This is just a rant and am venting some frustration as i just realised i was raised to be a beta by my mother. I just recently turned 24.

After swallowing the red pill and currently going through the book 'No more Mr nice guy' almost everything from my sexual encounters, failures, misjudgements and success makes perfect sense to me. I wondered why i became such a beta/nice guy. I believe that my mother raised me to be one.

My mother was pretty strict she would be intimidating, she would hit me if did something wrong or misbehaved, this wasn't a simple slap here and there, it was the type of beating that you were not to defend yourself from, you had and take it head on anticipating each hit or slap that was to come. She was frightening i always had to be on her good side if i wanted do something like go over to see a friend. I always had to work up the courage to even ask her. i feared getting on the wrong side of her.

My father didn’t live with us but he would visit every so often not that i miss him or bonded with him very well but i never had an older male model to show me how to have a spine, stand up for myself and be confident. This made me always avoid confrontations, and have many of the characteristics of a nice guy. i never saw him once confront my mum, I never saw anyone confront my mum. She was never challenged.

Having an absent father figure meant that i always had to be on my mother’s good side, this involved doing chores to leave the house to see friends. I couldn't have 'fun' without everything being in order and her being in a pleasant mood.

With the fear of my mother and the power she had over me i never really had a voice, i never really had a will to be dominant or leading. i was too caring, and comforting to other people. i was the nice guy. The rules she set on me and the fear i had if i crossed them made me worry. I never wanted to get in trouble.

Fast forward to swallowing the pill i now understand why i somehow became friends with girls that were known to be 'easy' that i wanted to get with, how they probably viewed me. And also why the easy girls i do get with want to stay with me and make a relationship, i was the caring nice guy who gave them attention and comfort. Every experience I’ve had with a girl, what I did right and wrong is all clear after swallowing the red pill.