Hey gents,

Live in Thailand and been dating my LTR for about 10 months now. We're both 26.

Part of my LTR vetting process involved snooping her phone. Might call this beta but if I'm gonna LTR then everything is game.

Everything checked out, except for one thing. I found she has a forum account and basically has posts talking about her entire life from her teenage to present, even our current relationship. This gave me a complete view of her life. I read all of her postings and naturally found red flags.

One of the posts she made about 3 years ago before meeting me was about her first and only relationship. TLDR: both were 16 year olds, he approached her and she was so happy as he was good looking, he cheated on her and they broke up. Afterwards basically he would text her every week for a NSA blowjob, she couldn't refuse as she "liked" him. This continues for 6 months till the boy moves away. At one point they even met up for sex but the boy backed out. She tried getting back with him for the next 3 years but it didn't work out as the boy moved to another country and was a "asshole". He would still try hitting her up and basically sext her over Facebook. She eventually just gave up at the end of high school and moved on.

That was details from her forum posts.

Later posts describes how she wasn't able to date anyone casually or otherwise at all because of that incident. That she was used as a "piece of meat" by that boy and would have dreams of the boy for years to come. The boy left such a mental impression that from what I understand she was alpha widowed at 16, kept dreaming about the boy, all her friends knew, etc. And lost faith over men completely (doesn't help that I found another post about her father's drinking and gambling problems) (another red flag).

Another post from last year (one month before we met) described how she is a virgin and how she doesn't feel any connection with any of the guys her parents and friends introduce her. She basically lost all hope in pursuing anything and she may as well just have sex for the need of it now, so she started to message guys just for casual sex/FWB type by asking what their sexual preferences are and if they are DTF. Most of them she had no connections after the first date and for some distance was an issue.

Basically she was about to jump on the CC but then she met me. I've been following TRP since the early days and that sub really gave me the guidance I never had, she was DTF the first day, after I flirted with her for about 2 weeks beforehand via text.

And guess what, she even made a post about me too.

Her recent post talks about how we met and how she lost her virginity to me, how much of "manly man" I am, my body, height, bratty nature, charm, humour, etc. She even talked how she stopped seeing that 16 year boy in her dreams and that she now sees me. Lol. I can go on with the self-bragging but I'll stop.

Early on she did tell me she had a short 3 month relationship with that boy who cheated on her 10 years ago and she told me she never went beyond kisses with him. She completely withheld the NSA BJs part and lied to me when I did jokingly ask how her BJs are so good when blowing me, lmao (trust your gut gents!). If it weren't for the forum posts I would not have known nor she had any plans to tell me. She also trickle truth'd me by telling me she only had a platonic hang out with a guy while in reality she liked the guy but he wasn't willing to travel to her as a FWB.

Now, in my mind, I know she is alpha widowed and would have rode the CC hard, at the same time I see her recent posts on how happy she is, and "fortunate" to find someone like me. How "he could be the best thing to ever have happened to me", etc. (from her forum posts) and her willingness to do anything to please me.

Ignoring the above, the relationship is solid. She cooks for me, despite her being a broke ass student tries her best to split dates, goes out of her way in seeing me (travelled 2 hours every week to see me in another city I travelled to for work for over a month, yes I paid her bus fare but being crammed for 2 hours next to chain smokers isn't worth the $20 fare that I paid). Sex is on tap, does anything I say, and so far fulfilled my darkest sexual fantasies willingly and eagerly. She's the right amount of clingy, feminine and even wants me to meet her parents, family and friends. Completely submissive. She also supports my mission and learnt about a hereditary disease I have a couple months back and hasn't changed one bit.

Her recent forum posts of hers really shows how much this relationship with me means to her and how she's finally able to get over that 10 year prior relationship.

But I cannot shake off the feeling that I might be the chump here, to me the whole NSA BJ part shows her lack of character. And that fact she was down for multiple FWB/casual sex encounters and stopped just because of logistics before meeting me (AWALT). If she was plate than I would not have cared at all. Add to the fact her friend didn't know she was giving her BF a BJ, it is also betrayal of her friendship. It was at 16, and she regrets it in her posts, but it affected her deeply and she recently even brought up to me how she sees the boy in her dreams, so there's that too. Don't really blame her lack of father figure either given what I read about him on her forum posts (gambled his way into debts and a drinking problem).

At the same time I wonder if there's anything else she is hiding.

I already started mentally withdrawing my feelings. It did caught me off guard and it did hurt me like a bitch (oneitis).

Since this was a LTR, I'm going to start plating other girls once this lockdown ends and eventually give her the "I don't feel it anymore" talk. My only worry is that this would probably break her for good and that she probably won't ever pair bond after this. I'll just alpha widow her as well repeating the cycle. Any tips for lessening the damage?

At the same time I'm the type of guy that wants an LTR (despite all the warnings against it), I feel like like I have a good thing with her, but know I'm the prize and can score something even better. I realize I jumped the gun and didn't vet this as much I should have for an LTR.

Based on what I wrote, can anyone talk some sense into me? Whether my plan is right or am I overreacting? I do know I'm possessive and my beta tendencies from my college days do emerge every now and then so want a third party RP perspective.

Cheers