Why 'playing hard to get' may actually work - aka why our tactics work!

Muffcakelord · 2020-06-09T14:08:10+00:00

Shouldn't need to spoon feed people like this to make them understand something as simple and intuitive as this but at least now we've got some semi scientific proof for the pickmeishas and incels

justanotherdumpling · 2020-06-09T20:03:06+00:00

I don’t play “hard to get” because it feeds into this weird mentality men have of only wanting women who seem pure and don’t want them, plus it becomes a time consuming game of it’s own. I just don’t think about men or do anything extreme to impress them, and prioritize my goals first.

turkeytumors · 2020-06-09T18:14:04+00:00

My boyfriend chased me for years, missed me when he moved to a different country, and kept my photo there framed on his desk. We were not even dating anymore and didn't always talk during this time. The photo is there still, on his desk in a family members house. Some day we will visit that country, he says, we will get some of his belongings, including the photo, and bring it back with us. He thinks it's cute that the photo will be back in the country where it began.

Unfortunately now that he has me, he does not have the same enthusiasm about me. I don't want to leave. I want him to love me and be attracted to me, which he is. But I want him to still feel happy about it and excited to see me and wake up with me.

namelson3005 · 2020-06-10T00:57:02+00:00

The logic is simple: let's imagine you raise a kid. You give them everything they want, the way they want and the moment they want. When they ask for something and you say no, everything you give them turns useless. They beg for the thing you didn't give them.

But when you raise a kid and you don't give them everything they want, every little special thing you give them turns to be the coolest thing ever. And maybe, they will even clean your bathroom or wash the plates in your house, just so they can convince you they deserve the thing they asked for.

jewdiful · 2020-06-14T07:45:18+00:00

I’ve changed my entire thinking on this. It’s about whether you value yourself or not — a person who values themselves (knows their own worth) isn’t going to let someone “in” without earning it. You let someone get to know you incrementally as they prove themselves. We should all see ourselves as someone another person would be lucky to have as a friend, a partner, family member, coworker - in our lives in any capacity. Because we invest in improving ourselves, in learning growing and overcoming, in being the best person we can. We make the world light up around us.

So when we meet a man we like, we aren’t going to just jump up and immediately give him trust and loyalty. He’s gotta prove his own worth too. That’s why confident men are so attractive to women. The “bad boy” stereotype is a distorted view of this process — it’s easy to mistake arrogance for confidence until you get to know better. It’s easy to mistake “hard to get” with “knows their value and vets people first” until you develop a strong intrinsic sense of self-worth (as a man, as a woman, it goes both ways).

PLAYING hard to get is fake. BEING hard to get is what we really should be after. We should be happy being single unless someone really worth it comes along. Because to attach to someone in a relationship does require “giving up” some things. Being happily single is the ultimate freedom, so we shouldn’t be giving up that freedom for just anyone. Only someone who slowly over time proves that they’re worth it, and this can come across as “playing hard to get” if you don’t know any better. And I think that’s the mentality that is very attractive to both sexes!

Title	Why 'playing hard to get' may actually work - aka why our tactics work!
Author	plutunic
Upvotes	55
Comments	12
Date	June 9, 2020 10:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gzklen/why_playing_hard_to_get_may_actually_work_aka_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-playing-hard-to-get-may-actually-work-aka-why.674112 https://theredarchive.com/post/674112

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