I (26) have been seeing this guy (26) for about two months and we live an hour apart. He is a farmer and cannot freely leave his animals, and I’m a working student. Our visits require a lot of forethought and the relationship is moving slowly. Something stupid has happened and I feel like I’ve lost control of the dynamic.

Last week I bought a train ticket to see him, but the plans fell through. I had to change the ticket to avoid losing my money, which was something he didn’t seem to understand. Eventually we settle on a new date. We go on to repeat this situation three times— the same ticket being being moved around. He has actually traveled to see me in between those dates, but I still have this ticket hanging in the balance. Each time we reschedule I pay an admin fee and usually have to move shifts at work. This last time that it happened, I asked him for a new date and the conversation turned sexual. I lost control and never even got an answer. At this point I feel like I look very available and very eager. I ended up choosing a new date on my own, and this ticket is non refundable. I haven’t even told him yet because I dont know how to without showing my anger or looking like a pest.

This guy is making efforts to plan visits outside of the train ticket but that isn’t the issue— I need set dates and time to plan. He has made comments in the past implying he thinks I have money that I do not have. Things like this stress me out, and in the process of chasing this train ticket, I’ve had to move work shifts. No matter where a man lives, dating is a big time investment for me. He seems oblivious and I do not want my efforts to be misread. At this point I’m ready to forfeit my money just to avoid that possibility. He is great in person but he is terrible on the phone and it’s derailing our dynamic.