How much of your casual sex was looking for commitment?

ozymandias271 · 2016-03-31T18:21:56+00:00

Answering for myself, I'd say about 10% asked for a relationship and they rejected me and 90% not wanting to date the guy but not having to reject him.

[deleted] · 2016-03-31T19:06:37+00:00

I've never had casual sex outside of a relationship, and don't think I could. I admire the hell out of women who can do this - it seems like acrobatics without the net to me.

Sex where one party wants a relationship and the other doesn't just seems really, really, heartbreaking to me, but I think that's really not how a lot of people see it anymore. It's just really casual, like finding a workout partner. No shame, no problem.

DrunkGirl69 · 2016-04-01T00:17:08+00:00

I was pretty set on staying single and having fun. Relationships didn't look fun to me from the outside so I avoided them.

ozymandias271 · 2016-03-31T18:45:22+00:00

I'd say most of the sex I've had was an attempt at cultivating a monogamous relationship. I've only been with three dudes who I didn't desire romantically, the seven others I desperately wanted to boyfriend up. I've had the the pump and dump blues several times. Most of them avoided the "what are we?" talk for as long as possible and then ghosted. Sadly it seems sex has to be used like a carrot on a stick these days :/ These ~~hoes~~ bros ain't loyal.

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[deleted] · 2016-03-31T19:53:39+00:00

Maybe the first few months of it I guess.

I was 14, so was he, we were best friends, he's cute, we get along well. We tried to date each other for about 11 months with it slowly devolving into separate sex and friendship. Then we stopped going on dates altogether and just kept up the sex and friendship until he met a girl then restarted until I met a guy etc. Now we're both single we're FWB again and it's great because we don't spend much time together when we're dating people, because not wanting your gf/bf to spend much time (and no time alone together) with someone they've spent years having sex with is a very understandable boundary. We're not best friends anymore but we're still close. On the plus side he's very attractive to me now even if there is some disagreement.

[deleted] · 2016-03-31T20:10:39+00:00

Wish you could date the guy, but not ask him out or otherwise go for a more committed relationship?

in prior experiences, it was a wishy-washy scenario with someone who wouldn't confirm anything (i suppose my role was the unwilling FWB wanting more, to briefly describe it), and i was still young and hopeful enough to consider this acceptable. i didn't expect anything in return by sleeping with them; i did that just because i wanted to, not as a means to lock them down. by that point, i had at least already learned that under no circumstances did intimacy guarantee me anything. but, i did also want to be in a committed relationship with that person at the same time. i did hope that spending more time together in general would bring us closer.

but, it didn't, and i moved on.

[deleted] · 2016-03-31T21:17:04+00:00

I never had casual sex, so zero %

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-03-31T22:06:05+00:00

Almost all of of it was in pursuit of a bf not an ons

winndixie · 2016-04-01T05:13:56+00:00

Looking for commitment in casual sex is like looking for food in the toilet.

Katniss_Granger · 2016-04-01T19:00:46+00:00

I've only had one casual sexual partner and he was the one wanting a relationship whereas I just wanted it to stay casual. I've never had sex early on with someone I wanted a relationship from. It's never been a matter of leverage and obtaining commitment, just a lack of desire for casual sex apart from that one person who was very attractive and good company but just not romanticallying appealing

artichokess · 2016-04-02T07:16:18+00:00

Ask for a relationship and get rejected?

one person

Wish you could date the guy, but not ask him out or otherwise go for a more committed relationship?

i don't understand this question

Have life circumstances that made a committed relationship difficult (ninety-hour-a-week job, moving in a month, etc.), and if those weren't the case you might have wanted to date him?

one person - lived in another country

Not want to date the guy, but not have to reject him?

a few. once i found out they had feelings, we stopped.

Reject the guy when he asked for a relationship?

seems like the same as above. this happened a few times with FWBs.

[deleted] · 2016-04-01T16:19:27+00:00

Trial and error I guess. You learn the sweet spot of withholding so the dude wants to stay with you. Give it away too soon and they won't. Wait too long and they become angry. They are such fickle creatures! But all were in pursuit of a LTr.

Title	How much of your casual sex was looking for commitment?
Author	ozymandias271
Upvotes	1
Comments	42
Date	March 31, 2016 6:17 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4cranc/how_much_of_your_casual_sex_was_looking_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-of-your-casual-sex-was-looking-for.275357 https://theredarchive.com/post/275357

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