Here's something I want you guys to visualize:

So we're at this summer barbecue and you're starving. You haven't eaten all day. I'm a world-class chef and I'm at the grill, cooking up some burgers for everyone. The burgers are almost ready and it smells GOOOOOOD. Your mouth is watering. The good news is that the first batch should be done any minute now. The bad news is that I have about 10-12 close friends sitting at their own large table who are ahead of your table in the queue. But the OTHER good news is that it shouldn't take long for the second batch to reach your own table (which is full of guys who came later like you).

As I'm grilling, I keep turning around and talking about how I have the best burger recipe in the world and that if you don't eat them, you're missing out. It might actually be true as I'm a world-renowned chef and all who you've actually heard talked about.

Annnnndddd... THEY'RE DONE! The first batch of burgers is ready.

Most of them look normal,

...some don't look good at all, and don't interest you,

...BUT a good amount of them look mouth-wateringly SPECTACULAR!

HEY! Your burgers are already done and are being loaded on a tray! I bring the tray to your table and tell you to enjoy! You can't wait! You notice that just like with the first table, some of the more aggressive guys are going for the best burgers. You already missed the opportunity for the best of the best, but there are a few good ones left and you grab one as fast as you can! The taste is truly unlike anything you've ever had. You want to savor it, so you take small bites. After about 5 or 6 mini-bites, you're feeling a little strange. You feel dizzy and tired. Maybe you've just gone too long without food. You take another bite and you're feeling worse. Now your stomach feels really queasy.

What's going on???

You put down your burger and start thinking that maybe you got a bad burger or something. You put the burger back on the tray (there's no plates) and you drink some water. You already feel back to normal. You pick up another burger from the tray. Wait, this one looks even better than the first one! How did you miss it? You bite into it and it tastes way better and fresher than the last one. Clearly there was something wrong with the last one, but everything's all better now.

Oh no! This one took longer, but you're feeling sick again! You don't even bother trying anymore. You put the burger back on the tray and drink water again. What is wrong with these burgers? You're hungry and you seem to have bad luck with picking burgers.

You look at the other table (the first table) and you see people still eating, so maybe it's just your batch. You also just realized that they haven't been saying anything and aren't really as lively as they were before. They're not even looking at each other. They're just looking around. Some of them seem to be done eating and are just drinking water.

You're about to try one more burger and one of the guys from the first table tells you to come over to the first table. You get up and go. He asks you what's wrong and says that you look a bit upset. You tell him that you tried 2 of the burgers and they made you feel sick. He tells you not to say it to too many of the other guys, but I (the chef) mixed some of the fresh ground beef in with old rotten ground beef because I didn't have enough. You're shocked.

He goes on and says that I put most of the rotten ground beef in the delicious, mouth-watering burgers. The normal burgers have some, but generally not as much (with some exceptions). The ugly burgers are actually mostly fresh because I made them first, but they still have a little bit of the spoiled beef in them. Maybe a couple of the ugly burgers have so little that it might not bother you, but they taste absolutely terrible.

Wait a second. If these guys know it, why are some of them still eating the burgers? He says that some are so hungry that they're finding a burger they can "stomach" and just pushing through. Others like the taste of the top burgers so much that they're just chewing them up and spitting them back out in the bushes (which sounds weird, but they did taste amazing). And a few of them are just drinking water because they don't want that crap in their mouth at all.

You're absolutely disgusted, but those burgers taste so good. They really were better than anything you've tasted in your life, no exaggeration.

So, do you:

A. Go hungry.

B. Chew but don't actually eat the best-tasting burgers (most will understand).

C. Just find one of the plain or completely unappetizing burgers that are at least a little off, but not as bad as the better-tasting ones and hope that you don't get sick.

D. Try one of the now stale, bitter, post-wall burgers at the first table's tray that have already been man-handled, bitten, enjoyed, slobbered over, and eventually put back by several Chads who tasted them but wouldn't eat them.

Go!