Recognizing your own red flags

TranslatedSky · 2020-06-20T15:00:36+00:00

My biggest red flag was being divorced at 23. I wanted to date a conservative Christian and wasn't sure if any guy like that could overlook that. Since it wasn't something I could change, I focused on the things I could. I lost weight, started wearing dresses, styled my hair, learned to apply makeup. I finished grad school and worked on my financial standing by working two jobs until I could get full time.

When I did meet men, I was careful to disclose that I was divorced without ties on my dating profiles, so they always knew ahead of time. If asked for details, I had a short response prepared. You can't get rid of your baggage, but you can find a way to share that keeps you from looking damaged.

Wandelgart · 2020-06-20T16:25:00+00:00

Mine are:

An abusive mother with BPD. I cut all contact with her and am queued for therapy.
Emotional outbursts. Therapy as well.
Dating a divorced, 25-year old Ukrainian man at 18. This is more of a yellow flag. I don't contact him, however, I cannot change this.
The urge to complain and act negative. I'm combating this by writing down 10 things I'm thankful for every day and 10 good things that happened to me.
Low self-esteem.
Acting bitter at times.

SevereIsland1 · 2020-06-20T15:05:34+00:00

One of my red flags is (hopefully it will soon become was as I am working on it) not communicating my feelings coherently and running away from a relationship when things get tough as it’s easier to end the relationship, cut the guy off and start afresh with someone else than actually work through the problem with the guy and build a strong foundation

2020-06-20T15:18:31+00:00

I don’t think what you mentioned about yourself is really that much of a red flag. A yellow flag, maybe. That could easily be the case given a small sample size, unless you’ve gone through a hundred guys.

Would it really be better if YOU had broken up with every dude? By the time he has learned enough about you to know this detail, is a good guy really going to be dissecting the end of your relationships like “on July 9th 2016, you double-texted but he was already ghosting you! You are unfit to date! I rest my case!” The REASONS behind the breakups are much more relevant. If there’s no specific pattern I don’t think you have much to worry about on this one.

My red flag was that I was fat as hell 🤪I recognized it when it actually hit me that despite everyone’s relentless “you don’t need a man, sexy comes in all sizes, the right man will love you just as you are, and you’ll just have a perfect Meet Cute with him when you least expect it!!!!!!!”: those were mostly platitudes and comfy lies. I DID want a high-quality relationship, lots of good men WERE overlooking me because of my weight, and I was meeting guys at a snail’s pace in my current social sphere.

2020-06-20T17:50:29+00:00

I have so many red flags....lol I honestly just lucked out finding the dude I did. He's a total sweetheart and didn't care about my red flags, so yep, just lucked out finding him.

My red flags are: My body count-it's in the double digits

I never met my dad. He was in prison when I was born and he left the country after his release a few years later. When he did come back to the U.S, had no interest in meeting me, aside from a couple of phone calls.

I was raised in a ridiculously unconventional and dysfunctional home-raised by a single mother Wiccan lesbian feminist who ran a sex toys store. My home life was incredibly strange compared to other people's.

In my early twenties I suffered from depression/self-harm and all the usual nonsense that comes with it

My dude just literally didn't care about any of that stuff. He fell in love with me super quick and we've been together 10 years now.

I knew what my red flags are because they're just so obvious and stereotypical :/

Although I didn't know until recently that a lot of guys consider piercing, tattoos, and funky hair colors to be a red flag. I was all types of pierced (have since taken them all out) and had blue and green hair when I met my guy. Lucky for me he has a thing for tough-looking alternative girls.

For real, I think Jesus sent me this man....I could not do any better with my wrap sheet

IntelligentEmpress · 2020-06-20T15:46:34+00:00

My red flag is/was communicating my needs. People take advantage of my kindness because I don’t speak up and stand my ground. It was brought to my attention by my current partner.

I use is/was because although I’m actively working on it, it is still a problem for me. Up to last night, it led to a disagreement between us.

murderousfox · 2020-06-20T17:56:41+00:00

I’d like to say one of my red flags would be acting out because of my own self inflicted thoughts towards my boyfriend, I have a bad temper and get extremely caustic towards him when I think of how he used to be and all the infidelity.

platypus_nebula · 2020-06-20T21:56:58+00:00

I cleaned up a lot of my red flags over the last few years, which really made a difference with maintaining stability in my LTR (lost 20 pounds, debt free, ditched the feminist ideology).

There's some deep seated personality issues I have yet to work through, stemming from obvious neurotic mommy issues, such as hyper sensitivity and an inability to take criticism. I get hurt easily, and go into pouty grump mode when someone brings up something they don't like about my actions. That's caused some fights in the past.

I'm working on feeling comfortable enough to express my needs honestly, because I don't want to continue to be that girl who gets upset because her man is not a psychic.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-06-20T16:28:13+00:00

[removed]

Butterfly832 · 2020-06-29T03:57:14+00:00

I just ruined a relationship with a good man over my red flags.

1) I used to be very promiscuous 2) I lied to the man I'm in love with when we first got together because I'm ashamed of my former self. Kept the lies up during the relationship. He told me now that I have to be honest with him and work on myself for us to be together. Came clean about my sexual past, including a couple things after I met him and he broke up with me. Been together 9 years and miss nothing about who I was prior to him. 3) argumentative 4) can't let go... Especially right now. He just broke up with me yesterday. I keep pouring my heart out, I don't know how to stop.

HappilyMrs · 2020-06-20T18:50:30+00:00

Ummm... tough one as I have been married 17 years and got married at 19!

Red flags pre-husband: would branch swing at the drop of a hat, had done some non-penetrative sex stuff with ex-boyfriends, had a crappy relationship with my father so daddy issues, overweight

Red flags if I was starting over now: whatever horrible emotional scars from a 2 decade long relationship ending, a child with additional needs, very overweight, no career lined up, student debt (though UK student debt, so won't pay back unless I earn over 28k a year), don't always dress pretty, can be a bitch

Title	Recognizing your own red flags
Author	elmartinas
Upvotes	70
Comments	25
Date	June 20, 2020 2:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/hcnjfr/recognizing_your_own_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/recognizing-your-own-red-flags.696115 https://theredarchive.com/post/696115

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