Ladies, please share your experiences when following FDS and similar strategies

Skittleschild02 · 2020-02-09T14:56:13+00:00

Actually, it’s helping my confidence. I use to be a super pick me & nice girl. I was setting aside my own comfort to please others. Meanwhile, I’m standing off to the side, setting myself fire on to keep them warm.

I’ve stopped it. (I did have a pick me moment but thankfully, the members on encouraged me.) I’ve started to say no when I’m not interested in what’s suggested or not comfortable with.

The guidelines have made me happier. Plus, I am okay with being single. My goal in life isn’t to be super wifey. I wanna achieve other things in life. Travel more often, buy my first home, create my super herd of wiener dogs, & etc.

riseaboveagain · 2020-02-09T17:00:37+00:00

My love life has been stable lately, but I recently applied FDS principles to my non-romantic life. I’ve stepped up to deal with the sudden severe illness of both my elderly parents, who I am not particularly close to. Family members who have not been involved have been offering unhelpful and sometimes downright hurtful advice. Other family members have made ridiculous demands and requests for my parent’s, who are fairly wealthy, cars and furniture. My parents are still alive and none of these people really have any right to anything.

I’ve been running myself ragged and becoming extremely stressed out trying to be “nice” to everyone. One day, I woke up and realized that, like dating, WHY AM I CONTINUING TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS THAT HARM ME?

It is not worth a few shared holiday meals a year to accommodate family who do not have my best interests at heart. I stopped replying to their texts and calls, stood up for myself, and have been making my own decisions without their influence. The result has been much peace of mind, and the satisfaction of doing what I believe to be right for my parents.

A few family members changed their tune have been supportive, and the rest? Like a bad boyfriend, who needs them.

Sarahthegreen · 2020-02-09T15:26:46+00:00

Back in the 1990s, The Rules spared me from further bad relationships. They didn't get me good ones, because I had to do a lot of work on myself, but they definitely helped me set healthier boundaries. I wish I had found them (and Mars and Venus on a Date, and Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay) a decade earlier.

azngirl7689 · 2020-02-09T16:18:17+00:00

I used to be a pick me and sacrificed a lot of myself for others. After finding FDS, I built self esteem and set boundaries and became A WHOLE PERSON (complete with self love and self esteem.) Catering to men was destroying me.

❤️ FDS.

RobotAmerican · 2020-02-09T17:52:52+00:00

FDS is making me happier even in my committed LTR with a HVM. I realized that although I'm getting more from him than I ever got from LVM, that's a really low bar, and I'm not asking for more things that could make a difference, when I could be. Now I'm doing so, and it's making me feel better about where we are, and that he'll continue to be good to stay with and commit to when I'm ready.

As for the past, I didn't follow FDS thinking enough, but I did get some benefit from Sherry Argov, Updating, and others. I started out with no standards, because I was surrounded by cheapskate TRP types who wouldn't shut up about how women have no value and are leeches that get everything given to them. I was stupidly working hard to prove that I had value and to not take anything from men around me.

I leveled up, but still had no standards and expectations of men. Why Men Love Bitches changed my perspective, and I started looking out for me and being more ruthless. I sometimes forgot that, because handmaidens beat a drum all the time about "don't be shallow," and "it's only fair to give him everything he wants in exchange for attention, after all, he's worth more than you." I put up with being devalued and being screamed at by LVM because I dared to impose some standards. My response was to withdraw from romantic thinking and plan to stay unmarried and have no children, and treat men as irrelevant in my life.

That was healthy for me, because somewhere in there, I came around to maintaining more strategic thinking and aiming to get what I wanted from a relationship instead of listening to anyone about what I should do — what had that ever gotten me? I re-read Atlas Shrugged and started looking differently at these clowns around me that are demanding a chance and offering nothing. Why should I think about them at all? Why did I let them make me unhappy and give up on what's good for me? Why did I let them drag my ambitions down, simply because they had none?

Reading the FDS sub made some things click for me. Women aren't getting treated fairly by working so hard to prove how fair they are to men, because the risk / reward for women to have a relationship is not equal. Men need and want relationships more than us, so they should work for them. A man has to be willing to invest to show that he's worth having a future with, or else I'm better off staying independent — and a woman needs to always maintain her independence anyway, to avoid male abuse of power.

It took me a while to get it because it went against most of what I was taught, but I needed FDS. I wish that I could somehow anonymously share it with all the plates currently being spun by fuckboys that I used to know.

2020-02-09T17:00:50+00:00

I’ve grown in my confidence & better understood that it’s not only ok to place high expectations on a man, it’s warranted, especially if you’ve done your own inner work. I’ve found myself second-guessing whether I am “too savage” or asking myself “should I just settle?” many times in the past, but I always conclude that the FDS mentality is in ingrained in who I am at my very core. I realize that I don’t even seem to have a choice to settle; I will never demand lower from a man than what I deserve & provide for a partner myself because that level of happiness & reciprocity is worth waiting for (or simply finding within myself in the interim).

goatismycopilot · 2020-02-09T16:44:51+00:00

Are you a dude OP? Edit for dome reason I thought you were

Iamthegirliam · 2020-02-09T14:32:22+00:00

I'm pasting my answer that I wrote on PPD before the post got deleted.

I never had a real strategy but we can say, that I followed FDS not knowing about it.

I only had sex with two men, both in commmited relationships. My first boyfriend waited for sex almost 10 months, my fiance half a year, untill I was sure that I loved them and they loved me.

Yes, other men that I dated didn't want to wait that long and some would be pushy, some would try to make me break my rule and would leave when I didn't sleep with them, but I don't regret it. I got the best man in the world who literally calls me a princess. And i'm happy that I didn't sleep with other guys, as it wouldn't give me any pleasure anyway.

2020-02-10T00:35:35+00:00

My confidence is at its peak rn. I'm happy, fulfilled. Worried a bit about money, but I got a job at school starting soon and an interview for a possible full time job at a very prestigious defense company. Men are bending over backwards to make me happy - including my soon-to-be ex husband. I'm excited about school mostly. Giving whatever energy I receive right back in all my relationships. That part really helps, honestly.

Title	Ladies, please share your experiences when following FDS and similar strategies
Author	GlaceMarill
Upvotes	33
Comments	15
Date	February 9, 2020 2:26 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f19ank/ladies_please_share_your_experiences_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-please-share-your-experiences-when.683024 https://theredarchive.com/post/683024

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