My bf is with me just because I was the only available option. It's killing me inside

philo_therapist · 2020-09-25T12:10:44+00:00

If you like someone like this, then it suggests to me you might not be thinking enough about your own needs.

2020-09-25T11:55:46+00:00

[deleted]

LovingGodLovingSex · 2020-09-25T12:07:27+00:00

Are you hoping that his 'type' will change? You can't change yourself yourself into an entirely different body type.

What are your hopes for this relationship? A man who loves you and respects you won't be treating you like his Plan B for when he can't get the real woman he wants. Do you think he'll stay with you when his attractive friend hints that she's interested in a relationship? You're betting your immediate future on somebody who it seems you can't trust.

Your priority should be a boyfriend who shares your values, who you can build a life with. When you choose to stay with a man who you know is temporary, who you can't trust in the long term, you're showing him how little you think you're worth and you're losing out on an opportunity to improve yourself and be ready for a possible partner with actual potential.

2020-09-25T12:59:49+00:00

[deleted]

jonmarli · 2020-09-25T13:15:28+00:00

My husband and I were just listening to the song Jolene this morning, and my husband said "man, that guy is such a shithead, why is she so worried about Jolene?" That guy only talked about Jolene in his sleep.

If your your boyfriend is explicitly into your best friend keeps telling you that you're inferior, my husband (and I) would say that your boyfriend is a shithead.

Work on cultivating self-respect.

Annekke · 2020-09-25T11:58:37+00:00

I feel like it’s dangerous to tell you that maybe you should make some changes but maybe you should. You say you don’t feel like hitting the gym but exercising, being healthy and looking after you physique can be very beneficial, not just for your relationship but for your life in general.

If you not being his type is effecting your relationship, he isn’t interested in you physically, then you shouldn’t continue the relationship but if it’s just insecurities on your end then you should seek some therapy/relationship counselling.

maplemuppet · 2020-09-25T12:28:18+00:00

I was in a similar situation recently. My ex used to make small comments here or there about my appearance or features. I also could see the way he looked at other girls and it really hurt. I talked with him about his comments but he would be very dismissive or say he was just joking. Nevertheless, in my opinion thats not the way to treat a partner in a loving relationship. I found myself being more needy because of these little comments and the resulting insecurity. A man and woman should want to make each other feel good about themselves. Some men have a hard time expressing their appreciation verbally and thats ok, but when there's an active expression of negativity about features you were born with/can't control, that's going to be a hard pass the next time around.

2020-09-25T12:41:23+00:00

[deleted]

sk8lolrokon · 2020-09-25T14:15:59+00:00

This is so hard to read. Are you maybe just scared of the breakup and of how he might react? Because there's no way you can like someone that makes you feel second best!

5689g00 · 2020-09-25T13:21:36+00:00

I was with a guy that liked blondes. I am a Burnett. I’d never ever be a blonde. I jokingly told him I was going to dye my hair blonde just to see his reaction. He physically moved when I said it. I had to move on. His next girl friend was a blonde and every girl after that. It’s just ingrained in them. It’s one thing I’ve learned about men. If they want something and have someone different it just doesn’t work. To never be satisfied!!! Even if you were the perfect girl. He will want what he cannot have. You can’t be someone you are not. Just like I can’t be a blonde.

Mrswizardwizard · 2020-09-25T13:28:19+00:00

Is there an actual problem with the way he's treating you or are you the insecure one? Has he told you about his type or are you assuming? Honestly this post comes off like you're super insecure, and if you bring this up to him it's going to be offensive because you seem to think he's desperate for female attention.

Did he specifically tell you that you were his last option or treat you in some way that is awful? Were the gym/hair comments small suggestions in passing or is he being a huge asshole about it? Does he compliment you? How is your sex life?

sallyrosenberger · 2020-09-25T12:23:53+00:00

can you imagine spending the rest of your life with him? if you close your eyes and picture yourself at 80 where you are now, with the same man you're with now -- how does it make you feel?) it sounds like this may be a relationship of convenience from both ends: you've described how it is from his, but it also seems like *you* could be happier if you left and found someone else. you're still young; it sounds (based on your comments in the thread) like other guys are interested. it would be far from impossible to find a better relationship - one that makes you thrive. he's making you miserable, and he's just going to erode your self-esteem over time. it seems like you know what you want/need to do. the hard part is just doing it.

good luck sis!!! <3

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2020-09-25T16:08:45+00:00

A lot of bad here.

If you love him, why aren’t you willing to change some things for him?

If he makes you feel badly about yourself why do you love him?

Why does he outwardly express his dissatisfaction with your physical appearance?

How did the topic of you being a last resort even come up!

If you truly love someone you should be willing to try to change certain things to make them happy. Going to the gym is a good thing, and if it would help his attraction for you it wouldn’t be bad to consider it.... but do you truly love him? If you do I’d go to the gym more. If you don’t i’d leave this relationship ASAP.

This relationship is going to take a lot of work to build/mend, so unless you really love him I wouldn’t say it’s worth it.

TranslatedSky · 2020-09-25T12:52:55+00:00

It depends on if this is truly your insecurity or if he doesn’t respect you. You can tell the latter if he openly likes, ogles or brags about other girls in front of you. It’s even worse when he can’t “get” them because he’s unattractive/has unrealistic expectations. Some guys pine forever. In my history when guys bring up stories of other girls in a bragging sense for no related reason, it’s usually foreshadowing.

It’s true you should work out and be the best you can in terms of appearance, but he should be someone who inspires you to, not someone who makes yourself feel like crap about yourself.

But all of this aside, there’s really not much sense investing into someone whom you think might run/cheat at the first opportunity.

fatty899 · 2020-09-25T13:47:21+00:00

Do you have more options? You are acting as if you are the one without options and stuck with him..

NotaNPC · 2020-09-25T13:59:07+00:00

It seems very important that above all else you should work on your insecurities. It's damaging your relationship all around. So many boyfriends had past lovers that don't look like us, it doesn't mean they aren't attached to you. Is your sex life in danger? You say you think he's thinking of other women while having sex with you but it also seems like you're guessing, I doubt many guys care to do that, they would just never have sex with you in the first place. He's telling you I love you every day and YOU are the one who doesn't believe him? What about the relationship are you having trouble with besides thing that you ASSUME he's thinking?

ComplexProjection · 2020-09-25T14:04:21+00:00

Might worth thinking about it: can your feeling of not being enough come partly or entirely from you not having self confidence ?

CalmWalk · 2020-09-25T13:09:50+00:00

Have a very blunt conversation about it all. Watch how he reacts. If he acts defensively. Loud out of the norm. He's lying. Leave him. You do not deserve to be second best.

Right now I'm single. I don't want to be single. I don't have to be. There is a woman that really likes me. Would do anything for me. Brings me food. I have a very high sex drive. She has offered to "satisfy all my needs". And did for awhile.

BUT, I can't get over a physical aspect. I have a thing for larger breasts. I don't know what it is. I don't know why. But you could maybe call it a "fetish". Not huge. But largish. At this point I'd date her if she even had a "B cup". Because I genuinely like her. But she has zero breasts. None. She is extremely skinny. No breasts at all. Not even A cup. You might think this is a vain reason not to be with someone. What sucks is everything else about her is good.

Long story short I've "friend zoned" her to save her feelings. I don't want her to feel like you do. But I will always be wanting to "play" with large breasts. Even some! Maybe this makes me a jerk. So why put her through this? It is mean to do. And he shouldn't be doing it to you.

You have to stop this now. Don't waste your life. I wasted 10 years of my life with the wrong woman. Don't waste your life. I'm 35. Out goes by quickly. It really does.

Title	My bf is with me just because I was the only available option. It's killing me inside
Author	Nadiyyah
Upvotes	19
Comments	34
Date	September 25, 2020 11:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/izhxxx/my_bf_is_with_me_just_because_i_was_the_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-bf-is-with-me-just-because-i-was-the-only.263975 https://theredarchive.com/post/263975

Comments