So basically, my ex boyfriend was a major LVM. For our first date we went halves on a pack of beer (which I hate) and sat in a park, then had sex (at his uni flat). Our relationship did not ever get much better than that (which I know I allowed), he was an alcoholic, depressed, regularly was late or slept through any plans that weren’t in his bedroom, never bought me a drink or showed me off publicly, yet begged me for a relationship so I wouldn’t be with anyone else. Anyway, at the beginning of our ‘dating’, another guy asked me out, and I went on a date with him. I was a major Pickmeisha and felt so bad about this that I didn’t really give the guy a chance, even though he took me to some amazing places and offered to pay for things.

Long story short, the other guy is now my boyfriend. In December I saw the error of my ways and because my now bf was still interested, ended things with my ex and started taking things slow with my current bf. Things with my boyfriend are amazing, and he constantly reminds me not to accept the bare minimum.

The problem is I formed trauma bonds with my ex. Anyone who’s had a history of abuse might know what I mean - I found it so easy to open up to him and felt a familiarly I rarely do with others because we’d both experienced similar things. The difference was he didn’t seem to learn anything from it. Despite breaking up with him I felt such a pain from ending things, not because of HIM - he’s a dickhead - but because of the trauma bonds. A lot of people I talk to would say that this means I don’t really love my boyfriend, but I do, I rarely ever think about my ex except when I’m already sad and thinking about previous abuse.

He made a tweet about me and a friend told me, stating that I emotionally cheated and have donkey brains. This was because I was friends with my current bf (even though we rarely talked bc I was so consumed with my ex). He accused me of going on secret dates with him and said I used him as an emotional crutch. He was also jealous of my female friendships and accused my mother, family and friends of changing my opinion on him.

How do I not be mad? This is the stage I’m stuck on. I know these LVM view the world as though they’re always right. I’m not going to contact him but part of me wants to rant at him and every other man who is like this. During our relationship he made me feel so small, left bruises on my body and compared me to his exes. I went to so many lengths to be the opposite and he still has the nerve to portray me in this way. How do I be at peace with this and get this anger out of my head? Part of me feels like it’s true and I was wrong and doubts my own authenticity. I know this is bc of manipulation but really, I just want him out of my life. I can’t talk about this with my bf because I know that’s inappropriate and I can’t talk about it with my family and friends because I feel they’d be disappointed in me for still caring.TIA queens :)