Writing a book for the community.

Say that ten times fast. This story is short for obvious reasons. Obvious reasons meaning that I am too tired and hopped up on schnapps and tiny chocolate covered peanuts to type a longer story. Just kidding, I don’t drink. I do love tiny chocolate covered peanuts though.

Idealization Imagine you are dating a woman. You spend time with her, laugh, smile, and you are just a gaggle of silly fun-loving f*cks together. You are hittin’ it regularly and it is so good you think your cock is going to fall off. She frequently wants to blow you. Her pussy tastes like peaches, she always is dressed up and looks hot. You showed your homeboys pictures of her and they agree, she is a hot piece of ass. She always says the right thing, is coy and seductive, and there is something hypnotic about her. She frequently tells you that no one has every understood her like you do. She has been abused by so many men in previous relationships and she is happy to know that you won’t do the same. She tells you how hot you are, how good your dick is, how smart you are, and your ego grows to the size of Rosie O’ Donnell’s gut. BIG AND WANTING MORE.

She wants all of your time. She texts you Good Morning☺ every day, continues to text you throughout the day, and wants to see you at night. You become the center of the her world. She keeps giving you more. You get hooked on that shit. This hot piece of ass wants to keep f*cking me? Sign me up! You tell her you dated southern women in the past and she becomes exactly that. Tell her you want a homegrown honey, she will buy cowboy boots and cook you biscuits and gravy naked while wearing a cowboy hat.

You begin seeing her more often and she wants to know if you are willing to be in a monogamous relationship with her. You are about 3 months in. You agree and you are “exclusive.” In this stage you will start to feel a little funny feeling in your stomach. That is your instinct and it is right. Something is a little off, but because your ego is getting bigger and you got the good feels going, you ignore it. Rosie is hungry!

She then tells you about her previous relationship. He was so abusive. He was controlling. He used drugs. He cheated on her. He called her fat, so she started religiously counting calories (eating disorder). This is where she brings up her past. You tell yourself you must have been feeling this funny feeling because she was just scared or insecure about dating. AHAH! That’s why she was acting odd. You feel so sorry for her. This is your opportunity to comfort her. This is where she continues to tell you that you are the most amazing man ever. She will inject you with ego boosting juice only available to Chuck Norris himself. Where did she get that stash? Damn girl… You special. Okay, back to the story.

You go on this romantic date together a week later, she looks you in the eyes and says, “I love you.” You reply with, “I love you too.” You get the warm fuzzies in your tummy and that hit of dopamine that makes you feel accepted. You are thinking, “This is the best pussy I have ever gotten, I can’t f*ck this one up.” You drop her off at her house after the date around 1:00 am, look so deeply into her eyes, and she says “I love you,” again, followed by:

“I have never felt so strongly for someone like this before. I wish I wasn’t so tired, I would ask you to come inside, ” with a cheeky smile on her face. “I only want you, and only you.” You kiss her and she leaves the car to walk into her house. She fiddles with her keys a bit and looks back at you with that same smile. She walks in the door and you scream “JACKPOT!” in your head. You start thinking about what she looks in a wedding dress, how many kids you want to have with her, and many other things. You also start thinking about that pussy and those hot tits. You can’t wait to hit it again. Blowjobs for days! You drive home feeling like a million bucks. You put on your favorite Tiesto song and cruise. You are on top of the world. You are doing one of those beta movie scenes where the dude is dancing down the street after a date. Think of Eddie Murphy in Coming To America. To be loved!

In the meantime, here is what she is doing.

She gets into her house and for 5 minutes, she is thinking about you and how much she has the feels for you. Then… She gets a text message from Julio, a guy she has been talking to on Tinder. Julio is a total shithead. He has been in and out of jail, has a kid with another woman, is divorced, and does not work. She swiped right while she was waiting for you to pick her up for dinner. Julio: “Hey baby. Come over and suck this cock of mine. It is ready for you.” She responds, “OMG! Hey Julio. How are you?” Julio: “Okay, I’d be better if you came over here and sucked my cock.” Her: “Lol, okay. Gimme a few mins ☺.”

She then texts you saying “I had such a great night baby. I love you so much☺” on her way to suck Julio’s dick. You are still basking in happiness while she is getting the meat tube. My brother, this is all normal in the BPD mind. This is predictable behavior with a BPD woman. After she f*cks him, she will go home and rationalize it in her mind and feel absolutely no guilt. Her: I really didn’t like the shirt he (you) was wearing tonight. Ew. It looked tacky. I need to be with somebody who knows how to dress well. This is how simple her cheating justifications can be.

She will continue to f*ck Julio and many other men in the duration of this relationship. This will all be justified by her distorted view of you day by day. She loves you, she hates you.

A few months later, you continue to see her and notice something is off. She is not f*cking you as often and seems very occupied with everything but you. She will have many excuses including feeling fat, period, tired, not in the mood, etc. These are all excuses and it is very likely she is beginning the discard phase. She will alternate between giving you attention and ignoring you as much as you allow it. You will keep coming back for more carrots because those carrots are fresher than an nun’s pussy on Sunday morning.

Devaluation You begin questioning your sanity. Have I changed? Is that why she is acting like this? I can do better! You frequently try to talk to her about things, but her time and patience for you is diminished. Why is she treating me differently? Small arguments will ensue for which she is never to blame. Once you begin to catch onto her shitty behavior and begin to see she may have a problem, the conversation is instantly redirected. Somewhere you know you are not crazy and she is. Brother, that is your instinct. It is your God given right and biological gift. It is very often right. Listen to it. The more you expose the hidden monster of a self she has so carefully cloaked behind the most perfect upstanding woman ever, the more the devaluation sets in. These things are often not explicitly stated but are sent through a series of psychological abuse tactics. She may not yell at you but she will start to pull out more devious tactics such as:

Redirecting: You confront her on something and the subject instantly changes. If you pay attention closely, you can see her dissociate from reality when you see her attempting to redirect. She will bring up something tangential and to you, it will be very odd and absurd, but to her this is what normal reality is.

Gaslighting: The denial of saying something, actions, transgressions, or events that happened. You begin questioning reality because when you speak up about something, to her, it never happened. You begin to wonder if it did happen or are you going crazy. Best way I can explain it; If you throw a live frog into boiling water, it will jump out to safety. If you put a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly turn the temperature to a boil, the frog will remain in the pot and die. You are the frog. She is the water being brought to a boil.

Suppression: She will strategically suppress you voice. This will be done through the combination of all of tactics listed here.

Projection: You will be accused of cheating, looking at other women, being insecure, and other deviant behaviors. This is merely what she is actually feeling, and then projecting it onto you. When you are accused of something or called something, this is what she is feeling.

Splitting: After a great night out with her you are driving up to drop her off and you tell her you had a great night. She says she did too. You mention to her that you are tired and have work at 6 am and you need to go home and sleep. She smiles and says, “okay baby.” Then she gets into her house and she keeps telling herself how much of an asshole you are for not coming in. She worked so hard at looking so good tonight and you did not come in. You made her feel terrible! It must be because you are cheating on her! You are now an asshole and she is mad at you. Maybe she is going to call Julio up for the meat tube. Yes brother, this is her “logic.”

Shame: She is never wrong. You are responsible for her unhappiness. You are blamed and shamed until you submit.

Victimhood: She will never really apologize for anything. If she says she is sorry, it will sound like this. No accountability will ever be held by her. “I am sorry you were hurt by what I said.” “I am sorry you feel that way.” “I am sorry that you can’t handle this.”

The things she once loved about you, she now hates. You find evidence that she is cheating on you, and you are the bad guy for finding out. Someone tells you she is cheating and you are the bad guy for believing that person. Someone call her phone at 3 am while you are sleeping next to her and you ask her who it was. You are the bad guy for asking who it was. BPDs are incredibly sick individuals. If she is involved with your immediate family, it is very likely she has held the façade with them to. Your family may encourage you to stay with her. This is only because you are the one who has been poisoned and they still think that mixture of happy juice is poison free and peachy. She is splitting on you, like she did on the abusive man in her past. Odds are, that man went through the same process as you.

Discard Things begin to dissipate and she will likely act more shitty than she already has been so you will break up with her. This is because although she loves you/hates you, she is terrified of abandonment. If she breaks up with you, she cannot be the victim. This is very important in her narrative. This is not to say that they don’t initiate breakups, but it is very common they will not break up unless they have Julio (or any other guy for that matter) in the idealization phase. Make sense? Not logically, but in her convoluted world it makes perfect sense.

Repeat If it is any consolation, this will happen to Julio too. He will be discarded after she finds another guy. She will continue to cock juggle. This is part of the sickness brother. The sickest part is that they believe it is all valid. They also believe there is nothing wrong with them. They live a façade to escape from the inner turmoil they will not take the responsibility for treating. After the breakup she will post pictures of her and Julio online. She will tell all of her friends how abusive you were to her. Julio is her savior. She may continue to text you to see if you are still under her spell. Do not respond. Do not engage. She is hoovering. There is another tactic I coined I have not seen before but I call it pinging.

Pinging is when very minimal contact is attempted by a BPD woman to see if you still believe her narrative. This validates her reality. Somewhere deep inside of her, she needs to know that her narrative is engrained into your brain, because then she can tell herself that her reality was valid. DO NOT respond. Pinging will be done in a variety of forms. The most common is text messaging. It will sound innocent, but it is not. It is sickly pathological. She may attempt to reach you on social media, calling, through friends, through family members, etc. Do not engage. I once had a call from my ex’s brother. He called me to see if I was “okay” and to inform me that I was no longer needed to stand up at his wedding. DUH. This was her manipulating her brother into calling me for some bullshit reason so she could see if she could ping me. I am happy her brother knew she was a sick puppy. He felt sorry. I should have listened to him when he told me that he has watched all of his sister’s relationship crash and burn. I have a feeling he is going to be reading this one day because he married a BPD, gold digging, wacko. If you are reading this man, get out. She is only after your money.

5/23: Editing for formatting.

5/24: I've hosted this on a website. There will be many more chapters!

http://www.bookofbrother.com