Why do men test you/ your frame?

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April 12, 2020
122 upvotes

Alright so i’m from a dangerous area of Brazil, alot of gang fights and wars around here.

My friend circle also consists of drug dealers/criminals So when there is a party or some other shit i will most likely meet other criminals etc.

The thing is whenever i meet new guys, they almost always test me/ others. Jokingly but also insulting they say shit were you can act as a beta or alpha.

What i noticed is in my younger years when i was not that aware of this shit and acted/responded beta they would pick on me more and more. Going as far as pointing a gun at me.

Compared to these guys im the biggest beta from heart.

But now since i learned how to play the game, this shit doesn’t happen anymore.

For example, i met a dangerous gang member/og who has cut people with machetes (which i didn’t know at the time or sure i would acted like a pussy) when this dude insulted/joked i did the same thing to him pretty much not giving a fuck. And that day we were pretty much good with each other.

Why do guys test you? And why are you more respected/good when you don’t give a fuck and jokingly insult them back etc?


Post Information
Title Why do men test you/ your frame?
Author Axorasi
Upvotes 122
Comments 67
Date 12 April 2020 01:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/418647
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fzwlim/why_do_men_test_you_your_frame/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 199 points200 points  (8 children) | Copy

It's obvious. They want to know where you stand in the hierachy.

[–]walt_sobchak6954 points55 points  (7 children) | Copy

Word up. No different than a wolf pack snarling at each other. They want to see who will back down & who will fight back, to determine their place in the pack. Now correlate that to your story. If you hadn't talked shit back, busted balls etc; they would have seen you as lower ranking, beta. Because you did, they respect you as an equal.

This shit is hardwired in our genes over 1000s of years of evolution. Even though modern civilization makes it unnecessary, it's still there - just deeply submerged in the subconscious mind.

[–]fretty5557 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Of course this is true naturally, but do you guys think we're really playing by the rules and its fair if guns and weapons come into the picture? Is the one holding the gun really alpha?

[–]Standgrounding4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Situation wise, probably yes.

However an alpha does not necessarily need a gun to establish dominance

[–]iwviw2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women do that too. They poke at you to see your reaction

[–]MrAnderzon13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think they call it a shit test

[–]iwviw5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh yea I’ve heard if that

[–]LordTutanKhamon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

But what if you reply aggressively? Like standing up, hands on the table leaning on “what the fuck did you just say to me?”

I think this type of escalation could lead to the guy taking out his gun, to once again test how Alfa you are.

You don’t back down “oh you’re powerful with that gun in your hand you pussy?”

Ok then, he puts away his gun, takes off his shirt and it’s no more bullshit. Time to fight, you and me amigo.

Now you’re fucked. Semi normal guy vs gang member you’re in for the beating of your life.

You pause for a second, then you start laughing. “I was just clowning man ahah whatcha think I get all worked up for that shit?”

What do the think now? That you’re a pussy and you’re backing up? Will they take it you were ducking around? Will they accept it and most importantly will that behavior be approved?

[–]walt_sobchak695 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well its a fine line, dude. As long as a dudes not on the Spectrum, he should be able to recognize the different between busting balls, and a legitimate fight.

But demarcating that fine line is the whole point. You're trying to demonstrate that you're not going to let yourself be intimidated, shook by anyone. Think Joe Pesci/ Liotta clown scene in Goodfellas. It's a staring contest, who blinks 1st...

[–]OfficerWade96 points97 points  (2 children) | Copy

Its not just in Brazil, its in your job, at home, your relationships. Thats what Shakespeare was telling everyone about. All the worlds a stage and all the men and women are merely players.

[–]imjustaman9349 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, this should be the number 1 reply. The whole world is just one big shit test.

[–]Vloneturtle6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree on this one. Even tho gang related relationships are different. But shit testing is everywhere.

[–]Rkingpin93 points94 points  (6 children) | Copy

Because these types of men cannot afford to have pussies along for their wild rides.

The testing is a filtering process in that regard.

You should write a detailed field report of red pill in action in your environment sounds interesting

[–]RahLyt19 points20 points  (5 children) | Copy

Nah is not that deep, they are not thinking that far ahead.

[–]Rkingpin48 points49 points  (4 children) | Copy

A lot of behaviours are sub conscious

[–]RahLyt17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

True but growing up in a similar environment, most of the times they're not even testing people, they're displaying dominance, I think it's away of feeling safe and how you respond determines your level of risk.

[–]Pluglord13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

The general goal is to see if you’re a pussy or not. Not all dudes do this to display dominance.

[–]RahLyt6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you're from the hood and when you leave that environment you quickly realise alot of the behaviours you had were just so you looked "hard" to others. Its not something you do on purpose at all, it's just that from the time someone smells a hint of pussy from you. You will be the target of others to get bullied on so they can show how tough they are.

The general goal is to see if you’re a pussy or not. Not all dudes do this to display dominance.

Generally we have an idea who is pussy or not (even though it can be really wrong) so there would be no point of testing someone toughness when you can pay the price, they won't try to see if the guy with the face tat and bullet wounds is a pussy. They will tease the one who had a big mouth but look like his compensating for something.

Other times it's just ego, someone with same levels of confidence as you just rubs you the wrong way so you test him to show you're still the big dog in town.

[–]Pluglord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m talking about busting balls here. I assumed that’s what op was referring to, not acting hard or tough, that’s a different dynamic.

[–]imjustaman9334 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

As you grow older, you realise that the whole fucking world is just one big shit test. Men women, doesn't matter.

[–]QuinlanBothese6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy

We size each other up to see who's the most competent and confident to lead and we follow him. Especially in the army this is a big deal. You don't wanna be led by somebody who's weak and incompetent when death is around the corner. Listening to somebody who's already been in the warzone can have a major impact on your survival.

[–]mrrooftops11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

The poorer the area you are the more you are just tested on physicality, the richer the area you are the more you are tested on things like mental stability, social networking acumen and educational provenance which are all exponential value amplifiers. You can see that one gets in the way of another because you only have finite resources to dedicate to mastering whatever your environment values.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You can see that one gets in the way of another

elaborate please

[–]Payanasius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can never be as street as a true street person.

It's like how the Romans would just hire steppe nomads to form entire cavalry regiments. Training a soldier can only do so much. A steppe nomad lives and breathes cavalry warfare from a young age. So they just hired them instead.

You cant be a rapper, a pro golfer, and a neurosurgeon.

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you have experience of integrating into both cultures then you'll understand. I don't have the time to spoon feed but this British sketch may give you a glimmer of understanding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlfLmP7JMQQ

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ah

[–]Str8_Pillin7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

“You have to define your group. You need to define who is in and who is out, and you need to identify potential threats. You need to create a maintain some sort of safe zone around the perimeter of your group. Everyone will have to contribute to the group’s survival in some way unless the group agrees to protect and feed someone who can’t contribute due to age or illness. For those who can work, you’ll need to decide who does what, based on what they are good at, who works well together, and what makes the most practical sense.”

The Way Of Men - Jack Donovan

[–]empatheticapathetic2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. Maybe I should read that. Always heard about it.

[–]jjbwrams123423 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy

First of all you need to stop involving in those types of people and if its not possible then, living the area is the best option. Because now your playing the shit testing game with those people, later you'll not hesitate to pick up a machete or do a drug deal or some shit(thats how people end up doing things, believe me) . And we dont want to even thing about where it might fucking end for you if you found your self going to that path. The red pill thing here is to find good people, get good hobbies find a good job or a business and get a cute girl for yourself.

[–]bitesizechicken7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very true. I imagine red pill applies all too well to that kind of world.

[–]Payanasius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. I had a similar experience growing up. Hes probably just not cut out to be that degenerate. Hes too good for that trash rabble, you can tell by how he writes and thinks

OP. Get out of there.

[–]LilLoserFreny0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Might be hard to do where his located tho

[–]VigilantSmartbomb5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It also depends on what hierarchy they’re testing you for too.

There’s the general hierarchy, and then there’s hierarchies of trust, understanding, and team playing. Especially in gangs.

If the head of your soccer team kicks the ball at you so fast that you only have two options either get welted with the ball, or conduct yourself concisely in the moment on the fly with your current skill set.

Okay great you deflected the ball and gained control of it? Now the team captain can trust you with more duties.

Now in the similar way, that “of” can trust you to the extent you’re at least not a narc or won’t narc on the shit that’s been talked about thus far and he may or may not give you a place in his kingdom.

Point is, there’s only one upper hand usually, the feeder hand. If the feeder can trust you, you might take up the reigns one day if you don’t steal them first, but basically I do this.

There’s tons of dudes who don’t care to be alpha or beta they just exist, recruit them - they don’t mind / are asking to be a part of something if it’s great. Providing for the people more than the next guy and need help? Recruit one of these guys- have a big soccer game coming up? Recruit one who stopped the ball. Got a big land turf dispute coming up? Bring the new guy who stood up to your shit test.

When the cards are down and it’s crew against crew , you gonna pick a beta or an alpha?

We needa know who you are- and this could be from lack of talking on your part cause they’re trying to find more out about you — big maybe there tho

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I also live in a favela here in Brasil (and can speak english yes, some favela study programs actually work I've been studying for free since very young), and know exactly what you're talking about. I think growing up here helped me realize I need to keep my frame and shit way before I got to know about TRP

[–]4LW4YS0NG34R0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thats nice, i always wondered if there was fellow brazilian comrades here in the red pill.

[–]LeEbinConchShell4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

simply put, men only respect men who appear to respect themselves. if you look/act like a pussy, you're gonna get treated like one

[–]Folknust3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Heirarchy.

[–]empatheticapathetic2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

To me it seems like they need to know where you are in the hierarchy so they have a better understanding of how to look out for their better interests in case something happens.

There are multiple possibilities: is he a snitch? is he acting weird? if so what could that mean? is he police, rival gang member etc. Is he going to get in the way? Does he understand who we are? Is he chill? Is he gonna run out the room to the cops as soon as someone starts dealing?

They can determine a general idea of who you are and whether you are trustworthy/a threat/a liability within this interaction.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alright so i’m from a dangerous area of Brazil, alot of gang fights and wars around here.

Move.

My friend circle also consists of drug dealers/criminals

This never ends well. Drug dealers and thugs don't have real friends. They have bitches, and they have accomplices whom they almost inevitably later try to fuck like their bitches. And if you don't play ball a lot of times they take it pretty fucking personally.

So when there is a party or some other shit i will most likely meet other criminals etc.

Stop partying with lowlife scum.

The thing is whenever i meet new guys, they almost always test me/ others.

Busting Balls is an ancient masculine tradition as old as the invention of the fire ring. Man up or shut up.

Nobody respects weak defensive men. Nobody wants to trust someone like that to have their back when a pack of hyenas shows up.

Roast them back, jokingly. Stop giving a fuck.

What i noticed is in my younger years when i was not that aware of this shit and acted/responded beta they would pick on me more and more.

Until you toughened up, stood up for yourself, and stopped acting chickenshit scared and oblivious.

Going as far as pointing a gun at me.

These guys taught you a lesson many men these days do not have the privilege of learning. You can't be weak and stupid when looking death in the face, but don't try to be a hero either.

Compared to these guys im the biggest beta from heart.

Iron Rule of Thomassi #9. Never Self-Deprecate Under Any Circumstances.

You thought this was a good place to Self-Deprecate. It wasn't.

But now since i learned how to play the game, this shit doesn’t happen anymore.

You stopped acting like a pussy. Nobody likes a pussy.

For example, i met a dangerous gang member/og who has cut people with machetes (which i didn’t know at the time or sure i would acted like a pussy) when this dude insulted/joked i did the same thing to him pretty much not giving a fuck. And that day we were pretty much good with each other.

There are two types of people in the world. Wolves and lambs. The wolf does not allow lambs into his pack. The wolf fucking knocks the lamb over and eats it's liver while it struggles.

[–]chattanoogacat10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lol there isn’t a single person here who can remotely relate to your situation/environment

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

wrong, Im from a brazilian favela as well

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What’s your monthly income? In USD?

[–]Standgrounding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If he sells drugs...

[–]vlone694 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hangout with other people, unless you really enjoy these people or some shit. These people are not getting rich and are in the pointless business of selling drugs and being criminals, they won’t make it out, neither will you if you stick around.

They will test you and passing those tests won’t add any value to your life so why are you hanging around them ?

[–]QuinlanBothese1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True you the reflection of the people you surround yourself with get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

[–]Reasonable-Echidna2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominance_hierarchy

Though nowadays we know the so called "Betas" and "Alphas" both have their value in society.

A virtuous "alpha" won't test or disdain other people, he respects everybody.

If I may suggest, Op, do what you can to get out of there.

Edit: also check this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMdeDsonuqI

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]empatheticapathetic-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol yeah he's asking why.

[–]strainer1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't challenge these people if you don't have anything to back it up with, I've seen a lot of people act tough towards criminals to maintain frame and just get blasted.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

People who live in negativity, work in negativity. If they are the opposite of welcoming and open, aka fear, paranoid, egotistical, why think they'd act any different?

[–]ForeverImproving1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think of it this way. If you can't handle my little shit tests that are just verbal how can I trust you with some other things that I might need of you. If you are weak to break under small pressure how will you then crumble under big one? I don't need someone that will back off when shit hits the fan therefore the shit-tests.

[–]SpiderAlpha331 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Frame tests from other men are a lot of fun to deal with. It's best to take them with a pinch of salt. The best part about frame tests are knowing that the game is being played. Most people are oblivious to the fact that the game is being actively played and either take the test personally or retaliate in unskillful ways. In both cases, you fail. Just see it in a light hearted way and cruise out of it.

[–]Pacheko173 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao, why doesn't Bolsonaro just send the death squads there? Your criminal friends should be six feet under by now.

Thank God for being born in Santa Catarina.

[–]Micmarr0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]Micmarr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Proof-Fortune0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe this is their meaning of fun , picking on the weak

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yikes dude get out of there. Go to school or college or something. This situation you’re in won’t lead to anywhere good.

[–]Lalocal4life0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They lack any tangible success or achievement to feel secure in their own minds, so they are seeking to diminish others so they can convince themselves that they are not irrelevant.

You choose where to spend your free time. You can spend it around criminals or ambitious individuals in ANY creative field. Success is contagious for overachievers!

[–]Theowawayjustforu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I doubt you'd get chopped up with a machete for making a joke or insult back.

[–]BlueIowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro I saw you on theync! You guys are all alphas. Tudo dois! Pasa nada!

[–]krusecontrol910 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

If someone tries to have a dick measuring contest with you just whip it out bro. It's no homo they asked for it. I'm sure the dudes chick is gonna gawk anyway and you might have a leg up at the end of the night

[–]Monkitail0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don’t think you know your audience here

[–]krusecontrol910 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Oh lighten up I thought you’d laugh. Man Rodney danger field was right no one gets any respect these days yanno? If we played hide and seek you wouldn’t even try to find me. Just no respect.

He died 20 years before I arrived so inb4 some autist calls me a boomer

[–]Monkitail0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I meant I dont think you realize most people here have very small penii and its probably safer for them to leave it in their pants

[–]krusecontrol910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know I’m giving you a hard time cheers bro

[–]bigdudecfc-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the damn SIDEBAR



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