Comfort Test resposne

matrixtospartanatLV · 2019-08-05T18:48:20+00:00

Posts like yours, myopic in nature, always make me wonder. I read what you write, and wonder what you didn’t say.

You didn’t say A LOT.

But you didn’t whine so I won’t harass you. Plus, you’re a veteran so...professional courtesy.

Considering your circumstances, I see your post as more of a cry for help than asking a nearly rhetorical question.

Specifically, since your last blow up two months ago, you have been going through a prolonged period of hysterical bonding. It usually lasts 2-3 weeks, but in a few cases can last 2-3 months.

Her comment was a comfort test that you largely failed.

Your failure was not because of the words you used specifically, but because the context from which they came. Specifically, you.

Remember, men are stronger than women and up until the last century, largely ruled over them to the point that for millennia, women were no more than property.

As a result, communication is their battlefield. They are masters of it, on most levels, and will absolutely dominate and crush you on the battlefield of emotional communications.

It takes a lot for a man to navigate those battles. We have learned the path to victory on that field of battle is to simply stand firm, do not engage, and watch with amused mastery while our opponent runs around in circles, hurling threats and epithets at us. The same holds true for our self-discipline when they change tactics and try to goad and cajole us into engaging with them.

Context...your marriage is rocky and you BOTH have a LOT to lose. Based on your homestead, rolling stock (vehicles), relative incomes, and both of your personal issues, there will be no clear winner in your divorce.

The problem here is not her reaction to your comment about her comfort test.

The real problem is that your words are not congruent with your behavior.

This lack of congruence, in light of the current circumstances, creates a bastardized form of dread because it gets her hamster spinning that wheel fast enough to power a small town. Instead of, “He might cheat on me”, its “He might leave me.”

She KNOWS you will fare far better in the divorce because you have no retirement, your disability is protected, and as a government payment to you, likely exempt from the calculation for asset/debt division.

As many times as you have talked/shouted divorce at her, don’t think SHE hasn’t talked to an attorney.

A woman’s primary need is for safety and security. They use their primary agency to secure it. She’s fucking your brains out, telling you what you want to hear, because she knows she won’t have anything close to what she has now after a divorce, or she would have already divorced you.

All of this because of your incongruence.

Your incongruence is because you don’t fully KNOW what you want.

You don’t KNOW what you want because your frame is so weak it is directly affected/influenced by a comment from her.

You have weak frame because you’ve been so busy dealing with the fires in your life, you forgot you’re not a fireman.

You are a disabled airman who now works in IT, and you’re a married man with the usual amount of problems in life and marriage.

The bandaid solution you seek here is not going to help you. And quite frankly, we’re running out of bandaids.

You don’t NEED MRP, but it would benefit you in every area of your life if you engaged in the process.

At the very least, you would never have to ask a question like this again because you would already know the answer.

I know my response is 10x more than what you posted, but I’m having a slow day and quite frankly, helping men like you IS my mission.

Remember the four pillars?

Pillars hold things up.

Each of your four pillars may be strong, but your shit sitting on them is crooked because they aren’t all the same height.

There are real solutions to your real problems.

All you have to do is start asking real questions.

BobbyPeru · 2019-08-05T16:45:46+00:00

Tell us what you said and exactly how she responded

We can’t help you solve an equation with vital missing information

HornsOfApathy · 2019-08-05T16:01:32+00:00

She says she still does not know if I will walkout tomorrow or not.

STFU.

Or: "You're right babe, I don't know either. But your ass sure has me wanting to stay. Now get over here."

RPeed · 2019-08-05T15:31:07+00:00

The big spoon is silent.

Taipanshimshon · 2019-08-05T16:02:43+00:00

Tighter squeeze.

Maybe give her another orgasm

ReddJive · 2019-08-05T16:21:31+00:00

The fact you didn’t tell us what you said gives me pause, but fuck it. I am going to assume you JackTen’d that shit.

Do you really intend to leave? If not then why are you worried about what she feels?

How and what she feels isn’t your responsibility. You are responsible for what you say not for what she understands.

Title	Comfort Test resposne
Author	anakun
Upvotes	2
Comments	22
Date	August 5, 2019 3:28 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cmcebu/comfort_test_resposne/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/comfort-test-resposne.250183 https://theredarchive.com/post/250183

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