How do I stop this thinking?

trojan25nz · 2019-04-11T12:16:22+00:00

I'll give some advice.

There are some feelings underlying the TRP stuff that won't go away when the TRP stuff goes away.

The feelings like distrust, insecurity, anxiety...

TRP is a convenient excuse for these feelings that you think are causing you problems, but its not TRP.

It's you, dude.

They're your feelings. Sure, disregard everything that TRP has said, but don't make the mistake of thinking that this will fix your feelings, because they're not actually that connected, your negative feelings and TRP.

Bad feelings like this are pretty common...it's up to you to be able to handle them though. And that really comes down to making the right sort of choices...

Example: If she's texting on her phone, is it okay for you to feel bad that she might be texting a secret boyfriend?

Will thinking these thoughts about her make you feel better about yourself and your relationship, or worse?

If worse, is it a good idea to let yourself think these thoughts about her, knowing that the outcome might be that you feel insecure and discontent?

Is there an option that leaves you feeling more content instead, such as dismissing these thoughts and learning to trust what she says (assuming she's told you she aint cheating?)

Jalakee · 2019-04-11T13:29:15+00:00

A lot of guys are really insecure until they find TRP. Once they start getting some success they build confidence. Then, inevitably, they get in to a relationship, and TRP poisons their mind. Even if they remove all of that negative influence, they might not be 'feeding the fire' but their underlying insecurities come back.

One helpful teaching of TRP (not exclusive to TRP by any means) is to weigh actions over words.

Is she really doing anything that is suspicious? What kind of fruit is she producing? Sounds to me like it's all good. She's respectful, loving, physically/sexually into you, has no social media...I mean look at the evidence dude. Do you think she's so unhappy that she's secretly banging another dude behind your back, in between ALL the time you spend together and her endless BJs???

Contrary to TRP logic, women prefer and gravitate towards monogamy. Ask any woman on earth, or better yet, just observe. They all love and prefer to be in a (good) relationship. Sure, hypergamy exists, but they dont do it "just because" AWALT. They arent looking for the bigger better deal when they are happy with you. And beyond that, they are looking for the nearest branch to swing to the second things arent peachy-honeymoon phase either.

Yes there are bad apples, but TRP magnifies and catastrophizes everything.

palacesofparagraphs · 2019-04-11T15:11:00+00:00

The biggest thing you can do is manually train yourself out of it. Whenever you have one of those thoughts, flag it and consider it. When your mind goes to "who is she texting?", take a second to actually think who she's probably texting, and remind yourself that you want her to have healthy relationships with her friends and family, so it's a good thing if she's talking to them. When your mind goes to "I better not be too affectionate or she'll lost interest", take a second to think about how she usually reacts positively to affection, and remind yourself that showing someone you love them is a healthy and necessary part of any relationship. Even if you still feel the insecurity or paranoia, constantly reminding yourself of the facts will lessen it over time until your brain no longer jumps to those places.

It sounds like in general, you've got an amazing and healthy thing going with this girl, and I'm so glad. If you feel comfortable, it may help to be honest with her about some of this stuff. Let her know you're struggling to break some toxic thought patterns. She may be able to come up with ways to help you break them, particularly if she can reinforce some of the positive behaviors you've been led to believe are bad ideas.

Getting away from a toxic mindset is hard, but the biggest step is just realizing your thoughts are toxic to begin with. Since you know, you can self-correct. You can retrain your brain. It takes some time, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

user123446777 · 2019-04-11T18:45:18+00:00

Step 1:

Never let go of your friends. Hang on to them and they can be your rock that will be there for you no matter what. If you don't have these friends, or this kind of intimacy with the friends that you do have, then do whatever you need to do to make it happen. Call/text/book plane tickets, go to meetups, whatever you have to do to get it, you need platonic people in your life (ideally a few Male ones) who you can share your innermost world with without judgement.

Step 2:

Own your insecurities and share them with the girlfriend. What do you desire from her that can make you feel secure? She will either respond by trying to calm you down and meet your needs, or she won't....and in that case...that's why you have step 1.

Note: the lovey dovy nonstop blowjobs hormones absolutely WILL stop. At some point you'll both need to work to keep the passion alive, but it definitely can't last if you can't show your true self.

[deleted] · 2019-04-12T07:40:44+00:00

Normally i don´t post here, i can´t offer advice regarding TRP but i´ve some experience with long-term relationships.

First of all, relax- you are in love and that´s really great, chill and enjoy- don´t overthink it.

She’s loud, energetic and fun. And I always wonder if it’s for attention or she’s just loud lol (even though she doesn’t really do anything for attention. No social media)

I guess she is just that- it´s a part of her personality. No worries!

I also am so afraid that the things she does now. Literally the best girl ever. Does everything for me. Blows me constantly. We fuck everyday. Sends and shows love. That it will stop after a couple years and we will end up like “every other couple” because besides these insecurities I have.

I won´t lie to you, your sex life will change in a long-term relationship. It will be different some day, that is almost certain. You don´t have sex like u had in your 20´s when u are 35 or 40- but i don´t think this is bad at all. When your love will stay intact you will arrrive at this point together as couple. The crucial thing is to really know each other, talk to her often, touch her often, try to laugh regularly together, have fun, nurture your relationship, stick together in dark times.

When it comes to anxiety and insecurity- i strongly recommend some kind of therapy. It´s a bit of a hurdle to do this as a dude, but pls consider it -i´ts a good thing.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-04-11T18:10:02+00:00

I don't fucking understand how trp should give everyone nonchalance and abundance mentality and yet turns everyone into a bunch of insecure jealous idiots.

Listen, all you can do is be the best version of yourself. If that isn't enough or ends up not being enough which may lead to her cheating or dumping you eventually, so be it. Such is life.

Just don't put yourself into a position where a breakup will leave you financially destroyed.

Think_please · 2019-04-12T00:47:13+00:00

If she's as great as you say she is I'd talk to her about it. She'll probably think a little less of you in the moment but help you get over these feelings in the long run. A better option is to get some therapy and work through your more deep-seated issues on your own time so you can focus on her when you're together. Good luck.

0kool74 · 2019-04-12T01:42:40+00:00

The problem with a lot of people like yourself who have been exposed to TRP, the blinders are no longer over their eyes and they're no longer in The Matrix, they finally are given the insights into female nature and what it takes to win the game, is you never realize that TRP didn't just "come" into existence. It wasn't some Big Bang event or immaculate conception. it was born out of men......consistently losing the game of women.......and wanting to develop a system of being able to beat the computer. Just like a human finally beat Watson at a game of chess, a "conglomerate" of men came together and developed a winning strategy at the game of women.

Another thing that you fail to realize is that TRP, like any philosophy, is going to have it's good, beneficial information and some things, concepts and ideas that are not so good. Is it really detrimental to improve yourself mentally and physically? Only a fool would say no in that regard. Conversely, is AWALT really an absolute? Hell no. Not every single female out there has ridden the cock carousel, spit out multiple pieces of womb filth, taken it up the ass at gangbang parties, or is looking to be a Merchant Maurine.

The main problem with your post is that you blame the red pill because you never really internalized it. And you never really internalized it because you are still hanging onto the blue pill brainwashing. If you're lamenting about she might possibly leave you because you open up about your feelings and maybe tell her you love her too much, she may very well do that. But ya know what? That's life! Not every woman out there, even the one you are thinking is your unicorn, is going to be open to a man being overly emotional or saying he loves her too much. What YOU have to do is find where that balancing line is. You have to find where it's too much or not enough. The Red Pill isn't an absolute for you to find out where that line is. It is simply a guide to show you what happens when you DO cross that line and you ARE too mushy and you HAVE made her pussy dry up quicker than the Sahara desert covered in ShamWows.

It may sound a bit harsh, but society does not give a shit about whether or not you fail or succeed with women. And I guarantee you if truth be told, the people of this sub won't either. Sure they may blow smoke and platitudes up your ass, but that's all it'll be. "All the world's a stage".......So are you gonna win......or lose and blame something other than yourself???

ntrtnrz · 2019-04-23T13:47:43+00:00

I really just made an account to answer u.

So i used this red pill mindset to get laid as well in the past, worked out for a few years.

I got pretty tired of it and the women involved. Red pill kinda attracted this emotional unstable women which caused lots of drama and toxic relationships.

Also i got cheated on in my last relationship which caused me to sink deeper into TRP.

Im in a beautiful and nurturing relationship after taking a break and doing some adjustments.

So what i did to escape the anxiety and insecurity was the following.

I accepted my past and the things that happened. I stopped being bitter towards women.

I reread the books about the Red Pill. (rational male etc).

I chose to keep an open mind and be aware of the POTENTIAL nature of women. Even though im red pill aware i chose to apply to my own likings.

I chose to open myself up and be at ease with my flaws. In my opinion why would u hide your flaws? Accept them and work on them. I realized that its me and whenever i feel that urge to become passive aggressive and insecure i stopped for a moment and told myself: If i really want to build a lasting relationship i need to be the best version of myself, insecurities are a part of life but as an individual u must fix them on your own. You can freely talk with ur girl about it but tell her that she doest meed to do anything, tell her that u as a men are aware and u will fix it on your own.

If she truly listens u will feel a lot of relief.

U can only build a connection with the true self of a person so don't be afraid to telll her what's on your mind. The strongest reason why relationships fail is communication.

What i suggest u doing is the following.

Read Self Help Books.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

The 5 Love Languages

Attached: deals with attachment types in relationships and how it affects actions in RS (Must read in my opinion)

No more Mr Nice Guy: How childhood affects ur being as a man and how to stop overthinking and being a pussy i guess

I could list some more regarding carrer and productivity as well as purpose but these books really opened up my view over relationships.

All in all the Combination of everything got me a pretty decent overview of how women work and how to get a relationship working and be nurturing.

I even talked with my girlfriend about the red pill, like we really discussed hypergamy etc in all its depth.

Finally never forget to invest in ur mind and body, its the best investment u can ever make.

Title	How do I stop this thinking?
Author	BullishScentedCandle
Upvotes	19
Comments	11
Date	April 11, 2019 11:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/bbyy55/how_do_i_stop_this_thinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-stop-this-thinking.299802 https://theredarchive.com/post/299802