Please Post Vetting Practice Examples (specifically when a HVM vs LVM asks for a date)

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-01-16T14:19:08+00:00

The lead up is always fairly standard. They never ask you anything about sex, or put you down, or even mention your looks - gonna be about compatibility with them. It'l actually turn them off if you ask about sex, as well. They'll not want to waste any time before meeting up with you, but will make sure you're comfortable with them first.

HVM asks for dates are like this:

"What's your favorite kind of cuisine? OK, have you been to X, that's my favorite and they make a mean Y. Can you make it at Z time? I would love to see you." "There's a band you said you enjoy coming to town, I will get us tickets if you would like to see them with me." "I've been meaning to go to this particular pastry shop, they have a dessert tasting menu with 'flights' of mousse/ice cream/pie. We can make an evening of it."

And if you say you can't make that specific time or place they will switch it to whatever you're more comfortable with. After the date they follow up:

"Thank you for letting me take you out. I enjoyed your company. If you are game, we can try X next time - let me know if you're free next Friday."

nosynobody · 2020-01-16T14:11:51+00:00

I've been a pickme and a HVW in the same relationship.

In my pick me phase I was always asking "When can you meet me?" "why can't you call me" I used to obsess over his bad moods, bad conversations, day dream about our future.

In my HVW stage I engage myself, I don't obsess over fights, if I hang up in anger I don't call back. If a plan gets upended I expect him to reschedule and let me know.

At the end that's the end goal of an FDS relationship. Being well aware that you can survive regardless of a relationship.

Also an LVM says stuff like "I am not sure what I want"

"let's figure this out" "I am dating casually" Also anyone who mentions his exes within the first three dates, talks about uncertainty or cancels out on dates and doesn't reschedule.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-01-16T13:08:09+00:00

"Let's go to the park and walk around."

"I'm going to X, if you want to show up that's cool."

"I don't have a car so you can pick me up?"

amyismynameo · 2020-01-16T15:53:28+00:00

HVM ask you about your schedule looking for days when you’re free and then asking you where you’d like to go for dinner or an activity you’re into. The lead up is always about getting to know your life and your interests so by this point he already knows what you’d like and it’s more about pinpointing a time to do it that’s convenient for you. A HVM won’t expect to come to your house right away. A HVM will make time for you and come to your city or meet you where you feel comfortable.

surviveIIthrive · 2020-01-16T21:19:52+00:00

One glaring thing that stands out to me about LVM is that they never seem to know where to go. They either pretend or are genuinely clueless about restaurants or events in your city. They can't seem to suggest where to go or what to do. You couldn't be blamed for thinking they've never done a Google search. I realize this is mostly done to manage expectations. Or they're broke. On the other hand HVM are very much clued into what's happening in the city. They have favorite restaurants and certain types of places they like to frequent. They have opinions about things to do. They are genuinely curious about your favorite restaurants and what kind of food you like. They are open to trying new things. But they always come to the table with something to offer.

Lordperuchan · 2020-01-16T19:06:48+00:00

off topic but since I am a teetotaler, are there any ideal first dates for vetting purpose besides dinner/lunch?

flandersmustash · 2020-01-17T02:58:02+00:00

Mine is super sensitive to my schedule and will plan everything around when i am available. One of our early dates he took me to a musical in the west end. He’d told me numerous times he wasn’t into them but he still knew how much i was and decided to book tickets and take me. Turns out he really enjoyed it and we have another one coming up this year. In essence with dates he just takes me places he knows I will enjoy, as i’m not so much a dinner person. If he’s uncertain he asks and then follows through.

When I was dating, I was the same to every man, told them exactly what I wanted, if they were on board cool, if not bye. I was in control of everything. With my now boyfriend, there were never mixed signals, no hot and colds. No wondering if he was into me. It went slowly at my pace, and even though he’s been the one to initiate any relationship milestone he’s respected my boundaries at every single point, He started the conversation about exclusivity as he didn’t know for certain if i was still with other men while i was dating him. He pursued the relationship. He makes a lot of effort to meet me where I’m at, listen whenever I have something to say and i of course reciprocate.

He’s not what I would have pictured, he doesn’t drive, doesn’t live on his own. But he does not use these as excuses for anything, he doesn’t expect me to drive him anywhere, and i won’t unless its convenient. He has a good career but living pretty modestly. Where I noticed a difference between him and others was in attitude, attention to detail, being able to communicate, good listener even about negative things about himself and had enough life experience to understand complex issues with empathy. Now it’s been going on a while we discussed some of our relationship boundaries which we both already follow but it was nice to discuss and for him not to be afraid or threatened to talk about it.

Title	Please Post Vetting Practice Examples (specifically when a HVM vs LVM asks for a date)
Author	RiteWriter
Upvotes	34
Comments	12
Date	January 16, 2020 12:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/epixai/please_post_vetting_practice_examples/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-post-vetting-practice-examples-specifically.684699 https://theredarchive.com/post/684699

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