, and knowing how to handle it. He's convinced he can't change from being a good guy into what I told him he should be to prevent this stuff but he's definitely open to RP theory and improving himself. I'll probably give some field reports in the next couple of months if you guys want it. If he can do it (by himself mostly), I think there's hope for a lot of guys.

One question for the veterans here: I don't want to force him into things he's not comfortable with but I know he values my advice a lot and that he's looking for answers and improvement. I told him to read the sidebar and take what he wants from it. Any tips on how to handle this in a good way?

tl;dr Beta best friend got cleaned out for 7 years, woke up by himself and wanted to break up. ex-gf tries to clean him out more. He woke up even more.