What has always interested, puzzled, confused, shocked me about women is how so many of them are never fucking happy. No matter how good things are....there’s always a problem. Always some hassle. Always something wrong.

I ordered a pizza last night. Went to pick it up. This pizza place is pretty popular in my little town and at dinner time they are obviously a bit busy.

I get to the place and before I go in to get my pizza, I have to send a quick email to someone at work. So I’m standing outside the door working on my phone. As I’m almost finished, I look up and there’s a woman walking across the lot to the pizza place.

You can just tell this woman is a bitch. She’s got that certain walk. She’s got the resting bitch face turned up to 11. You can just tell by everything about her that she’s a woman in middle management and she is to be respected, God damn it!

So I go into the pizza place right behind her. She goes up to the counter, announces her name and that she’s here to pick up her pizza.

The girl at the counter turns around and the guy making the pizza is just pulling it out of the oven and says I’m just taking it out now.

The girl at the counter says “it’s just coming out right now.”

The bitchy woman heaves a huge sigh, mutters “of course” under her breath and rolls her eyes.

The counter girl is sort of shocked and offers to ring the woman out. The woman gets even more huffy but proceeds to hand over her credit card.

Literally while the transaction was going through, the man from the back brought her pizza out.

So she experienced ZERO delay. Instead of getting her pizza and paying, she paid and got her pizza. The time required for both of these scenarios to play out was exactly the same. She was just pissed off the pizza wasn’t waiting for her the SECOND she arrived at the counter.

She takes her pizza and bitch walks out.

I get to the counter and the girl and I exchange this knowing look like “what the fuck was that all about?!”

So I get the same story with my order....pizza is just coming out of the oven.

So in a mocking tone, I huff and puff and sigh and complain that this is absolutely unacceptable.

The pizza girl laughs and I laugh and I comment how this is excellent because I have just received literally the freshest possible pizza. It’s literally right out of the oven. How could it possible have gone any better?

That’s exactly what happened to the bitchy woman. But she wasn’t satisfied.

Because they never are.