What is 'Dread Game'?

exit_sandman · 2015-02-09T23:55:27+00:00

Here's what I wrote elsewhere about it. Though it's actually mostly quotes, special thanks to Rollo Tomassi (1, 2, 3).

The problem here is also one of semantics - "dread" sounds more catchy, but that way it's prone to be equated with terror, threats and blackmail, especially in here (though admittedly inside the redpill community it's also predominantly used as such).

To illustrate the fundamental function of dread, let's simply put it on its head: The absence of "dread" is "taking your SO for granted". And this is to be taken literally - it doesn't just mean "relying on your SO" or "trusting your SO" (which are positive things and in an ideal relationship should both be a given and justified). Someone who takes his partner for granted, who can't imagine him/her actually leaving or just asserting him/herself, who stops appreciating the efforts the partner makes (because they're perceived to be a given), who doesn't appreciate the fact that his or her efforts are enabling one to live life as it is (and can concentrate on the instances where the partner is inconveniencing him instead) - that is a person who doesn't feel dread. It may work out, but usually it only fosters complacency and, in the long run, resentment because the lack of appreciation prevents one from seeing the positive things (and believe me, I've seen it turn out exactly like that all too often to think it's just a coincidence or just extraordinarily shitty people who treat their partners like that).

Dread in that regard is simply the realization that your partner not being present is a real possibility and that your life would be worse without him or her (whether that feeling is justified or not); but it can also work in a different function; and it certainly doesn't necessarily entail the nuclear option of the "do that or else"-approach, but can also work at levels that are lower - a lot lower. Here are some of the more refined nuances of dread one of the patron saints of the manosphere wrote about (emphasis mine):

Although I’ve suggested casually returning flirtations with other women as a means to amplifying desire and illustrating social proof, this is hardly the only, or best, means of fostering competition anxiety. Overt flirtations are a blunt means of stoking this anxiety, but often all it takes is a nuanced shift in a predictable routine to trigger that imagination. The idea isn’t to instill terror from fear of loss, but rather to demonstrate higher value; particularly when a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other sources.

Sometimes all that’s necessary to provoke that imagination is to get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work, change your routine, adopt a Game mentality, hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny with her – risk to offend her sensibilities. [...]

In light of this ambient fear of loss women seek to avoid, one might be tempted to use a more sympathetic approach in order to allay a woman’s fears. This is hardly worth mentioning here since this is generally the tact that most men intuitively use in their LTRs anyway – a constant reassurance of love and devotion. Guy’s like my friend Jim will follow a perpetual strategy of appeasement in spite of themselves.

Lets be clear, the vast majority of women are secure enough not to allow this condition to get the better of them, and it’s in the extreme cases I’ve used above that real neuroticism flourishes. Contrary to popular belief I’m not an advocate of the Dark Triad methodologies of Game. Not because I think they’re ineffective, but rather because, with the right art of Game they’re not even needed. Only in extreme cases are the dark arts to be employed, and if a situation necessitates their use it’s important for a guy to understand that a line has been crossed with a woman who necessitated their use.

So yes, you should be seeking to reassure an LTR of your love and devotion, but know that due to women’s intrinsic fear of security loss, you will never achieve an ideal state of contentment of it, and certainly not by relying solely on comfort and familiarity. She want’s you to rock the boat, it’s what makes her feel alive.

And:

[...] returning casual flirtations is actually a compliment to the woman a Man is with. It satisfies that internal, hypergamous doubt as to whether the guy a woman committed herself to years ago is still the Man other men want to be and other women want to fuck.

[...]

An LTR based on dread, a threat, or an implied ultimatum isn’t one based on genuine desire, and you know enough about my philosophy to understand how important real desire is to me. I think of it more as an ambient understanding that a Man is still desired by other women and this manifests in flirtatious behavior. Obviously if a guy is overtly seeking out opportunities to flaunt his flirtations with his LTR, that’d be indicative of him having other issues to resolve for himself. Guy’s thoroughly underestimate women’s sensitivity to nuance and subcommunication; it doesn’t take much to trigger her imaginings, but most guys think they need to beat her over the head with what he wants her to get; and that of course defeats his purpose – he’s too obvious.

And an example:

Mrs. Tomassi and I were recently talking with a woman of about 49. She’s the ever-present front desk host at our gym and a casual acquaintance and friend. She’s not particularly unattractive for her age, reasonably good shape from a body perspective – I can tell she used to enjoy a lot of male attention in her 20s and maybe 30′s – but now just this side of 50 she’s moved not so much into a regret stage, but rather a hopeful sense of well post-Wall self-remorse. That might sound odd, but she’s at least optimistic about her ‘chances’ of getting with a “good man” in the near future.

She’s quite upfront and honest about the Alpha Bad Boy Jerks she’s dated, married one and then divorced from her past. In fact she’s one of the more lucid women I’ve encountered about her present state and how she came to it. Although she’s the typical result of a hypergamous life prolonged past the “eating her cake too” phase, she owns her mistakes.

Although we generally hit Gold’s at different times, occasionally the wife and I go together in the mornings. It was on one of these mornings, and our friend at the counter stopped us to say,

“I love you guys, I really do. I see a lot of people pass through here but when I see you both together it gives me hope that I can have a good relationship like you two. You’re such a team, I really hope I can meet a guy I can connect with like that.”

We were on our way out, and she always has something else to say about her personal life so, while I guess I was somewhat flattered, I didn’t pay it much mind. That is until our ride back home when Mrs. Tomassi looked me square in the face and said, “I am so glad I didn’t end up like that!” I was actually kind of surprised at the tone of her voice. “Thank God that’s not me, how horrible to be in that position at her age.” I nodded my head because I knew she was expecting my usually analyzations of post-Wall women and the beds they make. Then, with a hint of a tear in her eye, she gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever heard from her, “I hope Bebé finds and marries a Man just like you.”

That made me feel really good, and what I’m about to type here sound really shitty. After not a small swell of pride, I thought, while it’s nice to be appreciated in this respect, would this realization have come without the influence of our friend and her state of life?

You see, what I experienced that morning was a sort of de fact association of social proof. Granted, I’m not taking anything away from the love and solidity upon which my marriage and our relationship is founded on, but was I just the right guy in the right place for this realization to come to awareness? What I had just participated in was a form of soft dread. A dread that needs no emphasis or prompting from a Man, simply the occasion for it to come to the surface to be actualized.

ms_kittyfantastico · 2015-02-09T23:25:33+00:00

/r/AskTRP

Katniss_Granger · 2015-02-10T10:25:20+00:00

As I see it, it's a reminder that you are not the only person in the world for your partner, if you start being a shithead they can and will go elsewhere and get what they need from someone else. I don't think it's as bad as people make out, I'm always very much aware that if I'm not up to scratch my SO could leave me and find someone better, he never says it himself or threatens it but it's still a very real possibility that makes me always be the best I can be.

I don't know why people are so against it, if you're a bad girlfriend/boyfriend why do you deserve the others exclusive commitment? if you want it, deserve it.

some_pill · 2015-02-10T00:23:29+00:00

Dread game is someone looking at the signs of emotional abuse and deciding to use that as a template for their relationship

gregariousnefarious · 2015-02-10T21:10:15+00:00

Making sure your partner feels inadequate and scared that you will leave. In the case that it "works" and they're frightened, congrats you just ruined your partner's day/week/month whatever. In the case that they don't actually care, you've just demonstrated why they shouldn't. If they're on the fence...well now they know where your loyalties really are...prepare to be dumped.

GTheOtter · 2015-02-09T23:34:46+00:00

Those last two are enough; this thread can die now.

SeeShellsSeaSells · 2015-02-10T00:40:12+00:00

A proven way to make your lady feel pity and disrespect towards you.

PostNationalism · 2015-02-09T23:31:58+00:00

Emotionally abusing your partner until they leave you

relationshipdownvote · 2015-02-09T23:31:41+00:00

Half of couples that break up reconcile at some point. Dread game exploits that as a "soft-breakup" give your relationship the strength and drive to repair the problems in the relationships.

chasingstatues · 2015-02-10T04:29:51+00:00

This, apparently.

adrixshadow · 2015-02-10T10:58:34+00:00

"Feelz"

wombatinaburrow · 2015-02-10T11:42:54+00:00

Making sure the person you're dating knows that you've always got one foot out the door. Depending on the kind of person they are; they'll leave you first or eggshell around you. It's fun if you're an amoral, self serving hedonist with delusions of superiority (the aim of trp), but a long term recipe for loneliness.

Title	What is 'Dread Game'?
Author	GTheOtter
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	February 9, 2015 11:23 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2vct1w/what_is_dread_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-dread-game.283551 https://theredarchive.com/post/283551

Comments