"Why are you so afraid of marriage?"

One of my plates recently asked me a very interesting question, "Why are you so afraid of marriage?"

I live in a non-western location where divorce rape laws do not exist and feminism has not yet penetrated. So when this question is asked, it's not an attempt at shaming, it's sincere. This girl, whom I've known for a while now, could not understand why I was so opposed to the idea of marriage.

This is what I told her.

Divorce Rape

She does not know about divorce rape laws as they exist in the US. If I marry an American girl, statistically, she can take anything at any moment - after all, half of marriages end in divorce and almost 80% of those are initiated by the wife. But worst of all this creates an imbalance in the relationship.

Men and women both should have to try to keep to a certain level of decency and satisfy their partner. In a traditional relationship, if the man was unhappy he might leave. But in the current arrangement, he doesn't have this option. If he is married he is financially bound to her. He does not have the option to leave, without being raped financially.

This means that in a married relationship, the man has very very little power. He becomes weak. If the woman wants to leave, there's very little consequences for her to doing so - and thus she does, statistically. According to the nature of this contract the man has no power. And there's nothing women respect less than a weak man.

"What about marrying a girl from a traditional culture?" This only works in theory. But if I do this, I have two options: one, I remain a resident in the foreign country which may or may not have acceptable living conditions, where I may or may not be a citizen and have questionable rights in terms of access to my own children. And we will be forever limited in terms of where we can go because she holds a third world passport which doesn't grant access to anywhere.

Or, alternatively, I bring her to US, give her a nice blue passport, accustom her to our laws, and our traditions. Including our lovely divorce rape laws. In which case we fall into the trap of the first problem.

Female Irrationality

I didn't use the term irrationality in this conversation with my plate. I sugar-coated it. I said that women will often follow their emotions, that their emotions can change suddenly and for little reason, and that while it can be perfectly fine and pleasant to do this in the short term, in the long term if I'm going to share my life with someone, I need to be able to really depend on them. How can I really depend on somebody whose opinions will change based on their mood, for no predictable reason? How can I plan a life with somebody who doesn't plan? How can you think about a future with someone who is thinking, above all else, how they feel today?

I've seen girls break up with guys for the most insane, ridiculous reasons. There was a thread on the top of askreddit recently, about couples. One of the top posts was a woman saying how she had, temporarily, intended to leave her fiance because he had left a towel on the bathroom floor. She was applauded for coming to her senses. But I don't think she did. The fact is, that the thought even entered her mind to begin with, "I think it's reasonable to end my marriage with someone because there was a towel on the floor." How can you plan a future with someone who even has the capacity to think such things, especially when everything you own, your future income, and your ability to ever see your kids again lie in the balance? Sure, we will recognize that it's not about the towel. It's about another underlying problem she has with him. But the fact that she will sublimate hidden thoughts into a towel makes it something you cannot control, cannot plan for. So the question remains: How can you build your own future on such an unstable foundation?

Give and Take

I'm a very ambitious guy. This tends to rub off on the girls i'm close to. Most of the relationships I've ever had, the other girl had a tremendous number of windfalls as a result of becoming closer to me. She learned so much about herself, she learned patience, and discipline, and self awareness, she became more focused in her work, had more dreams for the future, became better at sticking to her goals. She became more confident, she became happier. She started exercising. These were the benefits that she experienced as a result of our relationship.

When I think back on it, what did I really benefit from this LTR? Well... I had somebody to hang out with, and I got to fuck her. Outside of this she didn't really contribute a lot. There weren't things she could teach me about myself. She didn't have interests that I didn't have, she didn't motivate me in ways I didn't already motivate myself. The benefits were almost solely hers. I understand that in a traditional society it was the expectation for a man to raise a family, but in the most pragmatic possible sense, exactly why would I enter into a permanent contract with another person in which the other person benefits tremendously and the benefits to me are negligible compared to other choices I have at my disposal?

Female Entitlement

Men recognize that they must earn their value. Women are given value by default.

We live in a world where we can send a million 17 year old boys to die writhing like animals in a filthy rotting trench with their guts torn out left for maggots to eat their eyes, and we call it a Wednesday. Could you imagine society allowing this scenario, with 17 year old girls? Not in your wildest dreams. Death and pain are only tragedy if they happen to the "women and children."

Women's value is given - men's value is earned.

This means that to be the kind of man to whom women will really want, it will require effort, years of hard work day in and day out investing in yourself.

But the older I get, the larger the gap becomes between me and the girls who I, theoretically, am supposed to be marrying. Sure, youth and beauty is a girl's biggest asset in her SMV. But it's not her ONLY asset. There are alot of other characteristics that a girl could cultivate in herself in order to increase her desirability. Ways that she could become kinder, more interesting, more emotionally or intellectually mature, more practically useful, more physically fit. But how many of them are, really? While my SMV is going up each year, most these girls do virtually nothing to invest in themselves but they feel that they, by default, are so special that I'm supposed to marry them forever. And those that DO invest in themselves, how many of them continue to do so AFTER they are married? The problem isn't their SMV - it's their arrogance. The fact that their strategy is to sit and wait for the perfect man because it's something the world owes her, that there is nothing that she, on her end, must achieve in order to deserve this. Why would I want to commit to someone who looks at the world in this way?

Conclusion

This particular woman is a very RP type of woman, raised in a traditional Russian household of mostly men who work in trades. So if any woman could understand RP, it would be her.

She said, "I thought you just hated women. But now I understand you. You're right. If I were you, I wouldn't want to get married either."

tl;dr if you like it you should put a ring on it