So this might be a bit long. I’ve lurked this sub for ages but haven’t really commented or felt bold enough to make a post. And honestly I constantly felt called out but was too stuck in undervaluing myself, and accepting shitty treatment from others, to really let the message sink in.

I was the definition of a pick-me. Convinced myself that I wanted to send nude photos, was okay when they were posted alone, and honestly ruined my brain and pleasure sensors by watching depraved porn, because the guys I was with liked it.

No surprise that my self-esteem was low and I would bounce from disappointing “relationship” to “relationship”. I had been abused, physically, sexually and emotionally. I didn’t see any good in myself because I only had feedback from LVM who were happiest when I was at my lowest, because then I’d accept any behavior.

After a particularly brutal breakup, where it felt like I was losing the love of my life, something slowly started to change.

I was devastated at first. My entire life revolves around him, and in return he was avoidant, withdrawn, and would regularly betray my trust (still texting ex’s, commenting constantly on other women’s bodies, etc)

I finally felt at my breaking point. So I started therapy, reprioritizing my financial health, and focused on my hobbies and interests. I got back into creative writing, began the seriously hard work of overcoming untreated mental health issues, and started reconnecting with all the friends I’d been neglecting.

And within six months I was like an entirely new person. The kind this sub regularly is uplifting and pointing to as a goal to hit. Enjoying my alone time, engaging in hobbies, and putting more effort into my career, resulting in a promotion.

But the idea of dating again seemed terrifying. And just when I was thought I was ready, my ex was back in my life.

And for three months I threatened all of my growth. I was back to sobbing on the phone to my exasperated friends. So confused as to why this man wouldn’t change. Only wanted sex, on his terms, and at times that worked for him.

I was back to accepting degradation during sex and having far more regular panic attacks.

I hate to say that another man rescued me. Because that sounds like pick me bullshit. But maybe it’s that another man, who’d been in my life for awhile, as a validating friend, helped connect everything I’d read here, and everything I knew for myself.

It was like seeing in color for the first time of what a relationship could/should be, and what I deserve as my right. Someone who is very clear about his intentions (a future, marriage, children). All things I wanted but pretended not to so I could increase my chance of being “picked”.

Here was this man, respectfully on my periphery until I was ready, expressing an immense interest in everything I had to say. Constantly offering to pay for every little thing, planning future trips, and crossing state lines at my request, to spend as much time with me as I’d allow.

He’s warm, funny, inviting, with his own life filled with his own separate hobbies and interests. He wants to be my partner in life and support me in any area Im unsure in.

I finally got my head out of my ass, took some more time to work through the BS with my ex in therapy, moved slowly, and am now in a committed relationship with a man who makes me feel valued, loved and secure every day.

So thank you FDS. This is the first place and community that gave me a much needed wake up call. That demanded I respect myself and not accept the crumbs that LVM barely offer.

Thank you for supporting women and wanting the best for them. Thank you, thank you. This place gave me the courage to finally love and take care of myself, which in turn finally left me open to accepting the love I deserve.