What causes bitterness? Do you think thats why red pill/incel types can't seem to succeed or at least cheer up.

WonderfulDorothyOfOz · 2019-09-20T17:04:44+00:00

What causes bitterness? Do you think thats why red pill/incel types can't seem to succeed or at least cheer up.

Ultimately, it's our expectations for how things should work, but don't. Incel types are usually prone to depression, and in many cases, depression can be remedied with therapy because therapy helps us see that our unrealistic expectations lead us to deep sadness, anger, etc. (Not all cases of depression are like this, of course, but many people suffer from dysfunctional coping mechanisms rather than an "mental illness".)

How do defeat bitterness? How can you make someone see the light? Esepicilly when swallowing a hard pill like the red pill?

Learn how to focus on not trying to predict and expect how things will go in life. We get bitter when things don't go how we planned or expect. Most of it is uncontrollable and as the old adage said, "Go with the flow."

I had something come up and just had to submit unfinished, but I'll try to finish later.

bagoonga · 2019-09-20T19:23:41+00:00

Everyone says women can tell how a guy feels about himself or if he's confident or not and knowing that really doesn't help.

Nope. They're every bit as limited as you are figuring that out about strangers. People misread people all the time.

it just seems like men have to be exactly the type of caricature the feminist swear up and down that isn't real and that they're not attracted to.

Redpill people say this all the time, but they're always saying it without any concrete examples or even definitions of the guy that "women say they want." Their ideology is based on anecdotes from heavily biased people, though. They have an inaccurate, generalized view of what "women say they want" and think that any woman that contradicts that is an example of hypocrisy. They don't realize no woman (including any in their imagination) speaks for all women, so it doesn't matter if one woman wants the opposite of what another does.

boardgaming234 · 2019-09-20T17:09:48+00:00

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, it does not exist.”

—Frederick Nietzsche

Exis007 · 2019-09-21T13:56:00+00:00

I labor under the idea that happiness, real contentment, and pain are inextricably linked. You can't have one without the other.

When we talk about sex, love, and intimacy, we're talking about vulnerability. If you want real human connection, you have to drop the barriers and be your real self, and that always comes with the risk that you may experience pain. You might trust the wrong person, you might be rejected, you might let someone in to your weird little world and they might fuck up your shit. That's painful and that pain is terrible. At the same time, there's no way to experience the joy and acceptance of opening yourself up and being loved, being accepted, without taking that risk. You have to be willing to roll the dice on letting in another person in completely if you want to feel those profound feelings.

The red pill is philosophically not about love, its about avoiding pain. They will more or less tell you that, inasmuch as they preach that women don't love the way men love, that you have to play these mind games and keep playing them to be successful. When the red pill talks about confidence, they are talking about strategies by which you can be confident that you'll avoid getting hurt. You can go on the offensive, hold frame, follow these rules, tread these lines, and can be reasonably assured you won't let anyone in too closely that you'll get hurt. To a certain extent, that's super effective. If you just want sex, if you only want people in your life that can only get so close, and if you want to have to game plan your interactions that closely, you can avoid a lot of pain. You can create emotional distance and hold people at arm's length, so you can be pretty confident that they are powerless to harm you. If that's your goal it works well enough.

But the cognitive dissonance is that it's an inherently un-confident position. Its the rational that a good defense is the best offense. You don't feel confident in a crouch, min/maxing every interaction. And, at the end of the day, you're still the guy behind all the bluster cringing that someone might hurt you. Its totally oppositional to the kind of confidence we usually talk about, which is the freedom to be your real self. Its about living where you're not terrified of the pain that might come from being rejected over who you really are. Its not about being immune from that pain or having it hurt less, but being strong enough to weather the inevitable reality that people won't like you, that they will be cruel, and that it might really hurt. Typically people achieve that by having enough of their own self-esteem that they can recover. They like themselves, they feel socially accepted by friend and family, they feel whole enough that this one rejection won't let things fall apart.

I am not arguing that this is an easy thing to achieve. It's tremendously difficult. Its much easier to hold people at arm's length and avoid pain, to be sure. But the bedrock of real emotional fulfillment is always getting to be yourself and loved for it, and the other path is just a bad facsimile of that.

The social cues that say 'confident' are easy enough to fake. Stand up straight, make eye-contact, use welcoming body language (we gestures, no crossed-arms). Don't be afraid to disagree with people so they'll like you, don't put yourself down, express your own interests, be decisive in initiating social interaction. Performing the acts of confidence is something you can learn. There's nothing WRONG with acting confident even when you don't feel it, its something everyone has to do. Its the basis of every job interview ever, for example. But the real magic happens when the social motions of performing it meet up with a legitimate internal set point that you're unafraid that people might not like you. The root of that is liking yourself enough that, while it will STILL be painful, the pain isn't controlling who you open yourself up to. The hope that things could be amazing outweighs the fear that it could all go tits up, and in that moment you are legitimately confident that the reward beats the risk. The less afraid you are, the more confident you can be in the possibility of someone.

I might be wrong. That's just my take on it.

aWorldBornDead · 2019-09-26T23:34:00+00:00

Insecurity, lack of hobbies, and lack of abundance cause bitterness. It's hard to be bitter on a wave runner or with a new girl in your arms.

jordan_disorder · 2019-11-03T05:26:47+00:00

OP, women can not tell the confidence level of any man. Its really simple, if a girl likes you she'll tell herself that you're confident. If she doesn't like you she'll tell herself that you're not confident. If she likes you and you're an extrovert she'll say you're socially savvy or you have the gift of gab. If she doesn't and you're extroverted she'll say you're a tryhard. Introverted? Strong silent type if she likes you, shy and insecure if she doesn't.

Criticalthinking346 · 2019-09-20T21:56:52+00:00

We all think we’re islands, but this is false. It is more like we’re all in a pool. Everything we say, think, and do, sends out little vibrations in the water. These vibrations hit everyone. If we send out negative ones those around you will pick up on it and start to avoid you. This can quickly causes you to become resentful. Resentment is like pissing in the pool. Eventually the area around you becomes to toxic for anyone to stay around for long.

If you want to get rid of the toxicity around you the answer is simple. Stop focusing on what your lacking in life or the negativity of the world, and start focusing on what you have. Feelings of gratitude are positive and will send out positive vibes. Eventually your water will become less toxic and people will come back around. You’ll also find that the more you focus on gains instead of deficits the more your deficits won’t matter.

Start retraining your negativity bias by listing three to five things a day that you have to be grateful for. However never list the same thing twice. By doing this you’ll actually evolve the neurons in your brain to compensate for the negativity bias that it has.

Good luck

Title	What causes bitterness? Do you think thats why red pill/incel types can't seem to succeed or at least cheer up.
Author	defo18
Upvotes	13
Comments	24
Date	September 20, 2019 4:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/d6x8nb/what_causes_bitterness_do_you_think_thats_why_red/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-causes-bitterness-do-you-think-thats-why-red.299600 https://theredarchive.com/post/299600

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