What do you ppl think about "Living apart together" ?

PennnyLame · 2020-01-23T08:01:58+00:00

I don’t get the point. Co-habbing is so much of the fun of being married/in an LTR. I do not miss having to cart my stuff to his place or having to plan our schedules around nights free. Also, sharing a space saves so much money- so does sharing groceries and insurance and utilities. Also, spontaneous sex happens way more when someone is literally always around. Again- I see no benefits beyond silly things like “I can have more/less throw pillows”???

wub1234 · 2020-01-23T08:25:03+00:00

It would probably suit me to have someone I met up with 1-2 times per week, but we lived separately and had some independence from one another.

The advantage is that I just like my own space, and inevitably if you live with someone then you lose some of your liberty.

The disadvantages are that I can see if you live with someone then there can be an intimacy that develops which perhaps won't occur if you spend less time together. And there are massive financial disadvantages. Also, if you have kids then it would obviously be ridiculous.

I personally think there will be far more 'spark', though, if you don't spend every day together. I'm easy to talk to, and I wouldn't go out with someone who didn't have anything to say for herself, but if you live with someone and spend every day together there must be a point where you struggle to find things to say to each other. That's why you often see those sad old couples sat in restaurants or bars, saying absolutely nothing. The river of conversation has run completely dry.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-01-23T09:35:11+00:00

I really love my own space and time and other people's presence is very distracting to me unless I want to actively engage with them. I also like things to be the way I like them to be. I dont want to feel like I have to do things just because someone else is there, e.g. i dont want to have to be accountable to someone else over what I do with my things, whether I'm messy, whether my music is too loud etc. (Not to mention how much I dont want to listen to other people's music unless I approve, or accommodate their stuff..)

I would be happy spending really nice time 1-3 times a week (sometimes more sometimes less) over wasting energy on just cohabiting. I dont want to waste time talking about chores and boring stuff. We can sleep over on weekends though, watch things in bed etc , no issue with spending prolonged time together when it's nice.

I think it would be good and it would leave some excitement. I dont really need the type of intimacy where someone is just in my personal space, I like things to be a little special when we're together. I also think it would save some unnecessary annoyance and compromises and allow us both a more individualistic lifestyle but with all the loyalty and commitment of a loving monogamous relationship.

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misiepatysie · 2020-01-23T08:00:23+00:00

Do you think living together is essential for a relationship? or does it create more tension?
It cretaes more tension only with incompatible partners. Yes, it is essential to get to really know your partner. Also, for me, dating and visiting each other are exhausting things to do, and are too mych time consuming, Living together allowas for spending quality time with each other while having time for individual hobbies.

Is living together the reason for falling into a rut? Can you keep the spark alive if you don't live together?
I have never seen any corelation between the spark and living together or not. Maybe for soem people there is a connection.

What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this relationship model?
I see no advantages for me (maybe some very nercistic and individualistic people would benefit from it). I see many disadvantages: less quality time, pressure of going on dates and arranging them, never be able to really get to know your SO fully, having to pay for two households, having double the chores.

How many of you live like this? Could you imagine living like this?
I don't live like this, and could not do it. I can imagine but but more more as a sad and unpleasant expirience.

gimpgirl555 · 2020-01-23T08:16:12+00:00

IMO if you don't live together, it's not a relationship.

joesmithasdf · 2020-01-23T09:02:26+00:00

Definitely not for everyone, and it’s expensive. But I’ve seen a few couples who really enjoyed that. When I was married, we used to talk about it a few times every year, but never actually did it.

oncewasagoodman · 2020-01-23T09:05:11+00:00

Whose gonna take care of all the kids while I'm at work?

pngmafia97 · 2020-01-23T09:08:42+00:00

To each their own. I don’t have a moralistic or ethical stance on it.

Cohab is more practical financially and makes it easier to do things together. I do like us each having our own space though. Totally into the idea of man cave, office, special girl closet/vanity, studio, etc etc. And you more easily afford it if you live together

rus9384 · 2020-01-23T10:23:06+00:00

That's one of the pros of FWBs.

Title	What do you ppl think about "Living apart together" ?
Author	J_Milton_Jr
Upvotes	0
Comments	20
Date	January 23, 2020 7:51 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/espyw2/what_do_you_ppl_think_about_living_apart_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-ppl-think-about-living-apart-together.313883 https://theredarchive.com/post/313883

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