I hope my story will be useful to some of you. I'm writing this because I'm in so much pain and I'm hoping I'll feel better after writing/talking about it.

TL;DR: Nice girl turned into cold-hearted domineering cunt. I'm feeling like death and I don't know what to do.

I've had a normal number of girlfriends and sexual partners. I broke off all of them after various periods for similar reasons; lying, cheating, stealing and dishonesty. After a long sequence of betrayals, plus carefully observing my female friends and family, I was already sympathetic with MGTOW and extremely cautious of women. Despite this, five years ago I thought I'd found my NAWALT, and so begins the most painful lesson of my life so far.

I met a lonely, unattractive and unique girl with whom I had everything in common. We were best friends for 6 months or so before we got together. She was submissive, innocent and humble. An ideal wife by nature, I was her first kiss and her first sexual partner. It couldn't have seemed more perfect; I assumed I'd found a woman uncorrupted by the toxic culture of female empowerment and hypergamy, so my hopes were high.

After a year of dating, we moved in together. She got a crappy job while I was getting a degree. She was obsessive about work and she began to drop all her hobbies, choosing to sleep and watch TV instead of playing games or drawing. Over the course of a few years, she slowly lost the capacity to talk or care about anything outside work. Despite this, she was cute and loving, and she provided me with care and comfort, so I tolerated her degenerating personality. She wanted to marry -- I refused because I know how messed up the institution of marriage is, and I knew better than to trust a woman fully. Thank God for that...

The real problems started when she got a new job as a low-level manager. Her personality changed radically. She became mean-spirited, masculine and competitive. She started talking in a deeper, louder voice. Her constant complaining about work turned to constant bragging about how she'd bully her subordinates. She started drinking, stopped sleeping, and became more physically and mentally ill with each passing day. As her personality changed, she became an unreliable, uncaring and obnoxious partner.

Then, a few months ago, she started talking to a mutual friend: a suicidally depressed pushover who, unlike me, would listen to her brag and agree or validate everything she had to say. I was up-front about the fact that her work life was mundane and uninteresting, and I told her outright that her bragging was disturbing and pathological. I'd guess that this caused her to resent me.

One day she decided to spend the day with him, without me. I refused unconditionally to let this happen. Following this, she started to treat me badly. I tried to open up a dialogue about how she was feeling. For 3 days she refused to talk about this problem. On the third day, I gave her a choice: Talk or leave. She left, changed her number, deleted her social media, and I haven't heard from her since.

This transpired a few weeks ago. As you'd expect, I'm feeling terrible. I haven't been eating and I've lost interest in my hobbies. I didn't love her, so I am not heartbroken; rather, I'm lonely, sad and overwhelmed with fear, as my future has been cast into chaos/uncertainty. I have no idea how to regulate my emotions without having a gf to comfort me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, but my attempts to make sense of her disordered identity all fall at the same hurdle; whenever she was stressed or tired, she'd revert into the innocent, sweet, childlike girl I fell in love with. She'd be selfless and caring in one hour, but arrogant and abusive in the next. This has left me devastatingly confused and wracked with guilt, as despite knowing very well how unreliable and shallow women can be, I am stuck blaming myself for being uncaring, or lazy, or insufficient.

After 5+ relationships with abusive, lying, morally bankrupt whores, I believe the right choice is to give up on relationships, but I don't know if I can do it. I've never known comfort and happiness like she gave me. I don't know if I can be happy alone. I'm not making any decisions yet, as mental health is fucked right now, but I would appreciate any input, perspective, encouragement, whatever.

PS - Thank fucking God I had the sense not to marry or have kids with her. Distrust of women really saved my ass.