Started spending less and less time with my girlfriend.

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BatsNightmares
October 7, 2019
88 upvotes
askTRP

Nowadays I felt like I needed a break from all this fuzz being around relationships, and to ease my mind off the irrational thoughts that wasted my time I started seeing my girl less frequently, and making more quality time together.. Not only did that help ease my mind but it also opened a window of opportunity to me to focus extra on other things like my work, friends, and recreational activities that I had dropped. I felt like I was drowning for my own reasons and I needed a break, the best way to communicate that is not through words but actions, I said nothing and suddenly found myself alone, that space let me just sink into self awareness. I think I needed that time to start managing some shit again and think through some things.. Plus I noticed I'm more indifferent to her intentions.

Anyone else ever felt like they needed a break like this? I just wanted to pull myself away and just spend time for me, and get my life in order.


Post Information
Title Started spending less and less time with my girlfriend.
Author BatsNightmares
Upvotes 88
Comments 26
Date 07 October 2019 08:51 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/289170
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/degrme/started_spending_less_and_less_time_with_my/
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[–]jonsmif979767 points68 points  (10 children) | Copy

Good job!

Now you are in the phase of having a mission, and you value yourself more.

There's a subtle difference between constantly chanting that girls should not be the priority of your life and subconsciously feeling that there are more important things to do than spending time on girls.

Anyone else ever felt like they needed a break like this? I just wanted to pull myself away and just spend time for me, and get my life in order.

It's not a "break". It's called a healthy lifestyle and maturity, or using the laymen terms, "putting yourself first without being an asshole".

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed27 points28 points  (7 children) | Copy

It's not a "break". It's called a healthy lifestyle and maturity, or using the laymen terms, "putting yourself first without being an asshole".

Nice explanation.

OP, read about Dread if you're in a LTR. Notice how the first 8 out of the 12 steps are just passive, just reminders that you need to retain your masculinity? Notice step 4....

Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you. Your are busy now. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested, annoying, or angry wife. Take up another cause if you need to. This is a great time to join a martial arts club. Read The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves by Ian Ironwood

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Why do these archive links never work for me? Im using chrome on a MBP

[–]Siyuen_Tea-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here's the thing. Dread only works if it's a subjective disinterest. If he spends less time in general instead of punishing/rewarding certain traits and attitudes. She'll just find another person to give her excitement.

The biggest part of dread is like the quote said. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested ,annoying or angry wife.

You should always make me time. I'm not saying he shouldn't. The point I'm making is that this isn't dread.

[–]failingtheturingtest4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You should reread the linked post again.

Dread is NOT a punishment that you whip out when things go wrong. The first steps are simply a reminder of what you should be doing normally, listed in a simple to follow manner.

Dread is like exercise. Exercise can be a remedy when someone has let themself go, to get them back into shape. But it is also what people do refularly to stay in shape.

[–]Siyuen_Tea4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've actually never seen this before. Thank you.

[–]OfficerWade2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it’s called boundaries

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, I agree with this.

[–]DetroitGangster29 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy

I am in the same boat! Recently, have noticed my frame slipping because of the comfort of my LTR. I don't want to keep slipping further so decided to enroll in some extracurricular activities that will help me boost my SMV and limit my availability to my LTR. Win-win situation!

[–]iwviw12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good that you are self-aware

[–]DetroitGangster0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I believe the self-awareness and holding yourself accountable is one of the most difficult things one can do. The biggest hurdle is even recognizing there are issues you may have and the next is being proactive to actually changes those issues.

​

"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" has never been truer in an LTR.

[–]iwviw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you have to implement it. Knowing about it but then doing nothing about it is depression

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anything you can do with guys, besides going to work is the best thing you can do for your women, un-ironically .

[–]RobEAFrost9615 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

My ex and I broke up for this reason as well as others, but yes, living together and spending all time together gets bad quickly, it's only sustainable when you're older and ready to settle down.

You did a smart thing OP

[–]alxjones3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

how long were you dating? when did you start living together? how long did that last?

[–]RobEAFrost960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

2.5 years together, living together for 7 months.

[–]drunkPKMNtrainer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I currently settled down and am living with her. See each other every day and all. I take my breaks when I go visit my family or go camping with my friends every other month. It's been more than a year and well I haven't felt tired from it yet

[–]i-am-the-prize9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

it is a positive thing.

  • she will appreciate you more (ie: you have options and are busy; so when you choose/are able to be with her, it's a treat)
  • you will appreciate her more, as it's not an all the time thing/chore

the converse is also true= a man with no life and no options is not a Prize to her. If you give away your Time and Attention constantly, it's like cheap costume jewelry, handed out like candy. When your time/attention/affection is truly scarce, not because of games or faking it, but because you are a busy and active person, your time is your Gold, and she gets that and appreciates it more.

This assumes you are a high value male. Be a loser and she'll be glad you're out of her hair. Don't be low SMV loser and her attraction will increase and she'll (GASP) be actually happy to see you.

[–]DerpJungler4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read "The way of the superior man".

It goes into great detail about how a man should always prioritize his purpose ahead of his woman and that his woman will love him for it.

Deep down, women WANT to feel assured that you're focused on your purpose, as it gives them the sense of security and that you will always be a provider for her and your seed, which is a good thing in LTRs.

[–]Emit_M4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Funny I’m reading this minutes after I told my Girl friend I need a break ;)

[–]milkywaymaster2261 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, what have your results been so far?

I established the frame you describe from the beginning of my LTR, but sometimes I think about the balance between comfort and being a scarce commodity. Making yourself busy and spending less time can come off as game playing to some broads when they are already used to seeing you frequently.

[–]Buchloe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feel you on that. Hit a point with a plate where it ended up being more of a primary relationship, and we were needing to take a break. However, instead of opening things up and being in less of a relationship, we decided to be more committed in the relationship but to take more time to ourselves instead of being around each other so much. That way we can have that underlying relationship and be there for each other, without so much pressure on anything.

[–]juccal1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you need to be on your own a little, if you were with your girlfriend 24/7 you won't know how you feel without her being there, Perhaps a little time apart will help you realize how you both feel about each other, you better doing it now before it goes any further.

[–]BatsNightmares[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, that's true.

[–]BouncyShroom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was going through something similar too

Around 6 months ago pre-LTR, I was lifting and taking care of my health. I am was in the process of losing weight, and things were going good and I was feeling amazing mentally.

Somehow ended up in a LTR with a girl, who didn't really match my goals. She was large, and smoked a load of weed. I'd kicked those habits ages ago because they only had a detrimental impact to me.

In those 4 months we'd been together, I had stopped exercise. My diet went south because we'd just go out and eat shit. She was fat, so didn't really care for her health. My weekends, which usually consisted of going for long walks/hikes in the morning and working on my hobbies, ended up with me visiting her and doing nothing productive.

This girl was really insecure too, so every time I was out with my friends or at a house party, she'd get annoyed because I think she'd I would cheat on her. She expected me to face-time her after work for a good hour or two at least. I'd never face-timed a girl in my life for more than a few mins, so you could imagine how draining this was both mentally and time wise.

I started to realize near the end that I too was slowly drowning. I'd literally lost my purpose, and being with this girl accomplished nothing for me. The little time I had, I was wasting it. I started spending less time with her, then broke up, I realized that:

A) Work on yourself first, then a LTR. Don't lose yourself if you enter one

B) Spending time with someone frequently get boring quick, especially when it eats in your valuable time where you could be bettering yourself.

[–]ThrowawayYAYAY20020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in the same boat as you, OP.

Less time spent with her = More time spent improving every aspect of my life.

Not a bad trade-off! ;-)



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