Married people: what is something none of the pills seem to grasp about marriage?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-08-28T15:11:32+00:00

that the bad or difficult moments of marriage are easy to talk about and the good moments are impossible to describe to others

that every marriage is a black box to people outside of it, no matter what you are hearing you will never have a full picture of whats going on there

that you stay married by STAYING married, aka, by both committing yourselves not to bail when life gets hard

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-08-28T15:27:43+00:00

What "marriage is work" means. That you will spiral into any pattern deeper and deeper. The work is avoiding the start of any negative spiral; that is hard. It's so easy to blame your circumstantial frustrations on the person right next to you. RP focuses too much on attraction, BP too much on compatibility.

KrispyMcSockington · 2016-08-28T15:42:57+00:00

That it is not easy to lump what happens into either a RP or a BP box. You have to work at it because life can pass you by. Before you know it, a week of working hard can mean a week of barely any talking or communication. This is not for lack of care, it just happens becausr of work so you have to plan things and be more methodical. The pills don't quite get that because they seem to represent either that you're in love and things just work out because of how much you love each other (blue) or you have to be on your guard 24/7 so you don't get screwed over (red). Not everything is all romantic and happily ever after. You can't always be a brutal analyst and you are not always capable of getting things right.

Think of it as a series of mistakes you both make that you learn to forgive each other for, combined with dogged determination, hard work and the reward of support, love and general care for all the effort. A marriage doesn't magically work because of attraction or knowing when to smirk and say something witty. You do have to put thought and care into what you do, such as how what you say or do will affect your partner's happiness. It isn't always easy so you have to choose, every second of every day to be there.

haikufun · 2016-08-28T17:44:55+00:00

That when you first move-in together, there will be lots of fights. It is normal. Whenever I've talked about relationships with people who haven't done relationships, they seem naive about the idea that fighting has a purpose and shouldn't be avoided. Resolve the fights like adults, and agree on a solution after some debate.

MarriedLifter · 2016-08-28T15:17:04+00:00

DISCLAIMER: It's hard to answer this, since "blue pill" isn't one, single coherent philosophy. It's really a catch-all group of people who think the Red Pill is wrong or ridiculous, or who've never heard of the Red Pill. Or of people who think the Red Pill is a mix of good advice (work on being attractive, have good boundaries), bad advice (treat women like teenagers, AWALT), and posturing like a cartoon villain. So any piece of non-RP marriage advice in the world could potentially be classified as BP, which means that BP advice is both inclusive and mutually inconsistent. So I'll offer some advice which isn't RP, and which isn't emphasized nearly as often as it should be in non-RP forums. Close enough?

With that disclaimer aside, here goes:

Do a really damn good job of vetting.

Choose a significant other who's sane¹ , kind, self-reliant, good at adulting, sexually compatible, sexually into you, and who comes with as little in-law drama as humanly possible (either because their family is lovely, or because they've gone no-contact with the ones who generate drama). Optimize your filters and your vetting to avoid AWALT people or the masculine equivalents (man children, abusers, douche canoes, etc).

I once LTRed somebody who was hot, smart, fun, younger than me, and who had all sorts of issues. When I think back on it, I'm so happy to have walked away from that relationship. Best decision ever.

A marriage is a long-term investment. Don't just choose whoever is hanging around at the right time. If you want a LTR, do everything in your power to set up your filters so that people with issues steer clear of you.

¹ It's maybe OK to marry somebody who isn't sane, but who manages their mental illnesses extremely well and who's exceptionally good at adulting. But it's probably still hard mode.

[deleted] · 2016-08-29T00:24:40+00:00

The extent to which factors outside sex and evopsych (i.e. real life) affect a marriage. Addiction, mental illness, general health problems, tragedy (such as death of a child), etc. When these issues come into play it totally changes everything and all the other stuff goes out the window. Take the example of a the death of a child. A lot of marriages won't survive it, especially if one or both spouses carries heavy guilt. There's nothing in RP or BP that's going to help you with that.

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betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-08-29T02:32:36+00:00

That men should physically discipline their wives.

Title	Married people: what is something none of the pills seem to grasp about marriage?
Author	Lite-brite
Upvotes	3
Comments	20
Date	August 28, 2016 2:12 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4zzj0w/married_people_what_is_something_none_of_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/married-people-what-is-something-none-of-the-pills.273371 https://theredarchive.com/post/273371

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