Jealous of my boyfriend’s female friend

landysmum19 · 2019-11-05T22:44:16+00:00

It's absolutely worth bringing up again to your boyfriend! It might help him up see where you're coming from if you ask him hypothetically how HE would feel if you had a really great guy friend that you stayed in touch with the way he keeps in contact with his female friend. Based on what you described it sounds like she's his safety net, like if things don't work out between you two he's got a backup. And it sounds like the friend might view your boyfriend that way too which is why they're still in contact, but in a very shady kind of way. I would say it's nothing to worry about if he were more forthcoming about their friendship and would do things like plan a time for the three of you to hang out, get dinner, etc.. but the fact that he's secretive makes it sound like he wants to keep you two separate "just in case". I hope this helps. Communication is huge. If this is bothering you you need to tell him. I hope this helps!

derpoftheweek · 2019-11-06T01:03:13+00:00

Its natural to want to be the one and only brightest dazzling star in your boyfriend's sky. It's practically genetic.

hopefulalbatross · 2019-11-06T00:48:38+00:00

I do side eye the relationship because he initially tried to lie by omission. Either you trust him or you don’t. There’s no sense in worrying otherwise because it’s not like you can off the girl. If you try to limit his access to her, he might want to talk to her more.

Idk, i’ve never asked a man to limit his contact to women but i know plenty women who have and men who abide by that rule. Especially, if it’s someone he used to hook up with. Seems like he’s trying to leave a door open.

Pola_Lita · 2019-11-06T05:56:34+00:00

I have some very close male friends but my husband has known about them from day one. But I don't get the sense that bf is comfortable with you knowing about this relationship with her. That's not a good sign. Better to deal with it now than after you've invested several more years with him.

misscleanex · 2019-11-06T07:47:30+00:00

Either he's beta orbiting this girl because he thinks he's got a chance, or you're looking into things too closely.

Either way, your behavior is turning her into the forbidden fruit, and you're not going to be able to to figure out the answer to this conundrum with the way you're going. (Sounds like you're peeking at his phone and internet stalking him!???!!!!) When people try to keep things from other people, people tend to want those things more.

You see this with everything from a child and their toys, to illicit drugs, to, yes, members of the opposite sex.

Recognize that you cannot change his behavior. What you are doing right now is severely displaying a huge lack of trust in your boyfriend. Either make peace with the fact that he's going to talk to her or make peace with the fact that you can't handle a man with a female friend, cut him loose, and move on. (This is me, I'm in this bucket, I would walk.)

If you're going to try to stick around, trying to control him will only drive him to her. Be like Portugal. Portugal made drugs legal, and drug related deaths decreased significantly, and any uptick in reported drug use has been negated by the ongoing theory that since drugs are now legal and destigmatized, people are less likely to lie about it, and even without this being brought into consideration, the increases were small. Compare that to the heinously complicated opiate epidemic in the US, where people leap to find batches that supposedly contain Carfetonyl and keep their lazerus drug handy despite the legal status of the drug. In other words, STFU about her and stop making her look like a tasty treat and the allure will go away. This move suggests you don't see her as a threat, you trust him, and you're not trying to control him. He's a lot less likely to try to lie about his intentions with her if he's not on guard.

[deleted] · 2019-11-07T03:59:40+00:00

I don't think that men and women can be friends without one or both of them catching feelings. That's just my opinion and I would personally have a problem with this kind of relationship especially since they have a past.

szsunshine · 2019-11-06T21:10:51+00:00

What you should not worry about: The fact that he was attracted to you for your looks. That is the hamster spinning inside your brain. Most male-female dating relationships are based on initial attraction! You have obviously built something from there!

I also wouldn't worry about comments that are not flirtatious. Unless you want a partner who has no female friends / never had a female friend, then you will need to deal with (non-flirty) posts and likes. He can't change the fact that he was friends with someone in high school before he met you, the fact that they went to the prom together.

What would bother me:

1) The fact that he was initially secretive / dishonest with you about their relationship.

2) That she hits him up when she doesn't have a boyfriend. That says to me that either he is a "plan B" for her when her relationships don't work out (which would bother me because - it's only a matter of time before she is single and makes a move, or that she uses him for emotional validation (which would bother me because he is being used by her).

You might consider presenting this to your boyfriend as a problem. You can wait to do this until he is about to go home on break (Thanksgiving, Winter), but don't "spring" it on him - give him time to digest your thoughts.

"I am concerned about your relationship with (XGFs name). It bothers me that you lied to me about your relationship, that the story you told me of your history with (XGF) changed several times. It also bothers me that she seems to contact you a lot when she is "between relationships." YOUR BEHAVIOR does not make me feel secure.

If this is a deal-breaker for you, you can add "I can't be in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets about a person of the opposite sex (that he was FWB with! Even if there was no sex - there was something!) from me. If you interact with (XGF) I want everything to be out in the open. If you can't do that, then our relationship is not going to work."

Note that you are NOT telling him to stop being friends with her. You are saying that YOUR RELATIONSHIP needs to be more important. If YOU are not his best female friend, then the two of you should not be talking about marriage.

Also, you are NOT saying you don't trust HIM. You are saying you don't trust HIS BEHAVIOR or HERS. Keep in mind that people who are honest don't act shady.

I have male friends (from school, before I met my H, although most of them were already with their now-wives). Everything I write to them I would have zero problem with my H or their wives reading. I have met their wives and they have met my H (sometimes this isn't possible, but these people all live within driving distance from me). My H is always invited when I meet up with these guys (they may be traveling to visit colleges with their kids, at school for a reunion). H often declines but that is HIS choice.

mr4kino · 2019-11-05T22:51:15+00:00

Keep doing that and he will leave you. If he is with you and not with her there is a reason.

If he is on the defensive it's simply because you are not trusting him and you probably tired him all day long with those women questions till the guy started to get really annoyed.

Title	Jealous of my boyfriend’s female friend
Author	amovalson_
Upvotes	0
Comments	23
Date	November 5, 2019 10:31 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ds6qyc/jealous_of_my_boyfriends_female_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/jealous-of-my-boyfriends-female-friend.294163 https://theredarchive.com/post/294163

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