Conversation and resentment

melitele3 · 2020-02-07T20:09:18+00:00

Have you maybe thought of working less? Is it possible for you to minimize your workload?

I am saying this because no one is a superhero. We all have limited energy and no wonder you are too tired to spend time with your husband after all day of different kind of work. Sometimes we have to sacrifice certain things to be even able to do others. If so much work has negative output on your relationship and well being, maybe you should try not putting so much professional work? Obviously that would mean you would make a bit less but would that be economically impossible for you?

Or if you can’t work less how about you hire some help at home or for kids from time to time so you can be more relaxed?

I feel your husband isn’t the problem because as you stated you liked talking with him like that before. You are just probably exhausted and it makes you irritable.

hidinginahippo · 2020-02-07T22:51:09+00:00

So I know a lot of the advice is to allow your husband to decompress and share about their day after they get home from work before you talk about yourself. But it sounds like you’re really tired and exhausted. Are you getting enough self care in? If you’re not, then maybe you could let your husband know that you want x amount of time alone when he gets in to go have a bath and relax or whatever.

I’m reading the surrendered wife at the moment and there was a chapter about how when our husbands irritate us it’s normally because we are missing out on our self care and as soon as that is righted, we often will feel less annoyed and better able to facilitate their needs again. It sounds like there isn’t any kind of transition between your work/housework and childcare so perhaps alone time could be a transition between your differing roles?

i_cri_evry_tim · 2020-02-07T22:53:51+00:00

Maybe he is just trying to show proactivity. Keep up the masculine presence of going out to battle the world for his family.

Maybe he is simply dying to go home and share with you about his passion.

I understand that you are really tired but if you think about it what he is doing is actually pretty sweet and something many women would envy.

My advice would be to let him know that you love and appreciate the fact that he wants to share and confide in you and that you love being his anchor, but try to make him see that giving you a rest is also a way in which he would be caring for you. That his high energy at the end of the day harms your ability to recharge and be there for him and both of yours kids.

Ask him if there is a way where his confiding in you can take place in a way that is not so mentally exhausting for you.

This sounds like a man who cares but gets carried away and is trying to share and connect but also going overboard. Maybe he just needs to see that his passion for sharing with you is slightly smothering, no matter how much it comes from a great place.

Beeswaxed · 2020-02-08T04:47:29+00:00

You sound incredibly compassionate and like such a loving mother and wife. This is not a personality defect! This is you burning out!

You could request that before he launches into a big rant, he just asks you "do you have the emotional space/energy for me to talk about my shitty boss for 20 mins" or whatever is on his mind. Then you have three choices" Yes, not right now, or "I'd love to, if you give me time to (insert some self-care that you need to do to feel centred and ready to take this on)".

For me, this means laying down for like 20 mins before I get home.

Eosei · 2020-02-08T18:48:05+00:00

I think you should express to him you're feeling the pressure to make more money and it's becoming a bit too much for you. It is okay to say that you can't do something. Just say you can't because it's true, you can't. Whether it's worrying about the finances or trying to cram more into a day than is humanly possible. It is okay to ask him to carry burdens that you can't and it is okay to be vulnerable. You don't need to be cushioning him from realities that so affect his family. It's especially not okay to spread yourself so thin that you become resentful.

It's probably not his enthusiasm that is bothering you as much as it is the entire situation. You said in the past you loved these moments.

ASS_LORD_SUPREME · 2020-02-08T21:32:03+00:00

Sounds to me like you’ve turned your job into competing with your husband. And since you’re now making more money than him, and you think that he’s just diddling at work and not growing the business, your unconscious views him as an inferior provider. Your unconscious needs to be convinced that you’re supporting and submitting to your husband, not that you’re providing for him like a child. If you don’t square this away as soon as possible, you will not only resent your husband more, but you will begin to hate your relationship. From the way you’ve described it, your situation sounds remarkably like the beginnings of this one: https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a234/beta-husband/

Here’s a very simple way to break this to your husband: “ I don’t find you sexually attractive when you come home and prattle on about little things at work. I want you to take the reigns and be serious about your passion.”

Title	Conversation and resentment
Author	DarknessAtNight
Upvotes	15
Comments	18
Date	February 7, 2020 7:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/f0fdo2/conversation_and_resentment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/conversation-and-resentment.331104 https://theredarchive.com/post/331104

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