So as I've made clear, I'm married. Went out recently with some friends of mine to a bar and, with our wedding rings on and while essentially announcing to every girl we met our marital status...we still made off with the phone numbers of the two prettiest girls in the bar that night.

But...my little black book has dwindled recently, and this girl was the first girl I added to it in a while.

So, naturally. I fuck it up. How? Well...TECHNICALLY it was because I lowered my value by using texting to hold a conversation rather than to work out logistics for when we could get together to have a REAL conversation (i.e. with our words and our bodies).

So that's what I DID that was wrong.

But I noticed, as I was doing it, that I knew I was doing something wrong, but I felt...blind to what it was. My NEED to turn THIS one into something, to make THIS one happen, seemed to blind me to the obvious reality of what my actions were communicating, but I felt genuinely powerless to stop myself. The need was too great. The pool of prospects was too small.

I'm in sales, and I notice this in my field as well. A large, robust pipeline is key to closing deals. Part of you might think "no, I just need the client with the right needs" but you would be wrong. It's about YOU. YOU need to have the right ENERGY, which stems from a mindset. And I think that when you're not actually in a position of abundance, it's really, really, really hard to fake that. I'm sure it's not impossible, but it really is quite hard.

Likewise, if your pool of female prospects is too small, with too little REAL talent, then you really can't HELP but care too much. You can't HELP but text too much. To text too soon. To text too long. To give away your power.

Some have argued it's because you're horny, and to maybe even rub one out before hitting on girls to avoid it, even going so far as to put guys like no fappers on blast and claim what they're doing is stupid, but I completely disagree. Horniness isn't the cause. The way I acted toward this girl tonight, I still would have acted had I just blown a load in my wife minutes earlier. The Coolidge Effect sees to that. It's not being horny that's the problem, it's having ONE person, or only a COUPLE people as your main source of variety. You need to know there are a lot of interested girls you can contact, and when you know that's the case, you don't make these kinds of mistakes.

Here are some rules I always tell friends to live by and yet, I still struggle at times to live by myself:

  1. After getting a girl's phone number, immediately send a text referencing something you talked about or did along with your name, in case she forgets to put it in her phone (I did not do this, and then faced the dreaded "who is this?" to start our conversation)

  2. After that initial text, wait 2-3 days before texting again in order to appear popular/important/busy/non-needy, etc (I didn't do this. I couldn't make myself wait. I was too excited about her. It had been too long and I had too few other options).

  3. Keep your texts shorter than hers, and wait just as long if not longer to respond as she does (didn't do this. Got too excited every time my phone vibrated, and I jumped all over it).

  4. Keep chit chat to a minimum. Use texting for scheduling a meet-up only (obviously didn't do that. we were texting for like two hours straight. bad move)

  5. Keep her wondering about your interest level. Especially if you're married (also I always recommend revealing as soon as possible that you're married--greatly reduces your risk of her telling your wife after you have sex with her). Remember, women love validation, and as soon as they know they have you, their interest fades. if you give them a plausible reason you want to hang out with them that is NOT "so I can give you the D" they will actually be more receptive to the D when you do hang out (I didn't even offer a time/place to hang out. I never even got there. I don't know what the fuck I was doing).

  6. Have plans in mind, and invite her to join you in those plans. Don't come up with something to do for her specifically. Have something you were already going to do. This does a couple things: A. it makes you seem more exciting and interesting, and B. it helps mask the extent of your interest (I didn't do this. Hell, I didn't even do the other thing. I did nothing. Now that I think about it, I fucking just texted her...just to talk! Only women and beta pussies do that, boys. Don't fucking do that).

Anyway, I know WHAT i did, but I really think the REASON I did it, the reason I almost felt I couldn't help it--like I simply couldn't see another way...was because of a current lack of actual abundance. Experience abundance, and your mentality naturally follows. If you don't have abundance, you're gonna have a hard time faking it.

In sales, you gotta make the calls. With women, you need to approach. Approach, approach, approach. Fill up that black book. Fill up that pipeline. And it will come naturally to you. (I realize the dynamic tinder creates is different but I'm married so I don't use Tinder so...approach).

*After further thought, my title sucks ass. It should read "Abundance mentality is a lot easier when you actually have something in abundance. Not impossible to fake it, but it's much easier when it's just simply true."