CMV: Men stay abusive relationships because of a scarcity mentality, while for women it's because they're attracted to the abuser.

whichbladeN · 2018-10-03T05:26:09+00:00

From what I understand women stay in abusive relationships because of

Fear of what might happen if they leave the relationship
Being raised to think abuse is normal
Low self esteem and thinking they can't get anyone better than their abuser
Lack of resources to leave
Thinking they can 'fix' their troubled man

Tedesche · 2018-10-03T05:58:59+00:00

From my experiences treating both male and female DV victims, the #1 reason people of any gender stay with abusers by far is that they genuinely love the person, despite the abuse.

I don’t think people who haven’t been abused have an easy time empathizing with this phenomenon. It’s hard to fathom how a person could still love someone who is so mean and cruel to them. But...that’s sort of the nature of love; there’s a self-sacrificial element to it that sometimes unfortunately results in a kind of quasi-masochism that keeps people coming back. Usually, that’s because the abuser isn’t always abusive, and actually varies between being abusive and doting. And usually, it’s not a manipulative act on the part of the abuser—the love from the abuser as well is often genuine.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that most of the time, the abuse is bi-directional, meaning there is no clear victim and abuser.

Human beings be fucked up, y’all.

Eartherry · 2018-10-03T08:10:17+00:00

Abusers put great effort into making sure their victims can't get away. They isolate them. They're kind to outsiders so victims won't be believed if they ask for help. They interfere with anything with the potential to make oneself independent.

Both men and women are attracted to abusers, likely due to having caregivers that were abusive in the same way. It's familiar, like how soldiers suffering with PTSD will want to go back into battle. They don't feel comfortable anywhere else.

LSTW1234 · 2018-10-03T06:00:33+00:00

You don’t think men in abusive relationships are attracted to the abuser?

pepe_the_third · 2018-10-03T05:27:27+00:00

Feynman IQ

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LeJacquelope · 2018-10-03T07:03:56+00:00

What about women who stay with abusive lesbian partners?

Title	CMV: Men stay abusive relationships because of a scarcity mentality, while for women it's because they're attracted to the abuser.
Author	Betanorman
Upvotes	9
Comments	26
Date	October 3, 2018 5:18 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9kya9j/cmv_men_stay_abusive_relationships_because_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-men-stay-abusive-relationships-because-of-a.260277 https://theredarchive.com/post/260277

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