Summary: While juggling few chicks, new leads and trying to fit a lot of dates I've recently slipped... but thankfully only once.

 

I don't mean I've "slipped" inside a girl (that's a different story). I've slipped in my resolve not to prepare for dates. You should plan them but that's about it. And there are two reasons for that.

 

Don't Let Flakes Get To You

One of the reasons for not being overly concerned with the dates is that a significant fraction of them will never take place. Either you or her will cancel the date. In other words - there will be a flake.

The best tip that helps you shrug off the flakes is to have alternative plans and/or alternative dates (double booking). Always be busy, always have something you will be working on in case you suddenly get an extra free evening.

That could be your hobby, your side business, extra workout session, book you've never found time to read, a beer with your friends or even an evening with a regular girl who you booty call. But no matter what you choose don't just sit at your home staring at the wall drinking all by yourself. It's an opportunity, not a tragedy.

The feeling of disappointment usually doesn't come from flaking. It comes from overinvestment in the preparations and trying too hard. Most things aren't going to be a deciding factor. Yes, it's better to have a clean apartment but unless it's a total mess she won't even notice it. Being late few minutes is not a big deal and it never was. And so on...

Some guys have it even worse. They're trying to impress the girl.

 

The Fallacy Of Cool First Date

There is a small trend going on a the (in)famous Polish pickup forums suggesting that you should blow the girl away with your super cool first date. Like taking her on a motorbike to a shooting range and then to a nearby secluded hill to have a romantic picnic while watching a sunset. But what does this approach tells her?

If the girl is really into you and down to fuck - she'll see it as romantic and jump you right after you arrive at the hill. In that scenario you don't need any of this, you could've just brought her right home. Ride would be enough.

However, if she's not that into you - which is majority of the girls - you'll be seen as a try hard. You're investing far too much. You're creating a complicated scenario with many pitfalls. Also it's something which isn't easily repeatable giving you less chances to refine your date plan.

Especially if it's a first date it screams "I'm not doing this very often". It's impossible to try so hard for every girl which means you either did all that just for her (putting her on a pedestal) or you don't date that much (which is equally bad). Not the message you want to put across.

And given all the planning and preparation required you'll definitely be disappointed when she flakes. Just... don't.

 

Lessons (re)learned:

  • Plan your dates, have the end goal in mind. But do not overprepare.
  • Girls flake. It's natural and expected.
  • Do not try hard to impress the girl. Especially on the first date.
  • On your road to improvement simple, repeatable and easy to improve plans are you friends.

 

This is a edited post from my daygame blog where you can find more such tips.