I [28F] am in the dating phase with this guy [30M], but he is pressuring me to move into a relationship…

2020-02-12T19:25:23+00:00

I understand that a long gettting-to-know-you period is what you need, but it's also not the norm. I think most people feel like a relationship is either worth pursuing or not, by three months. If a woman wrote this about the reverse situation, we'd all be telling her to walk. That's likely what you can expect from this guy, as well, if you can't give him the relationship he needs.

In general, if this is something you need, I think you should be really upfront from the beginning, because it is unusual to want to date for six months, before committing, in your late twenties. At this point, many people are looking to settle down, and soon.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2020-02-13T15:00:26+00:00

dating someone consistently for 3 months is a kind of long time to not be considered a formal relationship.

I guess the best way to see whether you'd be interested in a relationship with him would be to just ask yourself if you would be ok with him currently sleeping with other women. If you would, cut him loose. If you wouldn't, I'd commit to him.

Also you could do the reverse. Are you still dating multiple men? If so what are you hoping to find in them that you aren't finding in him?

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2020-02-12T23:35:36+00:00

It doesn’t take 6-7 months to vet a partner. He’s going to feel like you’re not interested in a relationship with him and most likely move on. You should’ve vetted him in the first 3 months (especially since you’re seeing him every week). While relationships are our goal here, you aren’t stuck in a relationship. If you agree now and then in 3 months don’t think he’s passed your vetting, you are free to leave. Same amount of time is spent.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-02-12T18:22:05+00:00

I think you should move on. I think that he wants something you cant offer. I also think that he probably feels a little less wanted now. You basically told him that he wasn't relationship material. Most guys that say that they want a relationship don't want to go to tryouts to see if they can have one. For both of your sakes, pop smoke.

Silas1067 · 2020-02-12T19:48:39+00:00

This guy is 30 years old. He isn't a college kid who wants to play games and sleep around. He is ready to settle down and is being very selective right now--as he should be.

While I agree that you should take your time and properly vet any potential partners, I don't get this whole waiting 6-7 months thing? I met my future wife and was engaged to her within 8 months. We have been happily married for almost 20 years.

Your response to him demonstrated a serious lack of maturity, and I think that is what he was testing. I mean what does "seeing" a guy for 6-7 months even mean? Riding the CC until it is time to figure out what you want? Why is a 30 year old dude even going to be down with that, unless he is a player who has no intention on settling down.

If I dated a girl for 3 months, and everything was going great, and then I asked her if she wanted get more serious, and introduce some commitment into the picture, and she told me no, I would immediately dump her.

You are 28 years old, and you can't play games like this much longer. Not saying that to be mean--you really need to better analyze your situation

z0mb1equeen · 2020-02-13T02:27:10+00:00

You said you've been seeing each other once a week or once every couple of weeks. Do you think you haven't spent much quality time yet or that you haven't had the chance to know him that much? I feel that if you're hesitant there must be some reason for doubt other than telling yourself you need X amount of time. After all a relationship would just be a label and that you're now officially exclusive. Do you feel you want to see other people still?

LateralThinker13 · 2020-02-17T16:48:04+00:00

Dude is 30. He's ready to settle down. He's looking to move past dating, and into a relationship. Seems pretty reasonable.

What I sense from you is a lack of seriousness or intent to find a life partner. You're pre-wall and dating for fun; I didn't hear you allude to your biological clock ringing, so you're still on the dating carousel.

What I'm hearing is that he's ready to get off the carousel and be monogamous. And you're not.

something my therapist told me a couple of years back, which goes along “relationships can’t be negotiated, they have to be mutually decided on”

This is the kind of new-age bullshit that sets my hair on fire. Relationships can't be negotiated? WTF do you think a relationship is? COMPROMISE. Negotiations. Mutual decisions.

FFS, the dictionary definition of a mutual decision is where two parties NEGOTIATE their desires until they come to a mutually beneficial compromise. The phrase isn't even tautologically logical.

What you should do is decide if you want to keep playing around, or to grow up. If you're ready to grow up, negotiate the next step in your relationship. If you just want to play around, cut him loose so he can find a woman who DOES want to settle down. Don't string him along.

Title	I [28F] am in the dating phase with this guy [30M], but he is pressuring me to move into a relationship…
Author	RusGirl34
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	February 12, 2020 2:27 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/f2jur9/i_28f_am_in_the_dating_phase_with_this_guy_30m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-28f-am-in-the-dating-phase-with-this-guy-30m-but.332862 https://theredarchive.com/post/332862

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