I (32F) walked in my dad’s (56M) room and found him asleep at his computer, exposed, with my (6F) daughter asleep in his bed a couple feet away and porn videos playing on his computer screen. Need advice on what to do about it.

2,593 points647 commentssubmitted by ThrowRAneedadvice_1 to r/relationship_advice

I didn’t think I’d be posting on here, but my world has kind of turned upside down and could use some feedback on what to do with this situation.

I (32F) live with my (35M) husband, my (6F) daughter, my (3M) son, and my (56M) father, who is my kids grandad. I was going through a lot at the time I got pregnant, and I wasn’t even sure my husband was going to stick around. My parents had just divorced, so my dad ended up moving in with me after they sold their condo. He is kind of a man-child and I don’t think he would have been okay on his own, and I desperately needed help raising my daughter as I was already barely hanging on to a crappy job and my now husband was undecided if he wanted to be part of her life yet. Obviously being pre-defensive here but these are my reasons.

My dad has been a great help and he spends almost all of his free time with my kids. My husband and I both work, so it really has been invaluable. My daughter is 6 now and she and her grandpa, my dad, hang out a lot. He still lives with us, mostly out of me feeling too guilty too kick him out. She loves her grandad a lot, and every once in awhile, maybe once a week, she’ll have a sleepover kind of slumber party with grandpa. It’s kind of a fun treat thing that he does if she gets good marks or helps around the house. She looks forward to it, and I’ve never questioned it. They stay up late and eat popcorn and candy and watch movies and she sleeps in his bed with him.

So this I dont know what to do with or what to do next. I’ve talked to the few family members that I know won’t blab to the whoke workd, and I’ve heard differing opinions.

Last weekend, I woke up earlier than normal on Sat morning and went to my dads room to check on them. His room is kind of an addition to our house that the original owners put there, like almost a guest house but just a room that’s attached. You have to go through the backyard to get there. I cracked open the door and peeked in the room

[might be a trigger]

and my dad was passed out at his desk chair with porn videos playing on his computer screen and his pants around his ankles. My daughter was asleep in his bed or else I would have gone competly crazy. I just froze like no way this is what my eyes are seeing right now. I grabbed my daughter and got her out of the room while she was still too groggy to notice what was going on, and went back in his room and ripped his f-ing head off. He swears up and down that hed never done this before that she didn’t see anything. He said he fell asleep watching porn and didn’t mean to be exposed like that.

I’m not naive enough to think my dad never watches porn but he was doing it right in front of my daughter. A friend of mine says that this is beyond messed up and that my dad might be grooming my daughter or even other things that go with that. I’m still in shock that he would do that anywhere near her. To think that it might be worse than that makes me nauseous. I don’t want to overreact and I dont want to tramautize my kid anymore than she probably already is. I don’t want her to even know that this happened.

I haven’t told my husband yet, and I’ e stayed home from work all week. I’m not letting my dad be alone with her at all, and he’s just been hiding out in his room. I just keep telling my daughter that he’s sick. My husband has an off week and gets home tomorrow, and I didn’t want to tell him over the phone plus I know he’ll lose it on my dad straight away.

I’m posting here because I don’t know what to do next. I’m terrified of overreacting and terrified of underreacting and I made the mistake of calling my aunt and telling her about it. She thinks I’m overreacting and that I need to just make sure they don’t sleep together anymore. I know my husband will want to kick him out on the street or worse. I just don’t want to make this any worse on my daughter than it already is. If you were in my position, what would you do about my dad? Would you kick him out or just limit his contact with my daughter?

TL;DR: Went to check on my daughter who was sleeping in my dad’s bed (her granddad) and found him asleep and exposed at his computer desk with porn on the screen and my daughter asleep in his bed a couple feet away. Need advice on what to do about it.