New and looking for help

teaandtalk · 2020-05-08T21:53:01+00:00

Don't recommend it to him, not for a long time. Honestly, maybe never. Don't try to change HIM, just work on yourself. He may respond terribly, don't do it. Don't even talk about what you're doing/changing, just do it...quietly.

Asking him about his day is fine - but don't push if he's not talking.

It's okay to want comfort, and your husband is one of the right people to give it to you. I'm sorry about your mom, that must be really tough. Be vulnerable - tell him you're struggling, tell him you need hugs, tell him that he makes you feel better, etc. It's okay.

vough · 2020-05-09T00:22:18+00:00

A big RPW value is being a soft place to Land for your man. Emotionally nagging gets you no where. You have to genuinely listen. It can’t be about you and your wants all the time.

Magicallypeanut · 2020-05-09T18:54:55+00:00

I'm kind of in the same place as you in regards to your plan. As others mentioned, don't try to change him, change yourself. This sounds really weird but follow me for a second. You want to make the change in the relationship. Okay, cool. RPW discusses how if you let yourself fall into a more traditional role, it will bring out more of his traditional role. This can possibly sync up the relationship again bringing you both closer. It's not perfect but that's how I understand it to be. That being said, let yourself become more traditional over time. He should naturally reciprocate without noticing. It sounds a little manipulative, because it kind of is, but just do it slowly and quietly over time. (A man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck and can turn the head anyway she pleases-per my grandma about a happy marriage, she's kinda right).

I just started late last month. I did small things to start. When we'd take the dogs for walks, I would listen more than I talked. He wouldn't shut up :) I am more mindful of letting him talk more in general and not interrupting (one VERY big complaint). I ask fewer questions/make fewer comments but the questions/comments I do make are stronger and more evident of fully listening. He's now consistently talking more and we are communicating better.

I started cleaning better and maintaining the house better overall. He's now cleaning up after himself more and is more willing to do things around the house. He's taking the trash to the curb more often. He's making calls to handle things I've only had to ask 1-3 times to do (before it would take WEEKS and I'd end up dealing with it). He's taking on more responsibility for these things.

I'm stepping back from being alpha female to his alpha male. We aren't subconsciously competing with each other as much anymore. because I'm stepping back a bit, he's filling the space. It's been 2? weeks and I'm already noticing things.

I've also decided to be more sexually available. I'm not turning him down as much without good reason (period, illness, work, etc). It's not a "I'm forcing myself to have sex" it's more of a "I don't have a reason to not have sex." Maybe initiate it every so often. Men feel loved when they are desired sexually (or so I'm told) so go desire him.

You obviously care enough about him and your relationship to make changes so just start slowly but don't tell him. Let him notice it and then mention it. "Oh, I thought I'd make some self-improvement changes and I thought taking on a more traditional role might be a good thing. What do you think? Do you like the changes?" Boom, dialogue now opened up. Express what you'd like to see (don't demand) and what you're enjoying about it.

timeforstretchpants · 2020-05-08T19:16:23+00:00

How far are you in your 30 day plan? Get that really underway and let him see how you change before you say anything.

36trombones · 2020-05-08T21:57:17+00:00

I dont know the specifics of your situation so it's hard to say. Your post talks about self-improvement but also sounds like you're really wanting your husband to change -- at least, that's the message I get when you ask how you can make recommendations and suggestions to him.

Maybe if you added more info the ladies here could help more.

Best of luck to you and your family -- I hope your mother makes a full recovery.

901735 · 2020-05-09T13:07:06+00:00

I bought myself the recommended books and created a 30 day plan for self improvement.

I'm inclined to say that 30 days for self improvement is somewhat like doing makeup instead of going to the gym for a year (a decent daily workout throughout the whole life, really).

2020-05-20T14:13:11+00:00

just be yourself

Title	New and looking for help
Author	feefyefoeflie
Upvotes	10
Comments	15
Date	May 8, 2020 6:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/gfysza/new_and_looking_for_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/new-and-looking-for-help.662070 https://theredarchive.com/post/662070

Comments