Change My View: It's a net positive to society that "Successful" Women who Put off Marriage/Serious Relationships until their Late 20s/Early 30s Struggle to Find a "Successful" Man to Marry

GridReXX · 2020-03-20T18:01:31+00:00

So let me understand this.

You were a fat kid who self isolated and likely didn’t have decent social cues (probably not entirely your fault but still an unattractive trait to most ppl for relationships - platonic and romantic).

And you’re resentful that “women”’(sounds like you mean grade school and Hs girls) weren’t hopping on your dick?

I’m going to CYV by telling you to get over yourself. You sound entitled. And honestly it’s weird you’re in college wishing a fantasy of failure on women ten years older than you? Allegedly you’re in college and a high prize.

Furthermore I was a fat kid too. Guys didn’t love me until I lost some weight and got cool. And it never dawned on me to even have this level of resentment. Y’all are insecure asf and it’s clear your parents never affirmed you. It’s clear you didn’t have friends ever.

It sounds like you need a better personality. Do you have friends? You did all of that and relied solely on apps to swipe for women???? You didn’t idk grab some beers at any of the 100000000 social clubs in college? Play beer pong with peeps at a kickback??? This is how you get women and friends. By being social. I mean I had friends in nerdy ass high GPA coed academic frats who boasted all of the things you boasted but also hung out with ppl. That’s what attracts most women. Fun loving easing going guys who know how to be “successful” and sociable in groups.

Try that.

mangolover97 · 2020-03-20T17:56:36+00:00

Ok so TL;DR

Due to your discontent with the way you think things are for men in society, and your abhorrence at what you assume was the behavior of women post 30, you feel a spiteful vindication seeing the struggle to find mates and hopes it forces a social shift back to the “good old days” when women hitched their wagon to the first available man who seemed like he had real potential?

NarniaFox · 2020-03-20T17:51:11+00:00

It all boils up to the fact that the older you get the fewer options you have. Mostly because people get married, also because their baggage is growing and not everyone wants to deal with it. It affects mostly women because they usually don't date much younger guys and they expect more than a pretty face and a tight ass. Guys have no problems date much younger girls and their expectations are quite low anyway.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-03-20T17:49:18+00:00

Most men don’t go from zero to hero. Most men are normal and can attract girlfriends in their youth as well as in their thirties, so there’s no unhealthy resentment from a huge change in success. I can’t change your view, as your view is largely a personal opinion gained from an individual experience.

wekacuck · 2020-03-20T17:48:42+00:00

Do you think the struggle is true though? It sort of reeks of a variation on the "biological clock" which was a sexist myth created to discourage women when they began entering professional work.

It just seems like scared men telling scary stories around the campfire.

M0rtAuxRois · 2020-03-20T17:59:15+00:00

Men in their 30s don't get the same amount of attention as women in their 30s, lol. Women get more attention at any age than men.

A simple tinder experiment can prove this.

jigglypuff__0 · 2020-03-20T19:20:01+00:00

And yet the only women who will date you are the same “shallow”women who only want you for your looks and money. So all you have done is do what you can to join the game, not change it. You sit on your moralistic high horse trying to “punish” 30 year old women for living up their youth. This is all the more reason why women should do this.

Plenty of single women in their 30s were in LTRs that didn’t work. You probably don’t know this because you were a social out cast in your 20s but that’s the truth.

I can smell you bs from a mile away. You became everything you hate. Now you’re going to date the same 20 year olds you hated. Fuck them and date them and produce the same 30 year olds you complain about.

If you actually wanted genuine love you would get with a grown woman who doesn’t want you for you money. But you won’t cause thats not what men want. You want young naïve pussy. Get off your faux moral high horse and just own up to doing what everyone else is doing. Dating and living life.

2020-03-20T19:22:11+00:00

An intelligent woman can easily spot markers in a man that suggest he will be successful in the future.

So, either you're not as successful as you think or there were zero intelligent women around you, ever. Which is more probable?

Despite your scholastic and monetary circumstances (which is really just luck, as you've stated) social ability and charm is just as significant of a marker for success - if not more - because it comes from internal potency not external circumstances and luck. Social success requires an easy-going, nonresentful attitude towards life. You sound like an incel living the life of an otherwise outwardly successful man.

Women can sense that mindset from miles away because in the end it will destroy any short-term, external success you've come across. I don't have any advice of how to overcome your victim mentality, only that if you want to, you will.

I have a book recommendation if you can accept this criticism and do desire change.

Good luck.

passepar2t · 2020-03-20T19:26:08+00:00

Women in their 30s don't struggle nearly as much as people insist.

2020-03-20T19:45:12+00:00

I have a friend who was invisible to men until she hit 28. But then she got quite succesful with her hobby, became much cooler, hit the gym and haidresses, moved out and she suddenly started to be attractive to men, including a guy from our group who never showed interest in her before that. Should she be pissed at them for that? Or act as it's unfair that they didn't care about her for most of her life?

2020-03-20T19:55:28+00:00

Combined with a very good standardized test score, my GPA was just good enough to get me into a very good State University. Since my admission to college, I have personally thrived. Without all of the social pressures and bullying, my weight came easily off of me since I didn't use it as a coping mechanism anymore. It only took about a year for me to lose all of my excess weight (100+lbs) and reach my healthy goal weight. My grades skyrocketed, I'm now near the top of my class being an honors student and in a national honor society. I have a highly coveted position within my major's department at my school that pays impressively well for me being a student. And I also will be attending a Top 20 law school in the near future with a full ride scholarship. Within just 4 years of my life, I went from being a fat hopeless loser who barely made it into college, to an employed, intelligent, healthy weight man who easily placed into a top law school with a full ride.

i'm sorry but literally no one cares about any of this. none of this means anything in college lol. and ps, look around you, while you spent your youth fat and ugly being a loser thinking that built character, all the stacies and chads who partied and had fun and meaningful relationships when they were young are still at those exact same colleges because they understood the value of balance. you're still not going to end up ahead of them.

your "top 20 law school" is going to be filled with dudes who were banging girls and having fun the whole time. unattractive losers aren't the only dudes who grow up to be successful. you could have worked hard

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goatismycopilot · 2020-03-20T19:43:28+00:00

The whole men can work hard and do ABC to get XYZ and fortune favors the bold is one of the TRPish ideals that I find hopelessly naive. The playing field is not even. This whole post reads like a late night infomercial. Plus the OP has not graduated school yet he has not been tested he has not done this struggle in the marketplace he has no idea what the fuck he is talking about and is selling "himself" as success when he has accomplished nothing.

some-random-guy3 · 2020-03-20T22:27:29+00:00

Our protagonist finally comes along. The "Successful" career woman who didn't seek any kind of serious relationship during her early to mid 20s. Let's call her Susan. She was either into partying, hookups, or a serial monogamist who showed little commitment/effort, as she clearly had no time for relationships in her 20s. She sees the first round of successful men finally crossing the finish line and she barges to the front of the crowd and demands a partner from among them. But much to her surprise, none of the men want her. Why is this?

And how many of these career women are unmarried in their thirties? According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics the average marriage age for College Individuals is 26.5 years old. 90.0% of college educated women are married by age 46. And only 88% of men. So you are arguing against a minority of women.

I just absolutely resent the idea of being completely ignored by women up until the point where you are deemed "successful" by them.

So you're angry about being ignored by women, because you were, in fact, fat with low self esteem. So pretty much an undesireable dating prospect. Would you have really dated a fat ugly unsuccesful woman? I wouldn't have. Is it about sex or emotional commitment?

Knowing fully well that any mistake they make could land them back at that dreadful position of zero, and them having no worth to society. Their entire life is represented by a race of how much they can contribute to society, the very same society that would toss them aside to perish at a moment's notice if they didn't produce results.

Please specify. What do you mean by worth? Besides. Most men don't care that much. (College Education by gender). Only 34.6% of men have a college education. Most men are in fact pretty chill and don't race that much.

That is what consists of the average man's life up into his Late 20s/Early 30s. A story of trials and tribulations as he attempts to conquer life and "win" the race. A would be "successful" male spends this time studying, working, exercising, bettering himself. That is the only way to win this race for the average male. And guess what? They do win. Hard work DOES pay off, and these men become successful, have great educations, and great paying jobs.

And women don't study, work, and look after themselves in similar rates to men? They just get handed their biology or math degree by birth? They are staying thin and pretty by virtue of their gender? You think women "win" by doing nothing?

As for the rest of the men, they are already successful. They don't need someone else's income, they have their own. They are independent. Maybe they want some a** or tits for once in their lives? Maybe THEY want to be the ones who can sit back and hook up for a change. That doesn't leave a whole lot of room for Susan, who wants/needs a man to commit to her. Susan might have to wait until her mid to late 40s to get a successful man to commit once he has had his own "fun stage", but by then any prospects of biological children will largely be lost.

Women don't hook up for money. Only looks and personality, the same as men. If you only wanted to hook up you should have employed a better strategy. Yeah sucks for those women, but if you don't find a suitable partner, then you'll have to accept being single.

This is exactly why I think this struggle these career women face in their 30s is a good thing. Being aware of this is going to make them more likely to commit to men earlier in life, instead of just expecting the finished package to just fall into their laps like they are some princess.

So you are happy because of the misery of others? You can read their minds? They are all entitled?

Ill be completely honest this issue hits very close to home for me and isn't just ideological. I am a Male, and I personally have experienced both extremes of failure and success.

And you are the only one? I know a lot of women and men who didn't have it easy growing up. They had to prove their worth too. They are not half as bitter as you. Which class did you belong growing up? Out of curiosity. I really would like to know

I think that any social trend that makes this behavior less common is a good thing and promotes more equality and respect between the sexes. Change my view.

We can't change your view, if you are so vague. You made some unsupported statements with weak justifications. A lot of "woe is me". And then you concluded that early commitment is equality and leads to respect. You didn't explain why it leads to equality and respect. Or a net positive for society. On which factors do you decide that?

Whatever. Here is something quick. Some indications that a late marriage age, above 27(women) and 30(men) ,does indeed lead to a stronger marriage, and thus a benefit society. It was limited to one single city, but still better than what you wrote. Link

"We didn't find that marrying late was negative in terms of future subjective well-being. In fact, marrying late was better compared to marrying early."

And.

Those who married later did not appear to suffer from being "off time" or less normal than their peers, and were also able to acquire more education and higher-paying jobs—both indicators for greater long-term subjective well-being, said Johnson.

And.

Those who took their time walking down the aisle also had the advantage of maturity, and the self-knowledge that comes with it.

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