How to communicate self-improvement to a potential partner?

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October 23, 2019
1 upvotes

This is my first time posting here. I'm not fully religious yet, but I find my ideal partner should be on tract. Since I'm vetting while having more abundance, I stumbled across a wonderful girl. So here are my stats before my question:

29 YO single RedPilled 3 weeks, redpill aware 3 months. (OYS on MarriedRedPill)

HT 5'6" WT 131 BF 14%

I broke up with my LTR and met interesting girls. One who likes me is religious and checks all boxes, and I recognize she is a marriage material, and she is looking for marriage and strict about sexuality. I'm talking to several girls beside her to maintain my abundance.
Her issue is that she requires a man to be religious and on high manners. I'm not here yet, esoically with the use of swearing words, and I don't want to do anything for her sake. But to keep my beta on check, since I may say something stupid fearing the sting of nexting her due to incompatibility, I want to make sure that I'm approaching this in a full redpill manner.

I'll be upfront and transparent "At this stage of my life journey, XYZ are my top priorities on self improvement. I have some weaknesses that may be relevant to your selection of a partner, like my regular usage of swear words. I understand that it's not ideal manners, but it's important for me to focus my efforts on XYZ first because it impacts me more in ABC ways.

If it is more pleasing to your ears, I will try my best not to use swear words around you. However, I do not want to misrepresent myself here, so my usage of swear words will still maintain regularity outside of our conversations. If it is critically important for you that in the long run your partner does not have such manners, I may make these changes in the distant future because I do see merit in how it relates to exemplary manners and character, but I would need the space and time to make these changes of my own accord without any undue pressure. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my priorities and terms on this."

Please don't go easy on me.


Post Information
Title How to communicate self-improvement to a potential partner?
Author mrpmonk
Upvotes 1
Comments 18
Date 23 October 2019 04:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/304611
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/dm1zyn/how_to_communicate_selfimprovement_to_a_potential/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaabundancelong term relationshipthe red pillnexting
Comments

[–]OsmiumZulu7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Please don't go easy on me.

How to communicate self-improvement to a potential partner?

You don’t. STFU. Acta Non Verba.

HT 5'6" WT 131 BF 14%

Bro, do you even lift?

29 YO single RedPilled 3 weeks, redpill aware 3 months. (OYS on MarriedRedPill)

So you’re a complete novice who hasn’t had even remotely enough time to internalize what you’ve read. Also, If you don’t lift you aren’t redpilled at all.

This is my first time posting here. I'm not fully religious yet

What does this even mean? That’s like saying, “I’m not fully black yet”. Do you not have faith or are you just struggling to act consistent with your new faith?

I broke up with my LTR and met interesting girls. One who likes me is religious and checks all boxes, and I recognize she is a marriage material, and she is looking for marriage and strict about sexuality.

You have oneitis bad. Is she actually strict about sexuality or is she that way with you? AWALT man. That isn’t to say she is sleeping around, but in today’s SMP you are a fool not to assume the worst. Her n count and propensity to fool around won’t be something you will ever be able to get a firm trustworthy knowledge of, so the question is: assuming she has a massive body count, is she still your special snowflake princess?

I'm talking to several girls beside her to maintain my abundance.

Talk is cheap. Could you hit these girls up and go on a date this weekend? Are they interested in you romantically/sexually? Are they even hot or simply female? Abundance only works if the abundant alternatives are viable alternatives.

Her issue is that she requires a man to be religious and on high manners.

No, she doesn’t. She fantasizes about bad boys who break the rules. Her panties get wet for the scoundrel. She roes require her beta bucks to be well behaved to make him easier to tolerate though.

I’m not here yet, esoically with the use of swearing words

I don't want to do anything for her sake.

Except you do...

I'll be upfront and transparent "At this stage of my life journey, XYZ are my top priorities on self improvement. I have some weaknesses that may be relevant to your selection of a partner, like my regular usage of swear words. I understand that it's not ideal manners, but it's important for me to focus my efforts on XYZ first because it impacts me more in ABC ways.

Yup. Qualifying yourself and explaining how you fit into her frame is a surefire way to...

make sure that I'm approaching this in a full redpill manner.

You aren’t.

But to keep my beta on check, since I may say something stupid fearing the sting of nexting her

How’s that abundance mentality working out for you?

If it is more pleasing to your ears, I will try my best not to use swear words around you.

This is beyond cringe. I feel my T levels dropping just reading it.

However, I do not want to misrepresent myself here, so my usage of swear words will still maintain regularity outside of our conversations. If it is critically important for you that in the long run your partner does not have such manners, I may make these changes in the distant future because I do see merit in how it relates to exemplary manners and character, but I would need the space and time to make these changes of my own accord without any undue pressure. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my priorities and terms on this."

Dude, this is so boring. Why not write up a contract and have your attorney go over the terms of your interactions with her? It would probably have the same effect on her interest levels.

Let’s look a little closer:

However, I do not want to misrepresent myself here, so my usage of swear words will still maintain regularity outside of our conversations.

“Let me explain my thoughts and actions to you so that you don’t accidentally think I am mysterious or interesting.”

If it is critically important for you that in the long run your partner does not have such manners, I may make these changes in the distant future because I do see merit in how it relates to exemplary manners and character, but I would need the space and time to make these changes of my own accord without any undue pressure.

“I super duper really want you to like me, and I don’t have enough self control or drive to meet our standards yet but someday I absolutely will be able to mold myself in such a way that I measure up to you!”

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my priorities and terms on this."

“Do you like my ideas mommy???”

You are a complete rookie and need to read the sidebar, lift, and STFU until you “get it” because you clearly have missed many of the most basic concepts.

[–]SteelSharpensSteel3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's like I don't need to type anything at all, it's all here.

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Is she actually strict about sexuality or is she that way with you?

It's a fitness test that he hasn't realized yet. It's like all those dating profiles that say, "I don't do hookups, so don't even bother." Yet the very next sentence says, "I'm pregnant and the dad's not in the picture anymore, and you'd better be okay with that."

/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen seemed somewhat exaggerated of the sexual marketplace until I actually created a tinder profile to research what it's really like and ... dang, if it all ain't true. In 15 minutes of swiping there are dozens of examples (yes, more than 1 a minute) that are exactly like this. I didn't realize how much the dating market had changed, as I was married before online dating blew up, but it's now more than ever that I realize how critical it is for guys to be red pilled to know how to navigate the shark infested waters.

[–]RedPillWonder2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I realize how critical it is for guys to be red pilled to know how to navigate the shark infested waters.

Yes and amen!

Vet, boundary enforce, whatever term or phrase one wants to use, but single men today need a full and complete knowledge of biblical and red pill concepts that they actively live out.

Otherwise they are going to be eaten alive.

It's like all those dating profiles that say, "I don't do hookups, so don't even bother."

Haha I remember someone saying that every time he saw a woman write something like this, it was a dead giveaway that she was an easy lay. Usually first date. That more sexually innocent girls don't really think to put up comments like that. It was an interesting observation.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fitness test

This is new to me. Thanks for discussing this here. AWALT!

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Acta Non Verba.

Had I done that, I would have gotten the label I have form r/marriedredpill This is my monk mode title from now on.

Thanks for breaking down all the bluepilled mentality I have through your lens. Really appreciative

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not fully religious yet

Good. Don't be. Religiosity is what ushered in the transition from Christianity to churchianity.

RedPilled 3 weeks, redpill aware 3 months

I probably need to do a post on this, but what you said makes no sense. The Red Pill is truth. Once you're aware of the truth and accept it as truth, you're red pilled. The only way I can interpret this phrase to make sense is to say that you became aware of the existence of the red pill 3 months ago, but didn't start reading content and agreeing to the truth of it until 3 weeks ago.

What I'm really guessing you mean, though, is that you started applying behaviors that you think are "red pill behaviors" about 3 weeks ago, like lifting, developing frame, etc. This is a wrong framework for understanding things.

met interesting girls. One who likes me is religious ... she requires a man to be religious

As well she should. This isn't "her issue," as if this is a problem with her. Biblically, it's foolish and unscriptural to be with a non-believer (unless you became a believer post-marriage). Of course, that doesn't actually stop most girls, which is why she's showing interest in you in the first place, despite your spiritual ambiguity. This is another reason why I believe God has men in authority rather than women. While there have certainly been situations where men have abandoned their faith for women, it is significantly less often when you see the reverse. A quick look on any dating app and you'll see in droves the number of women who profess "Christian" or "God comes first" on their profiles, who also have countless children out of wedlock, boozing it up, using drugs, etc.

I want to make sure that I'm approaching this in a full redpill manner

Then why are you bringing it up at all? The "full red pill manner" is acta non verba. I swear, people today are so screwed up with this "communication is the life blood of relationships" nonsense. Get that out of your head. Take a vow of silence for 30 days, learning to communicate solely through action (and not sign language or charades) and I guarantee your attractiveness will be much better for it.

At this stage of my life journey

I don't care about the nuance of what you actually said and how it should be interpreted. She will hear: "Oh, so he intends to stop improving in these areas at other stages in his life."

I have some weaknesses that may be relevant to your selection of a partner

i.e. "I recognize that you're the one in the position of social dominance because you get to select who you marry, and I'm just lucky to have the chance to be selected by you."

I understand that it's not ideal manners, but it's important for me to focus my efforts on XYZ first because it impacts me more in ABC ways.

i.e. "It really matters that you agree with me because I'm hung up on what you think, so I'm going to defend my position and explain to you my rationalization for exactly why I'm doing things this way, after which you will agree with me and I will feel much better once I have your approval."

If it is more pleasing to your ears

"... because my life mission is to make you happy, my dear."

I will try my best not to use swear words around you

"... because I recognize how important it is to conform my behaviors to your liking."

I do not want to misrepresent myself here, so my usage of swear words will still maintain regularity outside of our conversations

"Don't worry, I'm still going to pretend to be alpha to everyone else - but for you, I'll be as beta as you want me to be."

If it is critically important for you

"... yes, FOR YOU - because doing things FOR YOU is everything I live for"

I may make these changes in the distant future

"... FOR YOU I will make permanent changes to my life. Not for God. Not for my own well-being. I'll do it FOR YOU."

because I do see merit in how it relates to exemplary manners and character

"See how great I can rationalize pussifying myself at your feet as really a choice for me instead? Don't worry, honey. Any time you want me to change something about myself, as long as you can give me a rationalization that my hamster can get behind, I'll make the change because I can convince myself I'm doing it for me."

but I would need the space and time to make these changes of my own accord without any undue pressure

"... because I'm a pussy who isn't disciplined enough to make significant life changes without substantial space and time, and especially not under pressure. And if you are trying to pressure me at all, my desire to do it FOR YOU will be so strong that I won't be able to do it for myself because I cannot see myself apart from my desire to do things FOR YOU. But if you can stop pressuring me, then it'll be a lot easier for me to convince myself that what I'm doing FOR YOU is really for myself."

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my priorities and terms on this.

"... because I'm happy to change my priorities and terms if you think I should."

Seriously, it's crap like this that makes me see why the MRP guys throw around words like "faggot" and "autist" so much. Are you trolling us? Or do you really think this way?

As /u/OsmiumZulu said: acta non verba. Let that be your mantra.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The only way I can interpret this phrase to make sense is to say that you became aware of the existence of the red pill 3 months ago, but didn't start reading content and agreeing to the truth of it until 3 weeks ago.

Close enough. I know deep inside that redpill was an ideology that may or may not work the first time I was lurking, but what do I know without reading?! I had to put the truth through test after a bit of reading and started with OYS. Then at a certain point, I had to accept the truth and embrace it at all costs.

I appreciate how you showed me that despite having a frame now, I'm still craving to live in someone's else frame!

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

More accurately: you don't have a frame yet; you've learned to be confident and assertive within someone else's frame.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

confident and assertive within someone else's frame.

I'll be penetrating through that very soon.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not fully religious yet,

Everyone else already beat you up covered the rest, so I'll just ask you this: are you born again? It's really the most important part of all this.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is an eye-opener

Who hasn't told a lie, stolen, used God's name in vain, or lusted after another person?

I defiantly am deep in the sin

We can never be good enough for God to save us based on our actions.

Thank you Lord for creating us in such a way which makes us able recognize our weaknesses and gave us enough power to over come them, by our will. Yet you're aware of the temptations strength and pardoned our lack of action.

when we repent, it doesn't mean that we will never sin again. It means that we try our best not to sin because we want to please God, and that we regret it when we do sin and then confess and forsake it.

I need to build my frame before I sincerely stand before god to repent

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

and gave us enough power to over come them, by our will.

No, it's by the power of the Gospel that our weaknesses are overcome - if we could overcome them ourselves, then what would we need Christ for? Once we place our trust in Jesus Christ to save us, God enables us to repent: to turn from living for our sinful selves and to begin to live for Him instead. If it were up to us and our will, we would never turn to God.

Yet you're aware of the temptations strength and pardoned our lack of action.

Only if you're born again and have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. You mentioned being deep in sin, so therefore I would caution you to reread that until you understand, trust in Christ and repent. Christians are not perfect: we stumble into sin from time to time. But we don't live there.

Now what does it mean to repent? Many have defined the term as to change one’s mind—that’s what the word means in Greek and that truth is there. But there is so much more to it than just that. You may think that changing one’s mind is pretty superficial; well, it might be but it’s not, if you understand what the mind is. The mind in the Bible refers to the mind, the heart—it is the control center of a human being, the control center of our will, our emotions, our intellect, our decision-making process. And so what it is saying is, if you have changed your mind then everything else will change along with it.

Here’s a perfect description of repentance: the apostle Paul. He had a change of mind. Now when he left to go on the road to Damascus, he left with orders to capture Christians. Why? This is what he believed: Paul thought that Jesus of Nazareth was the greatest blasphemer to have ever walked the planet. He also thought that the Christians were a terrible sect that ought to be destroyed. That’s what he thought. And then on the road to Damascus, he had an encounter with the resurrected Christ. And what happened? His thinking changed. His entire reality was proved to be wrong. Everything he thought about reality, especially with regard to God, was wrong. He recognized he was wrong and began to think completely different. He now thought Jesus was the Son of God and the long-awaited Messiah. He now thought the Christians were the very people of God. And because his thoughts changed, everything else changed. After being baptized, he began to minister and preach the Gospel, and to be persecuted for the very faith he was once persecuting.

To repent is to realize that all your thinking, your entire view about reality, was wrong; and then to seek, and submit to, God’s truth about who He is, about who you are, and about who Jesus is and what He has done for you. It is a change of mind that leads to a change of the intellect, a change of the will, and a change of your emotions. It means the sins you once loved, you now hate. The holiness you once ignored, you now desire. The Christ that you had no part with, that you lived apart from—you now esteem Him. You consider the kingdom of heaven to be a pearl of great price. These are certain evidences that a work of repentance has been done in your heart.

Not only must we repent, but we must believe in Jesus Christ; to recognize that there is absolutely nothing in us that can save us. It is a recognition that you have only one hope, and 100% of that hope is found in the Person and work of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:13). That you know that you cannot save yourself, to the point that if someone were to even suggest that you would enter into heaven by some works of righteousness (Ephesians 2:8-9), it would cause you to become nauseous and cry out “No! No! Blasphemy, NO!! I am saved for only one reason: 2000 years ago, the Son of God bled and died for me.” So salvation comes to us through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.

Now if you truly believe in Jesus Christ, you have eternal life. But how do you know you have truly believed? Even if you’ve had some sort of “conversion experience”, felt some sort of peace of God and so many other emotions—how do you really know it’s real? One of the ways you will know it is real is that it will continue. It’s not that necessarily the emotional high will continue, but what will continue is that you will continue to grow in grace. You will continue to deepen in your repentance. You will continue to deepen in your faith. Little by little you will be transformed more and more into the image of Jesus Christ. Does a real Christian sin? Sadly enough, yes. Can a real Christian fall into sin? Yes, but here’s the difference: a real Christian cannot live in a continuous state of carnality and a continuous state of immaturity. Because the Bible says “…He who began a good work in you will finish it” (Philippians 1:6).

The Bible says in Hebrews 12 that one of the greatest signs of true conversion is that God will watch over you with loving parental care, and He will even discipline and chastise you when you turn off the path. Not because His attitude towards you has changed, but because He loves you—and He desires your holiness. You see, once you become a Christian you become a part of God’s providence, and He who began a good work will finish it. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is that God is just, and that man is radically depraved and worthy of all condemnation. That in order to forgive men, God’s justice had to be first satisfied. And that was done on the cross, where Christ stood in the law-place of His people, bore their sin, and was crushed under the full weight of God’s wrath against them. On dying, He paid the price in full, He has risen from the dead, and now all men everywhere may be saved through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. And the evidence of that repentance unto salvation and faith unto salvation will be the continuing work of God leading to holiness.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I just have made a new question on this subreddit as I really want to own this confusing part in me towards God and being religious

[–]Rifleshoot1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, once you are saved, you go through a process of “sanctification.” It’s where you start trying to become more like Christ and to reject your former sinful self. I’m in a similar boat with the swearing. I spent 5 years in a frat house, so I picked up some bad language habits. I’m trying to become less crass in my language and be more pure in general, but that takes time. Someone who is new in the faith is going to still make mistakes. And you’ll never be perfect in this lifetime. But, incrementally, you can improve.

But as for this chick, be sure that she isn’t simply using “manners” to mean submission. There are plenty of girls, especially in religious circles, who have been taught that a man should treat them as royalty and bow and scrape before them. Don’t let a girl define manners for you. I’m willing to bet that you already know proper manners and how to apply them. Don’t let a woman’s stated preferences change you. Don’t change for a woman, because she doesn’t understand what she truly wants. If you are going to change, do it for Christ instead.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are plenty of girls, especially in religious circles, who have been taught that a man should treat them as royalty and bow and scrape before them

Another eye-opener. I would have fallen for a trap of living in another woman's frame because I assumed different mental background thanks to religiosity

[–]SorcererKing1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

RedPilled 3 weeks, redpill aware 3 months.

Are you going to try to tell us you never saw this post?

If you are trying to change your approach to dating, don't you think maybe you should pump the brakes until you actually change your approach? You can keep this girl in orbit for a bit. Do social things with her, flirt, just don't move the ball down the field. Dare I say it: seduce her.

[–]mrpmonk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do social things with her, flirt, just don't move the ball down the field. Dare I say it: seduce her.

I took this as a challenge and started kino on the first meeting. Dare I say she showed up very well-dressed the next time in front of me, needless to say doing that without retaliation has boosted my confidence. Indeed, as /u/OsmiumZulu said: acta non verba.



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