I'm sat here angry and upset. Angry at her, but even more so angry at myself.

I met my ex LTR (24f) 2 and a half years ago on POF at a local bar with the intention of banging her and ghosting as she was someone at my workplaces relative, with me and my colleagues all agreeing it would be a funny story. We met, drank and had a good time, ending up at her friends house, making out but not having sex because she didn't want to have "a bad name" at my work. Time went by and we met on and off, sleeping together a few weeks in and just hanging out, I had a few plates and was still in the military so wasn't looking to settle yet.

Red flags began to pop up as she told me how she had slept with around 30 guys (roughly same bang number as me) and how she used to have 3/4 day drug binges all the time when she was younger. We started dating casually but I made sure not to get too invested, hearing more stories about how her much much older exes used to play her around, and more tales about her sucking off her married friend for a joke and sleeping with her friends boyfriend once.

At this point I was still lifting, getting female attention, hanging out with friends, working hard, having a good social life and hobbies, and still concerned about her past.

Next thing we were moving in together, as I was just leaving the military and didn't fancy moving back home to the middle of nowhere, near my family. Things were going okay, I was never too clingy or showed beta-comfort behaviour, and her friends would always flirt with with me or tell her how attractive I was, and it was clear my LTR knew that I held the power, sex was average though and whilst she would do oral and other things, it was not as spontaneous as I was used to in other relationships, which frustrated me slightly considering how she used to be a slut before she met me.

We started arguing more and more about little stuff, me not affectionate enough, her not learning to drive or being independent enough, her being messy and not pulling her weight around the house. I tried to convince her to come and start working out with me and to take up new hobbies but she would rather go out and get black out drunk with her friends all the time.

I never worried about cheating however, at danger of saying she was "different TM". If I was ever out with my buddies and I would spot her on the dance floor without her knowing I was there, she would swerve guys and shut them down constantly, not flirting or accepting drinks. Loyalty was probably her main plus point. On the odd occasion I would check her phone there would be nothing to be concerned about.

Next chapter, I proposed. Despite her faults, I loved her, she was funny and kind and I could see a future, I still didn't put up with any of her shit and whilst we still had the odd argument, I was comfortable knowing that if we broke up I would come out on top. I suffered a period of anxiety and depression during this time (unrelated to relationship), and whilst I wasn't at my peak I was still working on myself and not being a beta bitch.

Next up was the engagement party last month, what a fucking treat that was, we barely spoke to each other and had a big bust up which ended up her trashing the house and going to live with her mum. I didn't beg and plead and she crawled back the next day. This is when the doubts seriously started crawling in. We kept having talks trying to sort shit out, and agreed to try and make it work. I was still getting attention from other women and working on myself, building back up from my little mental issue.

We went on holiday 2 weeks ago, which went alright, apart from her getting blind piss drunk one night. After our return home she went on a work night out (surrounded by her beta orbiters) and in the morning woke me up saying she wanted to go to her mum's again. I didn't fight or beg again, I told her I agree. We met up last week and decided to call it off, as we both just felt no connection anymore, just like brother and sister. She even said she never looks at me and wants to tear my clothes off which got under my skin, although I didn't show it. she came to pick up her stuff a few days later and that was that.

I downloaded tinder and POF straight away to begin finding plates, and began throwing myself more into my social life, lifting and hobbies. I have slept with two girls since last week but strangely I feel like there is a big hole in my life right now. I even miss her, as toxic as we were together. I always thought if we broke up I would get straight over it, with her being clingy and trying to contact me. Complete opposite. She's being going out 3 times a week with her whore friends, drinking and doing drugs till midday, putting up pictures of her with guys from work hanging out, I've seen her on tinder and POF already.

I shouldn't be so annoyed as I am doing the exact same, but I feel fucking pissed off and played. The woman who was obsessed with me and was ready to be my wife has gone back to her old ways in less than 2 weeks, hasn't tried to speak to me once. I feel so much worse than I thought I would, it sounds horrible but I want her to be at her house crying and moping about, not having fun.

I should have called it off months ago when I still had the upper hand, or just plated her from the start. All I can think off is her fucking other guys whilst I'm just miserable as fuck. Why do I feel this way? I keep looking at all the stuff she's left at the house and the old photos, hoping that she will message me so I can ignore her and feel superior, pathetic. Onwards and upwards I guess.

Tldr, even a girl who agrees to marry you and appears to be obssessed with you, will branch swing and turn back into a whore as soon as you break up.