Y'all will enjoy (hate) this one.

After high school, my older sister bounced around to a few colleges and eventually landed in Portland, OR. We are originally from the Midwest. She got into a couple different relationships out there, but eventually settled down with this guy we will call "T." T and my sister met at a short film festival -- they are both into the performing arts scene in Portland (admittedly, I don't know shit about this, all of them are fuckin' weirdies by my book). They date for a few years, and I eventually get to know T after visiting a couple of times.

On one of these trips, I learned that T had had a severe organ failure while he was younger which required a transplant. After a few years it had become a manageable condition for him, but of course I'm slightly skeptical when I learn this. It seems like a major health issue for my sister to deal with in a long term relationship. In any case, I like T and I also like my sister so I just forget about it. A few years later they decide to get married and the planning begins. "They" decide to have the wedding at a resort in Canada -- I'm still not entirely sure that this was a cooperative decision on the part of the couple, but again I pay no mind to this at the time.

My folks get me a flight and a hotel room for the week of the wedding and I arrive with no issues; brought some gear to do some hiking and other outdoor stuff which I enjoy. Everything is shaping up to be massively expensive, however. I'd estimate expenses for me to take this trip by myself would have been in excess of $5k. Multiply that by 100 guests and you get the idea. Monster wedding. The food is ridiculous, and there's like 5 days of over-the-top gourmet meals around the clock. At some point I overhear a discussion between my dad and T's dad. They're talking about expenses and who is going to cover what dinner and so on. I don't really remember what was said. Mind you there are about 3 dinners other than the official dinner that had 20+ guests in a resort town. With drinks. Ooof.

The ceremony is quite beautiful, and I'm in my sister's wedding party (?). Why I agreed to do this I don't understand, should've just stayed out of it and remained comfortable doing my own thing for the week. I made the mistake of caring; I'm sure a lot of us have done this. Mostly could have done without the bridezilla photo session, Jesus.

Fast forward a couple months and my sister and T are living in T's parents' house, while T's parents moved out and downsized. It's a nice house relatively close to the major urban area. T's parents are forced to sell the house in order to cover their asses; I have to think that major wedding expenses also came in to play here. My sister and T move out and get an apartment and live there for a while. T loses his job due to some workplace politics, and becomes depressed. This becomes an ongoing source of tension for the couple.

A year or so later, I'm at my younger brother's football game with my dad and he informs me that my sister has sent an email about getting a divorce. She cites financial issues, that T hadn't contributed (or wasn't contributing) enough for them to have the lifestyle that she wanted. My dad and I talk openly about it; it was apparently an ongoing issue that I wasn't aware of due to my sister's lack of communication with me. I don't ask her shit, and she's not offering the information up. So it seems abrupt, and I'm fairly well under the belief that it's complete superficiality on her part.

A couple weeks after I hear the news, I head back to my hometown to help my mom recover from a major operation (my mom helped me after a shoulder surgery, so I felt I owed her). My sister had also travelled to town (by herself). I'm just there to be helpful and try to enjoy myself at the same time; I bring my dog and some other stuff to do. It quickly becomes apparent that my sister is only looking out for herself as far as day to day tasks went; e.g. going to the grocery store and getting only things she likes, refusing to help our mom with physical therapy exercises, refusing to walk family dog, and so forth. The divorce issue is hanging in the air.

Things boil over one day after we eat the dinner that I prepared. I'm in the sink doing the dishes, and my sister walks over and jacks the faucet to get herself a glass of water. She's much smaller than me, but tries to bump me out of the way while doing it. I call her out immediately. "What are you doing?" sort of thing, "Can't you see what I'm doing here?" Then I call her out on all the other bullshit she had been up to that week, and tell her she's being selfish. She starts to have a meltdown, and my mom gives me a look that says "dude watch the fuck out." My sister starts laying into me, accusing me of being mad that she's getting a divorce and asking questions about what I thought about it.

I just sit there and avoid reacting to it, she storms off after essentially throwing a tantrum and then leaves the next day. No further discussion on the matter.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

  1. The foreign wedding extravaganza likely caused severe financial damage to T and his family, lessening their ability to help support the couple with daily living.
  2. My sister is extremely selfish and makes poor decisions both in day to day life and long term.
  3. My parents have been absolute saints to put up with this crap and say nothing.
  4. If my sister doesn't want to be helpful to me or our parents in the future, I want nothing to do with her.

Meanwhile, I'm in graduate school and have women telling me they *need* to have kids within the next 5 years. No. Fucking. Way.

I'll wait until I'm 50, or not and die happy.