Negotiating desire vs. stating your needs

MrChad_Thundercock · 2020-01-17T13:18:01+00:00

It’s the bullshit advice you must have heard on Ellen and Oprah - you must “communicate“ more to her.

All the talking in the world won’t make her want to fuck you. That’s negotiating desire.

justpickanyusername · 2020-01-17T13:57:28+00:00

Instead of “you’re just laying there” you say “flip over” or “push back into me” or “suck my cock”.

One phrase starts a meltdown and the other gives her tingles. Most women, when properly aroused and attracted to you, like the direct commands. One is directly stating to her what you want and the other just tells her you are dissatisfied without giving her any idea of what you want.

Which one is leading in the bedroom and which one is bitching in the bedroom?

johneyapocalypse · 2020-01-17T14:24:39+00:00

"Stating your needs" makes you needy.

Making your desires known, through your behavior, not your pie-hole, makes you desirous.

I'm gonna cut the shit about lifts and all that, this is a general question.

You're doing that because you're weak and pathetic, which your wife recognizes as much as I do.

I never really told my wife how much I want it.

Tell her you want it 1 billion gazillion fafilion times a year, see if that works.

"You're just laying there" which ended up in a meltdown, threatening divorce on my part, hysterical bonding for a month, yadda yadda yadda.

You're the last dude who should be cutting "the shit about lifts and all that;" especially when your behavior is that of a spoiled little brat who didn't get the new barbie doll she's been eyeballing.

Panzy-ass.

Sepean · 2020-01-17T07:56:57+00:00

This is a complete non-issue that you should stop thinking about.

You build desire and attraction by being alpha. Period. When we say "don't negotiate desire", we mean that you shouldn't think there is any mileage in offering to do the dishes or a bigger house or whatever, it won't turn her on (and to make it worse, negotiating can easily come across as very weak). You should exclusively focus on being alpha if you want hot sex.

That's it. Now tell her what you want her to do. If you're alpha enough, she'll do it. If you're not, she won't, or she'll do it without enthusiasm, and no amount of negotiating will help - only alpha will.

RedPillGlasses · 2020-01-17T17:11:10+00:00

Hysterical bonding for a month

Your mistake was stopping that after a month. Just go with hysterical bonding forever.

If she is scared as fuck you will leave her, then you have all the power.

Go with that.

SBIII · 2020-01-17T10:01:05+00:00

I'm gonna cut the shit about lifts and all that, this is a general question.

No, it's not.

How do I reconcile the two?

You are looking for specific advice on how YOU should deal with a particular situation.

If you can't even be upfront about what you want to ask MRP, how are you going to be upfront about what you want in life?

Ashfordukm · 2020-01-17T07:26:59+00:00

Show your shit:

31yo, 5'77", 165lbs, wife 29yo married 3, together 7, she's currently pregnant

Lifts: DL(5x5) 187, Squats(3x10) 66, IBP(3x8) 143, Curls (5x5) 80. Those are the main

Over60_FireTempered3 · 2020-01-17T15:00:03+00:00

As long as you are thinking about what you are going to "say" instead of what you are going to "do"... you've got it wrong.

Once you get past that, then, see u/Sepean comment for the win.

HeckleandChide · 2020-01-17T15:38:26+00:00

I'm gonna cut the shit about lifts and all that, this is a general question.

Strike one for thinking you are a special snowflake who gets to bend the rules.

I read most of the recommended info, not fully done yet, but this crossed my mind.

Strike two. Get it done.

But I also read a lot that as a real man, you should state your needs and go after them.

Strike three for thinking "state your needs" automatically means using words. Confirmed faggotry.

I realize, if anything, I should state calm and clear what I want.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you either haven't read SGM or you have the memory of the common goldfish.

Or is this rule more nuanced that I thought?

This part is simple. Women are largely reflective in their responses, with two major caveats. You want passion? Supply passion. You want to bang her in the shower? Jump in the shower or say "be in the shower in five minutes." You want her to be more aggressive? Start pulling her hair and pinning her down forcefully during sex.

First caveat, be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Quincy McNeckbeard may have a hot wife because he sold his hentai app for $50M but she's probably not going to be reflective of his sexual desires once the ink is dry on the marriage certificate.

Second caveat, don't be autistic. Note, the more attractive you are, the less this caveat applies. But by don't be autistic, I mean pick a time and place. If your wife is going in for a job interview in 30 min, now's probably not the time to order her into the shower.

BobbyPeru · 2020-01-17T22:52:55+00:00

”You're just laying there"

She wasn’t just laying there for Chad and hour after she met him in a seedy bar.... Chad wasn’t afraid to give his lifts

man_in_the_world · 2020-01-17T08:12:16+00:00

Negotiations are usually done beforehand; directions are usually given during...

Perfectinmyeyes · 2020-01-18T08:18:43+00:00

Good topic for discussion here. I can see how this has come up in my relationship. I can also see how I have been lacking when it comes to life.

My wife knows I want more sex; although much (all?) of the time it feels duty bound or transactional based (is he making enough money and paying for things for me to want to fuck him... Has he taken care of the household enough... Has he taken me out enough or shown me that he loves me by buying me x y or z...

I feel like a dancing monkey that has to wait to be fed... That my actions don't dictate what occurs in my life.

This tells me that my goals are off and I'm not reaching high enough.

I feel the reason I am dissatisfied is that I choose to base my reality on the world that is outside me instead of on what I decide.

In practical terms... There have been 2 times that I have initiated the 'talk'. And both times have left me feeling WTF... In my relationship these comments have been said: It often feels like a chore If you want sex you should go help yourself out Go find someone else You don't make me feel special enough You always initiate at the wrong time

Again the dissatisfaction that I feel and the revulsion that I have knowing that this is my life falls on my shoulders not anyone's else's and shows me the world that I am in is my creation.

fannyfire · 2020-01-18T17:26:24+00:00

Maybe I just don’t give a fuck but my wife knows the deal. When we talked about a friend of her’s that she knew wasn’t having sex with her husband I said, “Being married and not having sex is a waste of time. I wouldn’t be married for long in a situation like that.” I’ve put that into a few different conversations with my wife to where I’m sure she knows the deal. I’ve never hit a dead bedroom or went without sex for more than a week.

I think that if you can express yourself in a normal non-autistic way like I did, it’s fine. If you have to have the fuck me or fuck you speech, you should kill the puppy. Begging, pleading and pouting around the house doesn’t make you attractive. At that point, in my opinion, you should be getting the divorce papers together and fucking some new younger pussy. Take care of your needs because they aren’t going to take care of themselves.

If you’re constantly gaming your wife she should get the point that you’re not gay. I don’t have to tell my wife I want to fuck. I just try to fuck every day I have time. She knows I want it because I game her 2/3 - 3/4 of my week. Telling her I want to fuck would be comparable to me telling her that I need to breathe air. Uhhh, no shit.

hoopingblob · 2020-01-21T16:05:03+00:00

OP... you just grab her, turn her around, pull down her pants, pull her hair and fuck the shit out of her ass and cooch.

Vegasman20002 · 2020-01-17T18:05:11+00:00

My two cents, and what I am doing: grind with lifts and the recommended plan and STFU/bite the bullet until you are a man. And then state your needs (not negotiation and not asking her to come along) if she hasn't made improvement or shown she gets it.

Title	Negotiating desire vs. stating your needs
Author	EmbracedBiology
Upvotes	2
Comments	25
Date	January 17, 2020 6:23 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/epwli7/negotiating_desire_vs_stating_your_needs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/negotiating-desire-vs-stating-your-needs.311088 https://theredarchive.com/post/311088

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