Here we go again, another recap of my dating [mis]adventures. Maybe I’m being self-deprecating in that first sentence, but I have to laugh the closer it gets the Xmas as the most ridiculous dude-behaviour starts to appear.

The suitors

Who I’m still talking to from the last recap

  • Tim - Good ol’ Tim, he called me after he got back from the music festival and we caught up. Haven’t spoken since Wednesday but I did give him a heads up that I don’t have a lot of free time at the moment so he’s giving me a bit of space. Edit: he just texted to say he hopes I’m having an awesome day, boring, but nice to be thought of. Not everyone likes the ‘check in text’ but I just like touching base even if there isn’t much to say.
  • Eduardo, 40, sommelier. He’s been sick with a summer flu, popped up late in the week to touch base, no plans to meet up atm and I think I’m fine with that
  • The Hinge Collective - there’s like 8 or so who are all really interchangeable still and haven’t put enough effort in to actually be real contenders. I figure the next two weeks on OLD are a hopeless free-for-all and I’ll wait for the serious contenders to put some effort in. I’m at the point though where I have to unmatch the ones who said hello and then asked for a date two minutes later, that just shows they want a warm body and not to get to know me at all.

People who have left the rotation

  • Carlos, 41, marketing executive. Alas we didn’t get to see if we had ‘sexual compatibility’ 😡

Men on Replay

  • Ken, 33, professional removalist. Texted me and asked to talk about how the date went. Had a lot of self insight to acknowledge it didn’t go great and he could tell I wasn’t interested romantically. Asked instead if we could pursue a friendship and sincerely thanked and complimented how I had been so supportive while he was in hospital. He’s gone away for the holidays and asked to take me to the local aquarium in a couple of months time after the dust has settled from our date completely.
  • Seamus, 39, neuroscience researcher. The last man I dated seriously; we broke up around four months ago. The split was amicable but necessary as it was becoming very obvious he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Recently divorced after an immediate seperation following his wife’s infidelity, he started to get extreme anxiety during our relationship about trusting and opening up emotionally. He immediately entered therapy after we split, which was a decision I supported completely. We spoke once since the breakup and it was cordial well-wishing but cold. He’s now texted to ask if we can get dinner sometime in the next few weeks and I’ve asked for a phone call to talk to me properly about it before I agree.
  • Mark, 33, network manager. Had one date with him months and months ago that didn’t go anywhere - he also didn’t pass the porn-user test so I dropped him pretty much immediately after I found that out. He texted me this time around from a new phone number, so I had to go through the preamble of ‘who dis?’ and he asked if I would be interested in trying a first date again. I honestly don’t remember much about the guy, I’ll feel it out but I don’t have much hope for it. I know that people can have a change of heart 🤷🏻‍♀️ but let’s see if the contact stays up for two weeks and then I’ll consider if I let him take me out.
  • Justin, 31, social worker. Justin is an OLD match-and-flake. He has contacted me on three seperate OLD apps in two years. And I’ve had to spell out to him this week why we haven’t met when he feigned interest again. Justin doesn’t want to actually date anyone, he just wants the initial attention and validation of being wanted by strangers and then he gets bored. He does the ‘oh hey, I found you on here now! We should meet finally!’... and then nothing. Justin has been blocked on every platform so far, now including Hinge. Goodbye Justin.

New additions

  • Ryan, 33, electrician. Completely opposite to me in just about every way - hobbies, passions, background but my goodness he’s good fun to hang out with. We have absolutely nothing in common but he’s a larger than life personality that just makes me smile and laugh more than I have on a date in forever. Our height difference is also laughable (5’0 me vs 6’3 him) and I found myself actually saying ‘sorry’ jokingly the other day when we hugged as it was awkward AF. We had two dates in one week and another one potentially in the new year.

The dates

It was a two-dates-one-person situation this week!

  • Wednesday - Ryan invited me out to a hotel bar down the coast after work one day. I got there before him and requested a table for two as it was too hot to wait outside. They were totally booked out and I knew he hadn’t made a booking - which I warned him about. I was sent to the back courtyard and texted him that we were on a table waitlist and needed a new venue if we wanted to eat immediately. He arrived shortly after and got us both a glass of wine while we waited for a table to open up. That table never came and while I was enjoying his company I was also annoyed as this was not the date I initially agreed to. I had to sit on my wine all night as I can’t drink and not eat and I went home hungry. I was about to block him when he rang to say what a lovely night he had and I was extremely blunt in response - I told him that I was annoyed the table wasn’t booked in the middle of socialising season and it was poor planning. He then asked for a redo for two days time as a clean slate as he hadn’t meant for it to be such a let down.
  • Friday - This time Ryan suggested we go to my favourite Mexican restaurant in the area and sent me all the booking details immediately, showing that he took my feedback seriously. What followed was two and a bit hours of delicious food and sangria where it just felt like we unwound and relaxed completely in the summer warmth. I found it intriguing that he copied me in everything I ordered (appetiser, main and dessert) and I honestly felt completely at ease in his company even though I inly met him a few days ago for the first date. When we got to the bill he unfortunately took his sweet arse time fumbling around in his wallet and going over the bill, so I whipped out the cash I had for my portion and handed it to the hostess as she was getting very impatient with us. He walked me to my bus stop and kissed me with my permission but I didn’t feel anything. He asked for another date after he’s back from holidays (3-4 weeks time) and I said I would think about it.

Insights

  • I don’t want to hear or read the words ‘sexual compatibility’ again, piss off with your pressure and your dick-centric dating approach. I don’t want to find out the weird fetishes you probably need to check that I’m compatible with. Just no.
  • Men - if you’re setting up a date, book the damn venue. Don’t just make a guestimate of a walk-in time. Show that you’re an organised and productive human being and plan properly. Save walk in dates for your mates where you don’t care what dive or takeout place you eat from.
  • The new OLD opener is apparently now ‘What’s on for your Xmas?’ and ‘How’s your holidays looking?’. Seeing as I’m working all the way through and have zero time off I think I would actually prefer ‘Hey, how are you?’ in terms of unoriginal greetings.
  • I’ve been asked twice this week for a late night first date on NYE - but that’s not an offer I can accept as it would most certainly would end in too much party drinking and sexual expectations with what would be a complete stranger. I’d rather count down the seconds on the couch with the dogs when I’m safe and comfortable - which is precisely what I’m planning to do!
  • I’ve said a few weeks ago that the exes were going to start popping up in his time of year. I do wonder why Seamus wants to meet up. I genuinely care for him as a person but am unsure if the door is open for anything else. He’s definitely a man I compare others to as why he was having problems with his own health and well-being, he treated me like a queen when we were together briefly. No matter what, I wish him well.
  • Sometimes a guy is not going to pay the whole bill, this was the only date in months where I’ve paid up. And if the hostess wasn’t in such a viable, annoyed hurry to get our bill sorted, I would have let him sweat it out and verbally request that I split with him. Ryan was wearing a thick gold chain and a solid gold watch and yet he looked like he was going to shit a brick if he had to pay. Not a fabulous impression at all. I always pay my way on mate-dates and did so the next night with one of my HVM friends, but not in a romantic setting.