I always hear about how toxic it is to “test” men that you’re going to be in a relationship with. On some level I can see that, if you’re spending a large amount of time conducting experiments with friends to see if he would cheat, you probably shouldn’t be dating him anyways. But, one thing with men that has always freaked me out is their ability to go from 0-100 explosive or sometimes even violent anger quickly. I’m talking about normal looking men, who act nice, kind, etc but when you really get to know them it’s like there’s always something bubbling under the surface. I don’t like men yelling at me. I find it disrespectful but it also makes me feel incredibly unsafe, which makes me lose all attraction for them.

Now this is a lesson my mom taught me, she was born in a village in Europe so she was pretty much around men who would try to marry her often since she was considered very beautiful. Unfortunately the men during this time and in this village held very sexist views still, and many liked to be the “boss” by bossing their women around. My mom didn’t want this. She didn’t want an angry man who could use his power to scare her into doing whatever he wanted.

One particular instance she mentioned was that she would test men and their anger by purposely doing something wrong. One day her and the man she was dating arranged to meetup and they were going to give each-other rings (not marriage rings but something that means a lot to them). My mom “forgot” hers and said she couldn’t find the ring she wanted to give him. The man got really angry and started yelling at her saying that if it was that important like they mentioned she would have found it, basically making this into a huge deal when they could have just arranged for another day to do this. She then pulled out the ring and told him “you failed” and basically ghosted his ass.

I feel like doing something like this is a good strategy of the quote “if you want to see how someone respects you, say no” sort of thing.

It’s definitely something I’ve been trying out, purposely “fucking up” once or twice and watching how he handles the situation. I don’t want someone to boil in anger over the small things in life, or even if I make a mistake. I want someone who is patient, and understanding, and knows that yelling at me isn’t the issue to resolve any problems. I also find that many men who huff and puff at things you do that aren’t that severe tend to be emotionally deficient, or not well equipped to deal with a real stressful situation.

My dads not perfect, but he cooks and cleans which is rare for a man in that country born during that time. I’ve also never seen him raise his voice and yell at my mom, ever. They simply go to their bedroom and talk out whatever they’re angry about.