Did my ex ‘neg’ me?

ino_y · 2019-11-04T13:21:27+00:00

Nah that's straight up verbal abuse.

Abuse only works if he sprinkles in the kindness. Otherwise they're a straight up asshole and we'd never even start.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2019-11-04T13:29:31+00:00

"Negging" is giving backhanded compliments.

Your ex was just straight up insulting you. No part of anything he said was even remotely in the territory of being a compliment (not that negging is, either, but negs are deliberately phrased to be somewhat ambiguous to the untrained eye.)

confused as to his motives

He's abusive. This is the textbook abuse pattern.

His motive was to lower your self esteem so you wouldn't leave or cheat. You get high on the little "hits" of affection and sweetness and try to walk on eggshells and be the perfect partner thinking that there's some way you can act or behave to get him to be that loving, caring person all the time. There isn't. The only reason you ever got any affection out of him is that he knows that if he was a 100% monster all the time, you'd leave. He was doing the bare minimum to continue stringing you along.

Abusers know what to look for in a mark and intentionally seek out women who are caring and highly empathetic.

You try to see the good in people, to your own detriment. Don't.

Value yourself first, take no shit, and these guys will run for the fucking hills.

siddmartha · 2019-11-04T13:39:32+00:00

I’m so glad you’re not with that loser! I would consider that abuse. Trying to put you down - for what reason?? He chose to date you but then saying fucked up things to you, means he’s a psycho with zero self awareness! He is probably massively insecure and taking it out on you.. You probably have more going for yourself than he does.. one of my ex’s was the same..

I told my ex once that this guy hit on me at store and told me I had pretty eyes and my ex then told me “you don’t have pretty eyes they’re just brown, I have pretty eyes their blue” lol like wtf..

Vespe50 · 2019-11-04T14:54:10+00:00

(Sorry for my eng) this are not "just neg", neg are the attempt to low the selfesteem of the other person to controll her and make her belive she is not enough and make her a people pleaser, so she gives up boundaries and self respect. No good person use neg, i could use neg with men but i won t do it because inflicting pain to controll a partner is wrong. Abusive people use an alternance of good and bad behaviour, so they use kindness not because they are kind but to keep the person in love with them, if they behave in a horrific way 100% of the times, women will leave them early, they have to make you belive that they are deep down good people with problems, the reality is that they are bad people and use kindness as a tool.

TheLastUBender · 2019-11-04T15:40:14+00:00

Woah. That's not a throwaway remark or two. That was a calculated move to lower your self esteem and make you feel like you had no better options. Feel really angry at that guy. Congratulations on leaving him, don't let that happen to you again.

Edit: probably projection - felt bad about himself and took it out on you, more likely than not.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-11-04T17:47:42+00:00

I had to learn that there is no way to make sense of this behavior. It was a bitter pill to swallow to learn that sometimes men that make you fall in love with them then turn around and do this shit. I 100% went through similar awhile back.

It's nothing you are doing wrong and it's completely about what terrible humans they are. It helped me to learn about narcissism and borderline personality disorder, but some of them are just RP idiots and PUAs. All of them are to be avoided. I also avoid lazy or selfish men.

Good luck with your healing. It took me awhile, but I got there.

PutItInReverse · 2019-11-04T13:51:40+00:00

It’s definitely negging behavior but if you’re asking about what his intent was, as in if he was naturally a narcissistic asshole or if he is a guy “simply” using negging and PUA techniques, I can’t say.

Let’s just assume he’s a dick.

Sorry he treated you badly. Sounds like some fool I used to know.

Title	Did my ex ‘neg’ me?
Author	gangsterswife
Upvotes	10
Comments	10
Date	November 4, 2019 1:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/drhdy4/did_my_ex_neg_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/did-my-ex-neg-me.695424 https://theredarchive.com/post/695424

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