"Why I'm Giving Up Dating Men and Just Staying Home" A bit old but still relevant

RiteWriter · 2020-08-16T03:38:21+00:00

Exactly

“My distress wasn’t merely about having been rejected, though that was part of it. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded.”

This is the exact male bullshit I am completely over. Does not matter if you are casual or wanting marriage or something between... you bend yourself... and this is still the issue... male avoidance and lack of accountability. One convo where you are intellectually and emotionally available and it is solved, but no.

basedbecky · 2020-08-16T04:35:00+00:00

I treat looking for a partner the same way I am looking for a couch: I am looking for the perfect fit. It doesn't need to be the biggest, fanciest, most expensive couch, but I am looking for one that's well-proportioned to my living room, which is upholstered nicely, which is perfectly comfortable, and which sits me and my loved ones when we hang out.

I don't want one that's just fine - one which is bulky, or hard to clean, or hard to style around, or which feels a little stiff after a few hours, or which clashes with the rest of my stuff. It doesn't make my life better, it doesn't enhance my home, and ultimately I'll get sick of it quickly.

I don't want the filthy one from the kerbside with broken springs, a nest of roaches and tatty, stained coverings. It's not only going to be uncomfortable and preclude me from having people over - it's going to be a liability that reduces my quality of life.

The market responds to my consumer choices: if fewer people buy clunky lounge suites, or ones with ugly and hard-to-launder fabric upholstery, they will stop making them.

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-16T06:28:28+00:00

"She finds men are failing at baseline tasks like keeping plans, remembering birthdays and adequately acknowledging her existence in public. These men see themselves as allies of feminism, yet they engage in low-level gaslighting when she lays out boundaries about her emotional needs, acting like being half-decent is an imposition.

God, this hit me so, so hard. These men act like expecting the bare minimum is 'high maintenance' and 'needy' and treat going out of their way for you like a fucking chore. My Dad builds furniture for my house without me even having to ask, my Mom is constantly buying me things to make my day-to-day life easier and calls me just to chat and see how my day is going, and they always get me the sweetest little gifts when they go on holiday. Me female friends will cook dinner for me, drive me places, buy me the most thoughtful, lovely gifts, make fun social plans and perform emotional labor.

And guess what? They do all these things unconditionally.

And men can't even be bothered to plan a first date.

honeybeeroll · 2020-08-16T08:48:56+00:00

I never read this before, what a great article. The softboy fuckboy trophy KILLED me 😂 one of my besties is going to die when I tell her about that lmfao.

What I loved most about this article and what I haven't seen particularly articulated elsewhere was "Even if a guy treats you poorly,” she says, “they often come back to you wanting you to reassure them that they’re still good people." I dont think I've quite experienced this, perhaps with my last ex? But man it sounds like a lot of women have had. And it sounds exactly like the behavior of millennial men, at their core they believe they are entitled to be coddled.

This really resonated with me tho: "do you, do your work, and don’t give a f-ck about men." I decided this a few months ago, tho not so aggressively, it was more "eh, I have no desire to date /shrug"

It must be this combined w/ having a better job + having so much more time because I work from home, but I feel better than I have in a couple years (which is when I started worrying about having a relationship, cue hurting other people and ruining my life!)

I made a joke about moving to the alps recently, and a friend was like "do it" I said "where do you meet rich Swiss guys with a chateau in the alps? I've decided that's the only kind of guy I'll leave my house for" And honestly...i wasn't really joking.

Only thing a man could give me that I can't get myself or from other relationships is the experience of being super rich lol. Go ahead and call me a gold digger, why should I be ashamed that I'd only date, or God forbid marry, a man for his money 🤷🏼‍♀️? Men have no shame about how they marry women bc they're hot, low maintenance, do all the housework, emotional labor, and mental load. Men have no shame that they will do anything to get sex out of women, or about their inability to be functioning adults (the guy from the article who RAN AWAY LMFAO). Being a gold digger sounds like an even exchange to me for what I'll bring into his life 💅🏻

(disclaimer to all the lurkers no my views do not represent FDS as a whole, FDS is not about how to find a guy who owns a Swiss chateau. And also mansion on the Mediterranean lol)

OrchidLion · 2020-08-16T04:34:05+00:00

This is why you never have sex with them before marriage.

They will manipulate you however way they possibly can to get sex.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-16T06:35:25+00:00

This article gave me life. I also sent it to my mom.

0kfornow · 2020-08-16T07:19:10+00:00

Yes me too. They take too much and give too little and it's completely expected in our society. I say no.

goatismycopilot · 2020-08-16T10:13:47+00:00

She does mention friends hooking up and being disappointed so women especially in their 20's who want a serious relationship with potential for marriage do not need to give up on men. They have to exit relationships sooner when it is obvious needs are not being met and stop hooking up. A lot of women stay in half assed relationships for months or years hoping for some miracle moment. You have to take risks if you want a relationship and open the door for a few people to discover who they are but if you don't like it you can shut that door. Dating is like having houseguests it is your place tell them to leave if they are trashing shit and behaving badly.

Title	"Why I'm Giving Up Dating Men and Just Staying Home" A bit old but still relevant
Author	MalloryDame
Upvotes	100
Comments	10
Date	August 16, 2020 12:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iaiios/why_im_giving_up_dating_men_and_just_staying_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-im-giving-up-dating-men-and-just-staying-home.68250 https://theredarchive.com/post/68250

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